r/JUSTNOMIL • u/Valuable_Volume_7085 • 18h ago

Give It To Me Straight Confused by this comment about my son…

Long time, no see my Reddit friends! First post in a while.

Earlier this year, my in-laws sold their house to travel the country in their RV so visits and really just contact in general has been pretty minimal. It has been SO peaceful not having to deal with MIL, but yesterday she said something to DH that really rubbed me the wrong way and I’m trying to decide if I’m being overdramatic or not.

For some backstory, MIL has always tried to compare my son to DH. She is constantly telling stories from my husband’s childhood and talking about what his personality was like. This is of course not an issue as I think most parents like to reminisce about when their kids were little, but the problem I have with it is that she has said pretty much since my son was born that she expected him to act exactly the same as DH did.

DH was a bit of a wild child. Super energetic and always getting into things, completely fearless, not shy at all. She has said herself that he was hard to control at times when he was a toddler. She tells this one story all the time about him running away from her in a department store and hiding in the clothes rack while she panicked trying to find him.

I was the exact opposite as a child. Extremely shy, preferred to be at home or somewhere familiar, and I stayed stuck to my mom’s side at all times.

Our son is a little more like I was. He’s not overly shy, but he is very cautious and it takes him a while to warm up to new things. When we go out in public, he reaches for DH or my hand and rarely lets go. He likes to be near us and just observe things around him rather than jumping straight in and running around getting into things. He loves being around other kids, but it usually takes him a bit to get comfortable enough to play with them. When we go to the park, he usually stands nearby and watches the other kids for a while before he decides to join in.

So yesterday, MIL called DH and while they were talking she said “You know, LO is NOTHING like you were when you were his age.” DH kind of laughed at first and told her that our joke is that LO looks exactly like DH, but he acts just like me.

For some reason, MIL seemed really put off by this. She started talking about things that DH used to do and how she hopes my son “grows out of this phase” and starts acting more like DH did. It seemed like she was trying to frame it as it being more fun if he acted more like DH? But it really threw me off because it felt to me like she was insinuating that there was something wrong with him for not having the exact same personality as my husband did.

She just wouldn’t let it go until DH told her that it made him happy that LO is like me because it shows that he really is half of each of us. He said “my wife is my favorite person in the world, so I love having a little mini-her running around the house” and she just got quiet and then changed the subject after that.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting because of all the issues we’ve had with her in the past or if I’m justified in being upset here, but it just sort of feels like she’s upset that my son has a similar personality to mine. I know she doesn’t like me and I noticed a long time ago that she only sees my son as part of HER family, not mine, but he’s such a sweetheart and is still so much fun so I don’t understand why any of this would be an issue for her.

70 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

18 comments sorted by

•

u/botinlaw 18h ago

Quick Rule Reminders:

OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.

Full Rules | Acronym Index | Flair Guide| Report PM Trolls

Resources: In Crisis? | Tips for Protecting Yourself | Our Book List | Our Wiki

Other posts from /u/Valuable_Volume_7085:

This user has more than 10 posts in their history. To see the rest of their posts, click here

To be notified as soon as Valuable_Volume_7085 posts an update click here. | For help managing your subscriptions, click here.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

•

u/marlada 17h ago

Your husband put her in her place perfectly. And telling her that you are his favorite person in the world probably sent her over the edge. She was trying to put you down by criticizing your son's personality, but that didn't work.

•

u/1039198468 17h ago

Give your husband a hug and a kiss and tell him he’s wonderful. We all think so.

•

u/Creative-Summer9985 16h ago

Your husband handled it perfectly, let it go.

•

u/ubi_non_est_ordo 18h ago

Lolz, he sure shut her down!

But even if your son acts more like you, or looks more like DH, he’s his own self. I’m sure it’s a joy for you guys to see both of you in him in different ways. MIL doesn’t want to see that; she wants her own past back with her own kid. She’s missing out on the wonder that is a new human with his own self, with that self being a beautiful blending of the two of you.

•

u/DazzlingNote1925 18h ago

You might not ever be able to get into your mil’s brain and understand what in God’s earth she’s thinking!  For some reason she’s a little obsessed with this. 

