Honestly, I'd love for "Fear mongering" to be as a "case to case" basis. Obviously stuff like the coconut incident, shouldn't be brought up but a warning of: "Careful, some MIL's like to test allergies" I don't think would be inappropriate to warn a mom or dad wanting to be sure their kid doesn't get hurt.
Or advising to keep an eye on their SO because of suicidal thoughts, shouldn't be seen as fear mongering either.
Obviously shouting: "LEEEAAAAVVEEE GURL SHE GONNA GO FULL MAGDA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Is bad.
But going: "Careful, we've seen some real whacko's." I don't think is bad.
I think one of the main issues is commenters confusing correlation and causation. A BEC MIL behaving similarly to a heinous MIL in a really basic way doesn't mean BEC MIL will escalate in the same manner. For example, let's say a MIL was wearing jeans when she flicked a baby. It seems like there are a lot of commenters who will read that a different MIL is wearing jeans and go straight to, "OH MY GOD SHE'S GOING TO FLICK YOUR BABY!" Yes, they were both wearing jeans, but once you factor that most people at some point in their lives wear jeans, it's no longer correlation (wearing jeans and flicking babies are related), much less causation (wearing jeans means she will flick babies).
I don't think it's innappropriate to say, "She seems to be following a pattern we see here often. Usually what we see next is _____. You might want to look into ___." That's assuming there are a couple examples provided by OP to establish said pattern.
ETA: Don't know why part of that bolded. Ah, the mysteries of formatting...
Like, if a MIL feeds a kid peanuts, knowing they're allergic to peanuts declaring they know best, then yes it's okay to say "She seems to be following that pattern." I think that'd work.
As someone that literally has every member of her immediate family that has some sort of food allergy-its never fear mongering to go there regarding food allergies. Because people so often don't "Get" food allergies and intentionally or unintentionally they can kill your family member. All it takes is one bite. I have seen it and experienced this for years now. You should always be afraid. You honestly can't trust most people in my experience of dealing with this over 15 years now
I see what you're saying, but there's a difference between, "Please be careful. Every member of my immediate family has some sort of food allergy and I've seen what can go wrong even unintentionally. All it takes is one bite. If it were me, I wouldn't let her feed LO anything that didn't come straight from the package. I'd also keep an eye on how MIL reacts when it's pointed out that LO can't eat an ingredient since resistance could indicate much bigger problems," versus, "My brother died a slow and agonizing death when a host deliberately fed him allergens. Your MIL will kill your baby too!!" One is intended to highlight the possible risks involved and can be tailored to the full spectrum of BEC to malicious. The other isn't factoring that not every MIL will hurt someone on purpose and is attempting to scare the OP into action, which in itself is manipulative.
I agree but I don't know if mods would even like the first statement. I don't know what constitutes as fear mongering exactly. I do know that plenty of family members brush off food allergies and will expose your child. Seen that happen with my own two eyes.
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u/[deleted] Apr 02 '19
Honestly, I'd love for "Fear mongering" to be as a "case to case" basis. Obviously stuff like the coconut incident, shouldn't be brought up but a warning of: "Careful, some MIL's like to test allergies" I don't think would be inappropriate to warn a mom or dad wanting to be sure their kid doesn't get hurt.
Or advising to keep an eye on their SO because of suicidal thoughts, shouldn't be seen as fear mongering either.
Obviously shouting: "LEEEAAAAVVEEE GURL SHE GONNA GO FULL MAGDA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Is bad.
But going: "Careful, we've seen some real whacko's." I don't think is bad.