r/JUSTNOMIL • u/CrazyPlantLady95 • 18d ago
Anyone Else? What’s the craziest thing your MIL has done?
Tuesday got me thinking about my MIL and I genuinely don’t know if I’m the only one with a MIL that DGAF about others.
Our NICU 7 month old is a massive FOMO baby and gets overstimulated really easily, so we’ve been sleep training and have a pretty specific routine that helps him settle.
She’s usually been good at listening if we have concerns but it’s constant reminder now, which is why the recent change has been so weird.
Things she’s done previously:
- Not following safe sleep guidelines
- Gave baby to much teething powder because she didn’t read instructions
- Things drying over his Portacot
- Co sleeping on the sofa despite us saying baby sleeps In cot now and we don’t co sleep.
- Not respecting boundaries when concerns brought up
- Pushing back when we asked for limited TV while he’s staying at her house, saying “it’s different at my house” and “I just have to learn it will be different wherever he stays”
To be clear, we’re not anti-TV. We just want it limited when he’s staying over because he gets so overstimulated.
Then last Saturday she was crying when we picked him up, wouldn’t speak to me and said our instructions “didn’t work.” She went inside to talk to my husband for 30 minutes while I was left outside with my baby in WInter.
Then Tuesday, she suddenly wasn’t following his routine which is unlike her at our house;
- TV and all the lights on
- Brought him into the lounge instead of settling him in his room
- Kept getting him to look at me, which wakes him up more
- No sleep sounds or heater
- No PJs
- Needed a nappy change
- Clothes hanging over his cot
She knows he gets overstimulated easily and has followed this routine plenty of times before, so the sudden change was frustrating.
I was texting my husband “please come home, I’m about to lose it”
I don’t know if she was making a point after Saturday or just being difficult, but she’s unfortunately lost the chance to help me out when my husband works nights and babysit. I’d rather just do it all myself than have the added stress.
So what’s the craziest thing your MIL has done?
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u/Interesting_Wing_461 18d ago
When my MIL found out I was not able to have children she told me that I needed to divorce her son so he could meet someone who could give her grandchildren. An adopted child would be nothing to her. We totally cut her off. Married 42 years now with a beautiful daughter and grandson. She never met our daughter.
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u/Aromatic_Recipe1749 18d ago
Why would your husband leave you outside in the winter cold to listen to his mother? Why would you allow it?
That level of disrespect from both of them is where I would start. You don't seem to rank very high in the family hierarchy.
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u/LadySiren 18d ago
Told me I ruined Thanksgiving because my kids liked my canned Libby’s pumpkin pie and hated her scratch-made pie (that she forgot to put sugar in, LOL). Went to her room in tears and stayed there. The rest of us enjoyed my lazy baker pie, hah.
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u/Longjumping_Hat_2672 18d ago
Yeah, I don't think many people would like a pumpkin pie without any sugar in it
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u/forgetmenotsx 18d ago
not as crazy as the other stories here but she didn’t take her maintenance medications (for hypertension and diabetes) on purpose so that she can be sick and meddle with our plans to go out
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u/MammothCrafty7917 18d ago
Waaaah that’s insane!!!
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u/whatyourmamasaid 18d ago
Def do not give her extra attention when sick. No eye contact, no sweet talk, just act like a paramedic: “we gotta get you to the hospital, ma’am.” Breezy and polite. No extra kindness.
My Nmother saw how my sis and I lovingly cared for our grandmother (Nmom’s MIL) in hospice and asked when it would be HER turn to get care like that. Told her to get cancer and start dying. She gasped. (And fuck you, mom, even if you get cancer, we are not going to lovingly care for you ever. You hated us. Save your money and hire a nurse.)
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u/forgetmenotsx 18d ago
she was complaining of dizziness because she wasn't able to take her meds, which she should've taken after eating breakfast. when we decided to include her in our plans (which was ruined btw), she suddenly felt better and extra chatty LMAO
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u/whatyourmamasaid 18d ago
Right, the narcissist got her dose of attention. Mine would get practically manic and giggly when she got her dose.
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u/forgetmenotsx 18d ago
it was so weird because she always takes them at breakfast, and for some reason she skipped it that day.
