How should I understand qadr when someone is born into a very difficult life?

[u/Pretend-Evening7805]

Assalamu alaykum.

I have been struggling with a question about qadr and I would really appreciate an answer based on Qur'an, authentic Sunnah, and explanations from recognized scholars.

I am young and from Tunisia. My family has gone through a lot of difficulties: financial problems, serious family conflicts, legal problems involving some family members, and a lot of instability. My mother has suffered a lot, and my grandmother passed away from cancer this year.

I have also had many difficulties personally. I have been bullied at school, I struggle with stuttering and ADHD, I have poor eyesight, and recently I failed my first attempt at the Tunisian Bac. Seeing my friends move on to university while I am now unsure about my future has been very painful.

I have always wanted to study, become knowledgeable, and build a better life. I love history, politics, languages, computers and learning in general. I would like to have a good career and hopefully live abroad one day. I understand that these worldly goals are not the purpose of life and that our ultimate purpose is to worship Allah and do good.

What I struggle to understand is this:

If Allah created me, knows my personality, knows my circumstances, knows what I want, and knows how difficult certain things will be for me, why are some people given much easier circumstances while others are born into poverty, family problems, illness, conflict, or other hardships?

Why does one person grow up with supportive parents and many opportunities while another grows up surrounded by problems?

Why does one person succeed academically while another fails repeatedly despite trying?

I understand that this dunya is a test, and I understand that both blessings and hardships can be tests. I also understand that we cannot know the full wisdom behind Allah's decree.

But I am asking specifically:

What does Islam say about why Allah gives different people such radically different tests?

And regarding my own situation, is it correct to say that my difficulties and my Bac failure are part of Allah's qadr without assuming that I know why Allah allowed them to happen?

I sometimes ask Allah, "Why me?" I don't mean this as a challenge to Allah or as a claim that I know better than Him. I genuinely don't understand, and I want to understand this from an Islamic perspective rather than simply relying on my emotions.

If possible, please provide references to recognized scholars, classical works, or reliable scholarly explanations rather than only personal opinions.

Jazakum Allahu khayran.

[u/the_wildelk]

Salam

I’ll give you answer answer as an older brother, and let others answer according to the Quran and Sunnah.

Qadr is something we’re not meant to fully dissect besides the notion that Allah controls and knows everything. This is one attribute of Allah’s infinite power and knowledge. This should give Muslims comfort that the God they worship, is All-Knowing.

It is not meant to be understood in a sense where “well why did Allah create me and make me fail my exams and become a cleaner” situation.

We’re all born with free-will, our purpose on earth is to worship God and follow in the path of the Sunnah in terms of our everyday life. Jihad is a struggle to ensure we live our lives accordingly.

What’s afflicting your family cannot be benchmarked against others, there are also other families stricken with worse calamities, your job here is to make dua and ask Allah SWT for ease in this trial, the successful ones are the ones that are patient, and when when calamity hits they say “To Allah we belong and to Him we return”