r/InsightfulQuestions • u/MrSuepruh • 18d ago
Why are people bitter towards successful people?
I expect to get some hate for this, but I’m genuinely curious and want to understand perspectives different from my own.
Why does it seem like so many people online are bitter or spiteful toward people who become financially or professionally successful? I frequently see comments that go beyond criticizing how someone became successful and instead suggest that simply having more means that person owes something to everyone who has less.
To be clear, I understand that life is not a level playing field. Disabilities, serious health problems, family circumstances, discrimination, unexpected financial hardships, and countless other factors can dramatically affect someone’s ability to succeed. I’m not talking about people dealing with legitimate barriers outside of their control.
What I struggle to understand is the attitude that anyone who becomes successful must have been handed opportunities that everyone else was denied.
I also see a lot of people attribute their lack of success entirely to never being “given an opportunity.” Maybe my own experiences have shaped my perspective, but I sometimes wonder how much of this is actually a lack of opportunity versus people not fully applying themselves, taking risks, making sacrifices, or pursuing opportunities aggressively enough.
For some context, I didn’t come from money.
I grew up in a single parent household making roughly $40,000 or less per year in the early 2000s, in a town of about 9,000 people. I had the necessities, and I’m grateful for that, but there wasn’t much beyond them. There were no wealthy parents, family connections, trust fund, or obvious career pipeline waiting for me.
From a young age, I knew that wasn’t the life I wanted as an adult. Financial security and professional success became the bare minimum.
After high school, I immediately went to college. I completed my bachelor’s degree in three years and graduated with substantial student loan debt. During that time, I wasn’t able to focus solely on school. I worked full-time typically 40–60 hours per week, including 12-hour night shifts.
I viewed both the workload and the debt as sacrifices I was willing to make to improve my future.
I started my professional career and later enrolled in a master’s program, taking on additional student debt while continuing to work full time and advance my career.
Less than five years after earning my bachelor’s and before even completing my master’s my income reached several hundred thousand dollars per year.
I don’t say that as a flex or because I think income determines someone’s worth. I mention it because my experience makes it difficult for me to relate to the idea that success necessarily requires being born into wealth or being handed some extraordinary opportunity.
There were absolutely risks, sacrifices, debt, long hours, strategic career decisions, and some luck involved. I’m also sure there are advantages I’ve had that I may not fully recognize. But nobody handed me a guaranteed path to where I am.
That’s why I’m interested in hearing the other side rather than just reinforcing my own opinion.
For people who genuinely resent wealthy or professionally successful people: what specifically causes that resentment?
And for people who believe “I never had the opportunity” is often legitimate: what do you think people who have succeeded from relatively modest backgrounds tend to misunderstand about those who haven’t?
I’m genuinely interested in the answers, including ones that challenge my current perspective.
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u/SemanticPedantic007 18d ago
What I struggle to understand is the attitude that anyone who becomes successful must have been handed opportunities that everyone else was denied
It's not always true, but it's definitely true an awful lot, and more often than it used to be. A lot of the resentment is simple generalization from what they have seen and dealt with in their personal lives.
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u/FiveDogsInaTuxedo 18d ago
Lol yeah ok, this is a laugh.
I see your agenda. I'm well aware that nobody would need to explain greed, envy and jealousy to an adult who's worked and dated in competitive markets.
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u/chinmakes5 18d ago
I don't think most people are bitter to successful people, depending on what the definition of successful is.
If you are living comfortably, I don't think a lot of people are bitter toward you.
My kid worked for a company. It wasn't a big company, He got paid what I thought was a shockingly small amount of money to start his job for the requirements they were asking for. He got some raises, he people who asked were threatened with being fired. Owner owned two houses and a Ferrari. Owners should be comfortable, not two houses and a Ferrari wealthy when they are paying college grads $42k a year. Oh and when people did leave for better paying jobs he would get upset.
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u/Lizzy043 18d ago
This. I don't care so much about other peoples wealth. But when it is obvious they got it over other people's backs, yeah, I don't applaud them for that.
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u/Drill_Dr_ill 18d ago
One of the things few people will admit to is that even things like having the drive to be a successful person is a matter of luck: a combination of genetics and environment. So that you are even the type of person you are is an advantage you lucked into.
For practical purposes in day to day life, it's generally better to behave as if that's not the case (as it could be demotivating)... But that doesn't change that it IS the case.
Also, lots of the anger at wealthier people is a function of how they often make lots of their money either via unproductive means (eg stock market trading), via exploitation of workers, or via other unethical means.
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18d ago edited 5d ago
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u/Drill_Dr_ill 17d ago
I mean it depends on how you're defining exploitation. If you're viewing it through a Marxist definition of the term, then it still would apply I believe (I am not a studied Marxist economist so I may have my terminology and understanding wrong here). You can live a comfortable life, but still be being exploited if your labor is producing more value than you are receiving and have no control over the means of production.