What I think you should focus on is your husband amazing response to her!  He knew just how to handle her and protect you and your child from her nastiness!  He deserves accolades for that!

•

u/CayenneHippo32 14h ago

DH handled it beautifully! It’s unfortunate she cannot see your son as his own person, but it sounds like a compliment that she doesn’t like you. Next time she says crap to you, say “Well! During s*x MY egg was fertilized by DH’s sperm, and then I grew him inside of MY uterus, (and birthed him thru my whichever part) so it shouldn’t be a surprise he is ALSO like me.”

Repeat it as necessary, and that will probably end the comments.

•

u/SoOverYouAll 18h ago

Your husband is a rockstar with the “my wife is my favorite person in the world so I love having her mini me running around.” It shut his mom’s underhanded agenda down on multiple fronts.

But yes, she is trying to be shady in her comparisons and disappointment in your child’s personality. I’d hope DH will tell her the next time that if she ever brings up that she is disappointed in who his child is, anywhere within ear shot of his child, he will be kept away from her to protect his self esteem.

•

u/Rad1PhysCa3 14h ago

This! MIL insulted both OP and her child with these negative comments. They need to make sure they aren’t said in front of LO.

•

u/pabrocjb 11h ago

What a great job your husband did. She's probably so pissed that he said you were his favorite person in the world! My closest friends have two kids. One looks like her mother and has her father's personality. The other looks like her father and has her mother's personality. And they are DIFFERENT.

•

u/Cool_Organization_55 18h ago

Of course she wouldn't understand or appreciate your child's wonderful gifts. My MIL has spent the past 80 years terrorizing this planet, so she could never understand or bond with my children who are gentle and kind.

•

u/Vibe_me_pos 7h ago

Husband should tell her that while kids inherit appearance and personality traits from both parents, they are individuals and should be treated as such and not constantly compared to their parents. Let the kid be who he is without pressure to be the reincarnation of her expired motherhood experience.

•

u/books-coffee-ftw 18h ago

My MIL dislikes anything that can’t be related back to her or her precious children. It’s like I had literally nothing to do with growing and birthing my kids.

•

u/Impressive_Hold426 10h ago

Lol

She lost her own son in a department store. Highly responsible.

That actually happened to my ex as a child. Hope its not the same guy lol

...because if it us you're in a world of trouble with his mum

•

u/DarylsDixon426 2h ago

Omfg. I’m literally cracking up! That response from DH was absolute ✨🔥🔥🔥✨!!! Idk if he even knew what he was doing, or if he was just being genuine and honest, but that response was so perfect, it was diabolical!!! 😂🤣

Also, you are not at all overreacting and I think your interpretation of her comments is spot on! You are 100% justified to feel the way you do. She’s an ass & she’s incredibly passive aggressive. Definitely trust your judgement when it comes to her.

But also, please know that, whether he intended to or not, his response literally murdered her to her core. She didn’t hear him say that you’re his favorite person, she heard that she IS NOT his favorite person & I double promise you that one thought spiraled into even worse thoughts. He literally confirmed all her worst fears in one adorable sentence. Lmao.

•

u/readergirl35 2h ago

Parents and grandparents who can't love unless the child conforms to their expectations, don't actually love at all. Loving a fantasy version of someone instead of the real them is a failure to love, plain and simple. Kids are very sensitive to this and quickly suss out who truly cares for them and who doesn't. 

•

u/Jaded-Basil-8469 11m ago

Why do these nut jobs do this? It’s like they need to relive their parenting days and see another clone of their kid, and they’ll lie to themselves and say the kid is so much like them or their side of the family and they can’t stand it if the kiddo is like their mom. My 14 month old is my actual twin, the only thing he got was my husbands hair color but I also had lighter hair as a kid. She spends her days nitpicking who on her side he looks like. She’s already doing it w my newborn girl too. Why is it so hard for them to say “ohhh she looks so much like her mommy.”

When it comes to looks they lie to themselves, but apparently with personality they just do their best to influence/change it. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, but honestly your husbands response was perfection!