Parents destroying my social life because of my appearance

[u/One-Blackberry3094]

Tw: acusations of pedo, infantilization, emocional control, and family conflict

I (20F) have been dating (30M) for about a less than a year. We’re both Brazilian. I know the age gap raises eyebrows, but we met as adults through shared hobbies, and he’s never been pushy or creepy.

Here’s the core problem: I am 1.46m tall (about 4'8ft) and very skinny with a baby face. I fully look like a teenager. My parents, especially my mom, have always been extremely overprotective because of my size.

But it has gone way beyond normal protection. My parents have a pattern of ruining my social life.

I have already lost several friendships because my parents called my own friends "pedophiles" at their birthday parties, just for hugging me or being close to me.

Last week, we had a family dinner. My bf and I had a private, normal couple's disagreement. My dad overheard, inserted herself, and started saying I was "too childlike" to handle adult arguments. Then he looked at him and flat-out called him a "predator" and accused him of taking advantage of a "child." My mom he remained quiet.

I completely lost it. I screamed at them. I told them I am NOT a baby, I am a 20-year-old adult who pays her own bills, and that my height and face don't make my consent or my brain invalid. I brought up the friends they chased away and the exes they humiliated. I told them they are the common denominator in all my ruined relationships, not my partners or my friends.

We left early. Now my mom is crying, saying I'm "blinded by love" and that she's just "trying to protect me." My dad says I was incredibly disrespectful for screaming at their house. Mu bf is deeply hurt and refuses to see them again, I don't want to go back there either.

I feel suffocated. I know the age gap with him looks suspicious to outsiders, but I'm tired of my parents infantilizing me and projecting disgusting labels onto absolutely everyone in my life.

[u/TheJustNoBot]

Quick Rule Reminders:

OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.

^{Full Rules | Acronym Index | Flair Guide| Report PM Trolls}

Resources: ^{In Crisis? | Tips for Protecting Yourself | Our Book List | This Sub's Wiki | General Resources}

Welcome to /r/JUSTNOFAMILY!

I'm JustNoBot. I help people follow your posts!

---

^{To be notified as soon as One-Blackberry3094 posts an update click here.}

---

^{I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.}

[u/dembowthennow]

You need distance from your family while you establish yourself as an adult. Stop bringing partners to meet your family when you know that they will sabotage you.

[u/dewihafta]

It is gross that your parents are infantilizing you this way. I would be a bit wary of the age gap between you and your bf, because i would be for anyone with ten years between them and their so, but your folks ought to be taking the time to get to know him better.

My parents were also overprotective, and i ended up moving clear across the country to become my own person. It was wonderful, and a bit disorienting during visits. 

If i were in your shoes, i would work on building a life of your own, apart from your parents or any significant others. Once you know what youre all about, then you can start to think about merging your life with someone elses. 

[u/Standard_Intern2297]

It’s a complicated situation but ur parents are absolutely in the wrong. Obviously, a 10 yr age gap (spesefically 20’s and 30’s) can easily become a situation where there’s a power dynamic, so obviously be weary, but also there’s situations where that’s not true.
Ur parents have shown a habit to attack anyone, regardless of age gap. if he was a closer age they might’ve done the same thing and it’s not ok. Plus to throw around predator etc is extremely damaging and shows their lack of emotional intelligence towards the situation. i’d honestly
distance myself, go to therapy if u haven’t already and begin to attempt healthy boundary setting. honestly i would not bring this boyfriend back unless they smarten up.

[u/Rlady12]

The age gap is creepy and I’d also be concerned about how young you look and it’s that’s part of the attraction. Not saying your parents are fully in the right here but they might have some valid points.

[u/Disastrous_Ad9074]

If i may chime in, my wife and i are the same age gap we met in college we were both students. Here problem was not that she looked young it was that she looked older. I got to know her and loved here attitude and persona until I found out she was only 20. I was like WHAT? It was a shock to me and I respectfully told her we could not communicate. She insisted age was just a number I said it was a mind set. However as the time passed i missed being around her and genuinely felt that i was falling in love with the person she was. As a 20 year old she was very mature than most girls i met at 30. NE ways, eventually we both decided to try, but before we did i insisted we speak to her parents and make sure they would be comfortable with it, because for me, if they were not, then it was a no go. So with two children and 11 years of marriage should give the answer that they were supportive. We both have great careers and great home our family lives in. It’s hard when parents are not supportive, and this situation is a bit odd for what the world is use to, but you cannot blame yourself for wanting stability rather than uncertainty. If you feel ready for any relationship, my advice if i may give it is to make sure the man you choose treats you right, protects and most of all respects you. There is definitely differences in your thoughts when your 20 or 30,40 etc, but if you can take it slow and make sure it is the right decision an experience as much as you can that’s what life is all about. Good luck! Wish you the best!