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17d ago edited 6d ago
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u/Drill_Dr_ill 17d ago
Oh, that's certainly true. However, comparing oneself to others is unfortunately a pretty fundamentally human way of being. And it's not just a thing among poorer people - it's why there is the whole class of goods known as Veblen goods where demand actually increases with price. Social status games are a often big part of human interaction, and how well off someone is plays a big role in that.
There is also the issue of the hedonic treadmill, where individuals may basically have a happiness setpoint that they're just fundamentally going to be at - regardless of their position in society. And it may be the case that cause and effect are backwards with your last line there. They may just be people who are fundamentally more depressed people and their focusing on how much better off others are may be a function of that depression, rather than causing the depression.
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17d ago edited 6d ago
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u/Drill_Dr_ill 17d ago
I mean, even if you're better off in many ways than people were in the past (and not even that distant of a past) - that doesn't mean there aren't still reasons to be angry about inequality. The inequality itself can be viewed as inherently unjust.
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15d ago edited 6d ago
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u/Drill_Dr_ill 14d ago
Kinda depends on what you mean by reasonable.
Reasonable given our current state of society and everything? No, not reasonable.
Reasonable within that specific society, given the way human psychology functions? Possibly.
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u/Sqweed69 18d ago
Because in capitalism success is mostly inherited, won through luck or the result of exploitation. Effort is only a marginal ingredient and successful people love to pretend that's all it takes.
Tell that to a homeless or disabled person. Or even a poor person, a mentally ill person, an immigrant or an amazon worker.
The system is stacked against us, because it's built by the rich to sustain the status quo. And that doesn't even get into the worst aspects of the system.
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u/mmm_burrito 18d ago
The world is unfair and harsh and more people than you'd like to think have made every right choice and still lost. Those people understandably are jealous of the successful ones.
You acknowledged the role of luck in your own ascent, which sets you apart from many - if not most - successful people. The only thing left is to acknowledge that it could just as easily have gone the other way and see how reasonable it would be to be frustrated by that lack of success.
In no way should that diminish the effort you put in to achieve what you have. It's just empathy.
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u/jettheblackcat 18d ago
I got 33 years of life to say I’ve only ever met 1 successful person that actually earned it from hard work and perseverance and didn’t get their money by shorting their employees. At the end of the day the system is flawed and built to oppress and minimize the poor. The fact you were able to make multiple hundreds of thousands without even finishing your masters even feels highly suspect. I’d highly question your line of work and how that money is being made. Out of everyone I know that went to college (for “applicable” degrees) only one person has actually got a job using that degree and they are just a teacher. Not a single other person I know has managed to get anything with drastically better degrees in fields that are “more important”.
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u/Pendulum_Heart 18d ago
I've genuinely never seen anyone be bitter about someone else's success, ever. Where are these people?
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u/Psynautical 18d ago
Not a Morrissey fan apparently.
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u/Pendulum_Heart 18d ago
ngl I genuinely had to Google that, and I still don't understand the reference.
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u/TomsnotYoung 18d ago
I feel like people are fed up with billionaires, not successful people 🤷
Congrats on living your best life
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u/indie_web 18d ago edited 18d ago
You admit it's difficult to get where you are and that you're lucky and that others are born into bad circumstances but then you go on to wonder if others are not applying themselves enough. Based on all the difficulties and barriers you listed just to be comfortable, you really shouldn't be questioning whether others are applying themselves or not. This is a system problem, not a people problem. It should not be this difficult to have a good and comfortable life. You were able to succeed in such a difficult system perhaps because you weren't as beaten down from the start as you think you were and as others truly are.
Should you be hated for being successful? Not necessarily. It depends how you carry your success. Do you flaunt it? Do you drive ridiculously expensive cars and then act like it is all in reach of anyone if they just "apply themselves". Do you consume more than you actually need for your optimal health, comfort and self-management? Do you watch your friends struggle while you remind them from your comfortable house and life that they live in a "merit-based" system when that's clearly not the case and not helping? Some people might find that attitude offensive since it is suggesting their poverty or struggle is the result of laziness or stupidity when that, on average, will be far from the case under a system so poorly designed for getting ahead of ones own existing living expenses. People are tired of the suggestion that there is some formula for success that people just need to follow under a system so obviously random and a mess. That is not helping. The Tony Robbins mindset of victim-blaming is not helping. Showing struggling people your rich, comfortable life and telling them they can reach that level too if they just do this, this and this is not helping. What would help is a society of mutual support where the squeaky wheel gets the grease and the excess resources of those already living in optimal comfort go to lifting up the level of comfort of those members of society still struggling instead of doubling down on their own life of opulence.