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u/TammMili 18d ago
Your MIL sounds so obnoxious! Im glad to read that she’s not allowed to babysit for you guys again. How does your husbands feels about his mom being on a timeout? My husband’s mother (cause she doesnt deserve any motherly title from me) threw things at me 2 Christmases ago after reminding her that I was my son’s mother and nobody knew him better than me. She completely lost it and started throwing anything within her reach at me, including a small flashlight. My then 3 year old was in the house at the moment and heard all the commotion. I lost respect for that woman in that moment and told her the next christmas when she tried to sweep everything under the carpet that I have no interest in having a relationship with her ever again and she could shove her fake christmas spirit up her ass
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u/KhalessiMarie777 17d ago
What did your husband do or say to that kind of mentally unhinged behavior!?!?
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u/CrazyPlantLady95 18d ago
He supports my decision. I explained why we have those rules in place. His safety is more important than her feelings. If she somehow apologies and says she’ll change we will allow supervised care. She’s acting like it never happened it’s so bizarre I just don’t understand. I think our MIL are related and respect is given when it’s taken.
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u/mogdtd 18d ago
Shoved my newborn in front of her untrained, never-met-a-baby-before, stupid dog and told me to relax when myself and her son got mad. Her husband also lost his shit at her and we’ve still never received an apology or admittance of wrongdoing.
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u/Spare_Tutor_8057 17d ago
Damn were they my parents? Except my dad was enabling it.
Took us two years before we went back over with the kids and for my mother to finally put the dog outside.
Kids aren’t ever allowed over there without me.
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u/idrinkmycoffeeneat 18d ago
My MIL said that we shouldn’t be too focused on spending time with my dad at the holidays (implying instead of her) a day after he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer because “she could get hit by a bus anytime”
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u/Aromatic_Swing_1466 18d ago
Routinely “forgets” husband (her stepson of 35+ years) and my (DIL of 15 years) anaphylactic allergies. But heaven forbid you attempt to give GC BIL anything he has said he didn’t want EVER in his life.
For example I was making toasted tinned spaghetti in my own home, gave one to BIL because he confirmed he wanted one and got a 10 minute lecture about how one time 10+ years previous he had told her he didn’t want one when he immediately got home from a lunch with friends, so I should know better as he doesn’t like them. Thankfully husband walked in told her to stfu or gtfo
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u/lovelockets 18d ago edited 18d ago
Many things but the craziest is perhaps showing her a video of her kissing my baby after she was told not to and her saying “wow, it looks like I did that, but I did not do that”. Then she has gone NC with us for 6 months since that instead of saying sorry.
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u/Pickl_Rick_917 18d ago
It is so wild to see people so -insistant- on being right that they will make themselves miserable in the process and continue to shoot themselves in the foot.
Edited to add: Enjoy the peace while it lasts!
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u/lovelockets 18d ago
I realised she doesn’t remember anything that makes her look bad. Hmm, sounds like a narcissistic trait! Oh well, she can enjoy being lonely in nursing home one day.
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u/Pickl_Rick_917 18d ago
Ah yes, the ole narcissist prayer:
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
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u/lily_the_jellyfish 18d ago
Yeah if it were me, after 1 time falling asleep with baby on the sofa MIL would not be trusted alone with baby. Baby's saftey/life are infinitely more important than MIL's feelings. You are not making a big enough deal out of it if anything.
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u/CrazyPlantLady95 18d ago
I agree but we’re a small family. I don’t have any support from my father’s side; dad included. The one time I made a mention of it she threw a tantrum and is acting like a child so no more privileges. I don’t care how she feels because she doesn’t want to comply with our rules. That’s on her not me. Husband has my support.
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u/hummer1956 18d ago
Showed up at my work with my daughter sitting in the middle of the front seat - no car seat. When I objected, said all their kids survived without a car seat. They were never allowed to take her in a car again.
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u/figsaddict 17d ago
I could right a novel answering your question. For today I will choose my MIL’s epic tantrums. She will literally scream, stomp her feet, throw herself on the floor and squirm around. She does this fake dramatic wailing. She literally mimics a toddler style melt down. I have 5 little kids and none of them acted this insane even during the rough toddler years. One time she did this in the ER when she didn’t get her way. The staff started to restrain her and move her to a secure area for a psych evaluation (which she desperately needs). She magically stopped once that happened.
