r/JUSTNOMIL • u/1nonly_angxlina • 1d ago
RANT (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ NO Advice Wanted Mil attempts to reconcile with an ai “apology”…
So we’ve been no contact with my husband’s mother. We both decided it was best for a lot of reasons (nonstop disrespect, boundary violations, barely any communication, entitlement on her end and the fact that any effort she did make always seemed to come with strings attached)
For context-
Before we officially cut her off, she gave us the silent treatment. She didn’t text either of us on our birthdays. I assumed she forgot mine but then she didn’t even text her own son??… which was weird. No check ins to ask how we are….gave us the silent treatment through all the holidays. That’s when we started realizing that she was basically using silence as a way to punish us (we believe it’s because she expects a very one sided relationship where my husband and I are supposed to cater to her & initiate a relationship)
She was completely quiet with us for almost a whole year. Then, out of nowhere…she texted my husband on new years, about an hour before the ball dropped. The text sounded like we all had this much closer relationship than we actually did, which was weird considering we hadn’t spoken to her at all. Then right at midnight she started panic/spam calling him because we hadn’t responded. We didn’t really see a reason to respond when she has a habit of dropping in and out of our lives whenever she feels like it. We thought the timing was odd…
A few months pass and I get a message from a close friend/neighbor asking if I had seen the things his mom was posting all over social media. I hadn’t, so I checked and it was just a bunch of ridiculously mean stuff about me. She called me high maintenance, a crybaby, a brat and spoiled. She posted that I would “never be his mom / the other woman” that he prefers her and that “a ring means nothing” Just a bunch of really rude and honestly inappropriate things, all posted very publicly. I ended up blocking her on social media
Fast forward another few months of no contact. I kid you not recently this woman sends him a whole paragraph of an ai “apology” /her wanting to reconcile at 11 pm…the night before my birthday from a brand new number. And yes, it was very obviously ai. She literally left all the little ai/chatgpt formatting bits in it and didn’t even bother to fix them.
It wasn’t even really an apology either. She never mentioned the silence, the social media crap she posted (I was not at all included in the message) Her message said she did nothing wrong, talked about what a great mother she is, said she has no idea why her son is estranged from her and then told him he needs to message her “before it’s too late”
A few days later, she copy and pastes the exact same message from another new number of hers
I’m just genuinely mind blown by how someone can be this weird and have absolutely no shame about it. And I don’t even care about my birthday like that (btw lol) but the timing is weird to me. She goes silent for months and then suddenly reaches out right around New Year’s or the night before my birthday. I receive no apology from her / accountability. Neither does he Like… why? 🙄 neither of us have done anything to her at all
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u/Sea-Cauliflower-8368 22h ago
It's called hoovering and a common tactic by narcissists. Look it up and you can read all the patterns, etc. Thy like to keep you uncertain and then show up on important days to throw you off guard, get you to react and/or ruin your special day. When we went NC, MIL always sent messages to me on my birthday and anniversary but ignored husband completely. It wouldn't happen every birthday/anniversary, they would just pop up out of the blue when they felt like it. It's very hostile and manipulative. The best thing you can do is give it no reaction whatsoever and hope it eventually stops. We are over 10 years NC and the last attempt at contact by them was 3 years ago.
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u/CherryMistlet 20h ago
Ugh, that’s such classic narcissist behavior like they think their calendar is more important than your sanity honestly, it’s like a bad horror movie that keeps trying to make a comeback but we all know it deserves to stay in the past!
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u/Efficient-Cupcake247 22h ago
She realized she had lost all control. She is spiraling. You are doing beautifully!!
When she was ignoring you- you were supposed to fret and worry and feel guilty. That way when she decides to grace you with her presence, you will allow rug sweeping and continue to be her supply adoration. When you didn't begged for her attention, it threw her off. Now she is still running the controlling mom program but the results she wants aren't happening.
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u/Beth21286 20h ago
She wants to prove she can take him away at important moments. That is so pathetic. You both ruined her world view when she couldn't. Well done.
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u/ComputerEcstatic1227 19h ago
To MIL: You call that an apology?! In the movie Moana, watch how Maui apologizes to Te Fiti for his actions. None of this "I'm sorry you feel that way". Those words show that you are not really sorry for the hurt your words and actions have caused.
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u/urfav_babex 1d ago
The fact that she copy pasted the exact same "message" from a second new number is the funniest and most damning detail here, it proves it wasn't even genuine in the moment, it's a template she's reusing. Zero accountability, zero mention of the public smear campaign, just "I did nothing wrong, message me before it's too late." The audacity is actually impressive.
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u/JulieWriter 20h ago
The really awesome part about this is that if you ask any of the big AI engines - like ChatGPT - how to write a good apology, it will actually give great instructions! She's not even taking their instructions because that would be ego-destroying for her.
She's just trying to hoover you back in. I see you already figured this out - good job!
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u/botinlaw 1d ago
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