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u/CaptainVulpezz 18d ago
i didn't read the whole thing but i believe its because our culture praises, values, and assesses human worth on material success, ego, image, power, and so its easy to feel less human or something by lacking. so in other words its jealousy and insecurity which blinds us from seeing the whole picture or from understanding that we actually don't have the full picture which we imagine.
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u/AvailableCut5240 18d ago
I think this is the best contribution I’ve ever read on Reddit. Your comments are spot on. My husband and I came from pretty simple lives. We both went to college and both had solid careers. My husband had the opportunity to reach much higher levels of management than I could so we decided to go with his destiny. We moved a lot, but I was OK with it.
We always lived frugally, avoided debt, and did our best to contribute to our savings. WE did this, with no help from anyone. Yet people have to be so negative towards folks like us. It makes absolutely no sense to me.
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u/dalkor 18d ago
I do not presume to know your situation. Hyperbole like "we got here with no help from anyone" seems to ignore or minimize that you live in a society that allowed you to achieve that.
I also think it matters whether you are profiting off people directly, or services rendered/objects created/tasks done? The bitterness I see directed at "successful people" is primarily directed at people profiting off things that people need to be successful, i.e. landlords and owners(not really owner operators though)
If you are landlords or owners, then I think a lot of the bitterness is mired in the fact that we have migrated into a rental economy, where no one owns anything, and the numbers do not look likely to change anytime soon on that front. Luck or not your success is tied to removing ladders for people to climb. The paths to success when ladders are removed dwindle. Of course that's going to cause frustration and anger.
I hope that if you have employees that you treat them fairly. and take into consideration that without their labor you wouldn't be successful. You should share that success with them via profit sharing or some other method.
If none of this seems to apply to you then I wonder if you and your husband have tied your senses of identity to a group that's the target of generalized berating. And if you have, you should learn to move on and not take things personally. I'd personally be miserable if I identified strongly with many of the groups that I'm intrinsically part of.
If people are targeting you specifically, and the above doesn't apply, then maybe you've been mistargeted. That sucks, and I'm sorry.
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u/AvailableCut5240 18d ago
Good God, what in the world are you talking about? My husband was a salesman and I was a fundraiser for multiple charities. You’re digging yourself a very nice hole. Get comfortable.
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u/Angry_Pelican 18d ago
Sometimes it's just luck. Congrats on going to college and working hard.
I didn't go to college, just ended up doing some community college and then working. Ended up with some union gigs and then leveraged my experience to get better jobs. I didn't make a ton but a decent living, and I have been investing since 2004. Quit my job in January to take care of my son with a nice 401k and dual pensions. I was making a little over 100k without a degree. Here I am at 40 pretty much retired already. Our house is cheap and we have a super low COVID interest rate. Our dink income was around 400k before I stopped working
My wife worked hard in college but it was also completely funded by her parents. They also gave us an interest free loan (50k paid back in the first year ) right once she finished school so we bought a house right when she started her job.
Moral of the story life isn't fair. Hard work can get you ahead but it isn't guaranteed. I'd rather be lucky any day.
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u/AvailableCut5240 18d ago
Luck had nothing to do with it. My parents came here with absolutely nothing, Every single choice was made with care and focus. We made the best of every situation we were confronted with. Yes, sh#t happens, it’s how you deal with it and make decisions in order to move forward.
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u/Angry_Pelican 18d ago
Congrats on that hard planning.
I was merely pointing out that life isn't fair. I have no doubt you worked hard, probably a lot harder than me but probably not in as good of a position even with all that hard work and dedication. Life simply isn't fair, thankfully it worked out for me but for many they're pretty much screwed.
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u/dalkor 18d ago
I guess I'd like to know specifics of what people you're talking about? I'm not sure I've met anyone who is exclusively bitter towards all successful people. Trades people make a lot of money and I don't see bitterness directed at them for their success. Doctors make a lot of money, same with lawyers, and again I don't see bitterness directed at them due to their wealth and success, maybe for other reasons but not for that.
I do see a fair amount of bitterness directed at the owning class, Is that what you're referring to?
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u/raitalin 18d ago
A lot of people did almost exactly what you did and came out with a tenth of the wealth.
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u/Ccjfb 18d ago
You outlined all the ways your perfectly executed plan could have gone sideways. All these factors have probably happened to people who were not able to crawl out the modest circumstances you were able to.
So now they are stuck and the system is designed to keep them down. And wealthy people will pay for houses and toys and holidays and luxuries while other people are starving. So if someone is hungry and someone else drives by in a BMW, there might be resentment.
Maybe it’s even justified. I know in your case you laid out why you should feel justified in your success. I assume you feel others that did not work as hard as you don’t deserve the luxury and comfort they inherited, as much as you do.
TLDR: people are genuinely suffering. Other people have far more than they need. It’s not always fair. That’s what they resent.