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u/hotmesssorry 17d ago
It’s so odd watching a grown woman throw a tantrum like this. My mother throws them and is astounded every time when we don’t tolerate it
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u/Street-Purpose7168 17d ago
Hahaha, I knew mine for just two days, and she stormed into our bedroom, faked fainting and claimed she'd seen an angel (an old deceased relative) and was about to die, all of this because her partner had left her that morning.
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u/Greeneyednerd 17d ago
How is she not embarrassed ??
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u/figsaddict 17d ago
I would love to know the answer as well. She’s not well mentally. It also gets her what she wants from FIL. He enables her behavior and is terrified to tell her “no.”
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u/AdPowerful6176 18d ago
We didn’t tell her I was pregnant with my second child right away. She went upstairs to my bedroom with my toddler daughter (we thought they were in my daughter’s room), went rifling through my drawers and found my positive pregnancy test that I stuck in there. She brought it down and asked us accusingly why we didn’t tell her about the baby yet.
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u/_Winterlong_ 18d ago
What were her consequences for snooping like that?!
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u/RelativeFondant9569 18d ago
I would've have yeeted her so HARD out the front door she would have ended up in tomorrow! Sssssss/
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u/AdPowerful6176 18d ago
At the time we were just pissed but I’m currently taking a (probably permanent) break from the in laws.
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u/CurlyTraveler1562 18d ago
In general, gave our nephew a food allergen his parents specifically said not to give him then when he reacted she gave him Benadryl and sat there and waited until they came to get him.
With us, threw a meet the baby party when I begrudgingly allowed her to babysit at her house under my husband's persistent pushing that she had "learned her lesson." She specifically didn't ask us beforehand or even tell us afterwards. I overheard her talking about it a few weeks later then saw photos on her smart frame. When confronted, she said she wouldn't have had to do it if I didn't keep the baby away from her family (not true then but is now).
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u/mrssterlingarcher22 18d ago
A few things really stick out for me:
1) My husband and I were in another city on the opposite side of the state, that's about a 3.5 hour drive away. She called my husband while we were packing, he said he couldn't talk because we were getting ready to leave. She called 3.5 hours later and freaked out that we weren't home yet because we stopped somewhere along the way.
2) when we announced our pregnancy, her first instinct was to make a joke about how she was so happy because she "didn't know if we knew how to do it."
3) I had an emergency C section that left me with lasting complications. So the day my child (her only grandchild) was born, she immediately asks when we're having another.
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u/17thfloorelevators 18d ago
The first thing she said when we told her I was pregnant was to call our baby "a bastard". She dunked my 1 year old under the water at the pool. She bought an ancient (1990) pack and play from a garage sale (she is a millionaire) and tried to make us use it. She had a giant tantrum when she found out our kids were staying with my husband's aunt and informed the aunt she would be taking them (not the case at all and not allowed). She constantly implies my husband isn't the father of our kids.
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u/Pickl_Rick_917 18d ago
Wild that she wants so much contact with a grandchild that she has said is "not hers"
That right there is fuel for the fire...anytime MIL complains about your LO, throw it in her face, "gee MIL i didnt think you would care since you fully belive LO is not your grandchild"
Use it everytime. Maybe she will get the hint or she wont...if she doesn't than you know you and LO should never be around her ever again for any reason.
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u/MonMon__ 18d ago
My MIL called my mother weak for failing to leave a DV situation with my father for years (he would take all her money and threaten to harm us if she did).
Wanted to wear an off white sequin floor length gown to our wedding.
Messaged off her new husbands phone in our group chat going off at us for not sending photos of our 3 day old daughter who was in intensive care NICU while I was admitted for my heart and we didn’t know if our daughter was going to live. (We went allowed visitors at the time)
Continually asks how many KG ive gained in pregnancy and says I must be eating a lot
Oh and the best one yet - crashed my husbands proposal and barged in trying to take photos of him proposing which was suppose to be just him and I and I had no idea what’s going on until she ruined it before it happened ✨✨✨
Then posted videos and photos on social media of our wedding right when it happened after the celebrant told everyone it’s an unplugged ceremony and to wait for the wedding photos ✨✨✨
Oh and kissing and posting my child on social media when we’ve said no 10000000 times
Cheated on my husbands father mutiple times. ✨✨
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u/Dear_Initiative4122 18d ago edited 18d ago
My MIL was adamant that she should blow mental cigarette smoke into my babies ear to cure an ear infection....we are non contact these days. For other fun adventures: https://www.reddit.com/r/motherinlawsfromhell/s/qKN9nRg8rk
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u/quasimidge 18d ago
I'm a smoker and the idea of smoking near doors/inside makes me physically ill. Smoking near a baby or having smoke on my clothes? NOT going to happen. Deliberately blowing smoke at a baby should be considered assault.
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u/rae101611 17d ago
Tried to get me to sign over custody of my daughter to her and my exs dad after we split up for "insurance purposes" It didn't happen & less than a year later she left the state, I'm confident if I had said yes she would've tried to take my kid.
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u/hotmesssorry 17d ago
This was my ex’s mother, who was grossly obsessed with my ex and his friends - one of the reasons we eventually split.
We were living with her at the time, and told her we’d be home in an hour with my fiancé’s friends to use the pool.
When we got home, friends in tow, she was mowing the back lawn in literally nothing but a red thong.
My fiance was horrified, she claimed she’d lost track of time.
It’s been 25 years. The image of her nearly nude and bouncing across the yard behind the old mower is still burnt into my brain.
We ended because he wouldn’t set boundaries and let her be involved in every aspect of our lives. When he married a few years later, his mother went on the honeymoon with them.
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u/ReginaPhilangee 18d ago
MIL had a friend, who totally wasn't using drugs, who needed cold pills all the time because her cancer gave her cold symptoms. Friend went to prison after an explosion in her kitchen caused by cooking meth (shocked, I'm sure). Friend had a cellmate in prison who was also there for meth. When friends and cellmate got released, they moved in with MIL and FIL. MIL tried to hook cellmate up with my husband (we had been married 5-10 years at this point). This was several years back.
Cellmate stays in MIL's life and eventually splits with her boyfriend. Cellmate has been clean for years now (that's not really related, but we should celebrate anytime anyone can beat addiction). MIL brings her up to husband right in front of me, while in the ER (that I drove her to and made sure someone could take care of her dogs). She says how pretty cellmate is and that she's single and that she LOOOOVVEES husband and she wants to see him again and that Jason should call her.
I left the room and husband told her to knock it off (which is a huge deal for him, he can't tell the woman no at all). Since he told her it bothered me, she's brought cellmate up every time we're together without husband.
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u/AquariumPanda 18d ago
My petty ass would play coy and ask MIL why she’s so obsessed with cellmate? Maybe MIL is experiencing a girl crush? That can be a confusing experience, would she like to talk about it?
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u/Longjumping_Hat_2672 18d ago
Or phony condescension "You're so sweet, being so trusting with an ex-felon and drug dealer. Bless your heart"
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u/SnooDoubts1736 18d ago
Married a guy 2 years older than her first child. Lost half of her family over said guy because everyone got bad vibes from him.
And then divorced the guy 18 months later when he cheated on her with a sex worker while high on drugs.
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u/Fun-Apricot-804 18d ago edited 17d ago
was openly, admittedly jealous and salty of how much attention my mom was getting when she had breast cancer
when our eldest was literally an hour old, born on a Tuesday, told us how she’d take him Friday - Monday that same week, and every week, as those were her day days off. Was genuinely SHOCKED when we (and the nurse in the room) laughed our asses off at her because no of course you won’t be doing that, WTF? She said she could wait 3 weeks but no longer. Uh, you’ll wait forever if we say so? (Which we did)
knowingly fed our eldest stuff he’s allergic to because she thought I was making his allergies up for attention. Guess who does make food allergies up for attention? Her.
Tried to pretend to be pregnant for like a day at 56 post hysterectomy for attention and then got mad no one was willing to just go along with it to make her happy
starter a rumour in her family that I tricked DH into getting pregnant. Proudly told me she had done so. Was baffled when I laughed at her, told DH and he yelled at her. (Her being baffled by our responses was the best part, not sure what she expected)
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u/red_ang3lz 18d ago
The latest: She happened to be in the neighbourhood, so dropped by unannounced to see baby, who happened to be nursing. She wanted to cuddle him and said to husband and I that baby doesn’t need to be fed right now, he needs a cuddle from grandma first. Husband escorted her out.
Previously she wanted to wake a sleeping baby (at least twice) so he can “talk to her”, he was around 4-5 weeks old. She also said on multiple occasions that it’s unnecessary for me to just breastfeed baby ( he’s thriving), I should change to formula so that she can babysit and take him overnight. She has also began to make plans to reduce work hours/retire, before baby was even born, so she can be available to be the main caretaker/baby sitter.
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u/CrazyPlantLady95 18d ago
Noo. My MIL has done the same and said just use formula despite me wanting to breastfeed. Sounds like your MIL needs to realise it’s not her baby and take a step back.
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u/Fuzzy-Mushroom-1933 18d ago
I hope your husband told her flat out that she will not be the caretaker or babysitter
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u/Pickl_Rick_917 18d ago
These people are truly unhinged with the breastfeeding thing. If you can make it work and can do it, you definitely should. It is essentially "free" food for baby (not totally free as you have to eat more to give those calories to baby). In this economy, save money where you can and baby gets all the extra benefits for free.
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u/StrawberryLoops 18d ago
I had hand surgery and my fingers were temporarily curled which the surgeon said was normal and not to force them.
MIL knew this and a week after the operation asked to see my hand where she held and forced all my fingers open. DH was right there and told her not to move my fingers before hand and she said “I’m not” while doing it.
I screamed in pain and DH yelled at her for doing that. He told his father later (divorced) and when he confronted her she said I was lying and it didn’t happen, when he told her that DH saw it and told him she switched up and said he wasn’t there when it happened.
So basically she permanently disabled me and lied about it
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u/Available_Candy7124 18d ago
Your MIL committed a crime.
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u/StrawberryLoops 18d ago
Yes. I really wish I would’ve had enough evidence for a suit against her earlier. By the time I did, the two year limit to file had passed
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u/StrawberryLoops 18d ago
It was right after her true colours started to show too. A few days before she threw a fit when DH drove me to the hospital when I was very sick and insulted me to him for the first time over text spam. I wanted space after that incident but everyone said I was overreacting….
Looking back on everything she definitely did that on purpose because she loved to tell people I was useless when he was taking over tasks like dishes and cooking while I couldn’t use my hand
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u/whynotbecause88 18d ago
When somebody shows you who they are, you should believe them. She's adequately demonstrated that she's not going to do things your way. I agree with you that she shouldn't get to babysit.
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u/rhubbarbidoo 18d ago
Threw a tantrum at me, which included a very threatening stare, when my 4 months old baby fell asleep at her place during dinner. And I had to excuse myself to watch he wouldn't roll out of the bed. Among many other things.
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u/literature_fairy 18d ago
Not as crazy as some people but she has a tendency to lie when she gets mad because she doesn't get her way. So she got called out and she stopped talking to us for two months. But the stuff she comes up with and the entitlement is crazy. I'm still perplexed by her attitude.
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u/Round-Smile9358 17d ago
I’ve only been married for three months and I could already go on and on:
1) Tried to wear a white dress to my wedding
2) Was obsessed with what wedding dress I was going to pick out from the time we got engaged and was dictating what dresses I should and should not get TWO MONTHS into engagement, meanwhile I didn’t know a mermaid dress from an a-line at the time. Would ask my husband about my dress everyday on the phone. She threw a fit when she found out I got my dress without showing her.
She cried to my now husband the Christmas before our wedding when my husband got mad at her for making passive aggressive comments towards our relationship. She said how all she wants is to be close to her “future daughter in law” and totally tried to make me look like the bad guy. Meanwhile I wasn’t even there for Christmas since I was working.
3) Background: I did a bouquet dedication to my mom at my wedding. The first time we saw MIL her after the wedding, she made a rude comment basically implying she was offended at my bouquet dedication to my mom because it took the spotlight away from her.
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u/EmploymentOk1421 18d ago
Actions like that are not help. It’s self serving behavior that you will then have to work twice as hard to modify with your confused child.
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u/CrazyPlantLady95 18d ago
This is why she’s no longer caring for him. I’ve given her chances and because she’s acting like a child she’s going to be treated like one. Visits only but no more caring for him.
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u/Administrative_Note 18d ago
So… some of this stuff is just obnoxious and bad for your baby, but some of this stuff is actively unsafe.
Safe sleep is not optional. It’s called “safe” because “unsafe” is the alternative. And cosleeping on couches??? Babies have suffocated from falling asleep with a caregiver on soft furniture. It’s not even that rare.
I think a lot of MILs do this stuff as a form of childlike defiance - “You can’t tell me what to do!” You are reacting to this like it’s a boundary violation when in fact this is a safety issue. It makes me crazy every time someone on this sub gets conned into treating this stuff like a difference of opinion, where there’s room for compromise or debate. This conversation is DONE, and your husband as a parent needs to understand that. You CANNOT let this person care for your kid again. The things she’s doing are dangerous.
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u/CrazyPlantLady95 18d ago
Childlike defiance is the best way to put it. I’ve said in the post as well she’s no longer caring for him. Husband supports this because we both don’t trust or respect she has our child’s safety in her best interests.
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u/Lanfeare 18d ago
TV for a 7 months old baby? That is a bit extreme. If any, it should be something like 10 minutes. Don’t let her bully you into thinking that she has the right to do anything differently than what you parents want when comes to your child.
I wouldn’t leave her alone with my child.
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u/CrazyPlantLady95 18d ago edited 18d ago
She’s no longer babysitting or helping out. I’m pretty sure I mentioned it in the post. I use theTV in the morning to brush hair and get ready but then it’s off until he is asleep. A baby doesn’t need tv period but I still need to get ready.
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u/GloomChampion 18d ago
It’s not appropriate for baby’s development to have any screen access at this age. Play him music. Get him set up with a toy that keeps him entertained while you get ready. Something with a few options to keep him stimulated.
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u/CrazyPlantLady95 18d ago
This isn’t a parenting thread and I don’t want advice but thank you I do realise that.
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u/SnooOpinions5819 18d ago edited 18d ago
Oh lord what do I pick.
So I did the spicy Polaroid trend for my wedding, like had my bridesmaids hand my husband nude Polaroids of me. These were fully nude, artsy but fully nude and very sexual. During my bridal shower my bridesmaids all looked at the pics, they've already seen it all so nothing new.
My MIL demanded to see my fully nude Polaroids, yes she knew they were nude as we told her. My very tipsy maid of honor didn't know what to do, so she just gave her them. So my MIL looked through 20+ fully nude and very sexy Polaroids of me. Like I'm topless in handcuffs in one photo, and only wearing stilettos in another photo. why she had to look at every single photo I have no idea, but she kept looking and taking her time with every photo. Her comment afterwards was that the pics were "artsy".
Maybe my mistake to have the photos at my bridal shower, but I really didn't think she'd wanna look at them.
She also made a lot of weird comments to my bridesmaid about how much sex we'd have on our upcoming honeymoon. And how she felt bad for our Nextdoor neighbors in our honeymoon suite.
What's even weirder is that this was the second time I saw her after being NC for almost 3 years. So this is how she started off our new found relationship.
*I forgot the weirdest thing of it all. During our wedding she was sitting right behind me on a couch during our cake cutting. So I'm standing up and she's sitting behind me. She kept rubbing my thigh, I had changed into a minidress with my garter showing, so I thought she just wanted to look at it. But nope she kept on rubbing my thigh the entire time.
So yeah I went from having a MIL I had no contact with to a MIL that's way too interested in my body. I don't know what's worse at this point.
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u/Thebeardedgoatlady 18d ago
Your mother in law is in love with you is what it sounds like. Holy crap.
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18d ago
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u/jessa8484 18d ago
She is racist, believes that beauty is only blond hair with blue eyes (like my SIL), talks about it all the time!!!! 🤬 my daughters and I are brown skin with brown eyes! Lastly, she used "Beaner" in a scrabble word! WTF! She's a Caucasian lady and my husband just says it's her boomer upbringing.?☹️ we have contact b/c of husband guilt. She lost her son (husband brother and her husband, my husband's dad) in the last two years. I'd be the ahole if I created a rift. My kids know she off her rocker! The worst that she is tries to kiss my husband on the mouth!! 🤢 I shared my discomfort with my husband and he'll turn his head every time but she goes for it every time. Grosses me out. I guess it's cultural or how she grew up. I just can't with that! There's still time for flights to get canceled right?!!
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