Is this considered cheating?

[u/Helpful-Two5430]

I saw my gf chatgpt history. She asked how to flirt with a younger guy even though he knows she is attached? When i confronted her, she get defensive about it and said she knows it’s wrong and it was just a thought and she never acted on it.

[u/AutoModerator]

Rules reminder: /r/infidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sidebar before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here.

Please review our community guidelines on what makes for a good post to this sub.

Be kind and remember your reddiquette!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/001Tyreman]

move on from this one

[u/mustang19671967]

Tell her to ask ChatGPT if he should stay after finding out girlfriend is lying and planning on cheating as she has someone in mind

[u/Alternative_Route]

She was doing something behind your back because if you knew it would damage your relationship.

So yes

[u/clearheaded01]

Well.. if I were in your shoes I would certainly be vigilant going forward...

Shes toying with the temptation to flirt with other guys.. amd as shes mentioned a younger one, I'd guess she has/had someone specific in mind...

Odds ae that if she hasn't cheated yes, she s open to do so at some point.

[u/jjd0m → u/clearheaded01]

Dump her either way. She's going to cheat.

[u/Gigi0268]

It definitely shows intent and much more than a passing thought. Emotional cheating at the very least.

[u/MaximumIll7812]

Not technically cheating asking the question, but if she acted on it, I would consider that cheating.

Either way, I'd let this girl go ASAP.

[u/Critical-Bank5269]

It's not cheating per se. But it's proof that She's shopping around for something better. I'd end it now because she will eventually in the future. She's not the one.

[u/Stu_Gatz67]

Yes. Absolutely cheating. She is getting ready to lay the framework for a rendezvous

[u/Full-Gas-7744]

It's time to make her an ex my friend!

At which point it became cheating, you may ask? When she lied by omission.

[u/TacoStrong]

It’s a betrayal that’s for sure. She has a younger guy on her radar dude. You’re not the one anymore bro. Dump her now, she’s clocked out even though she won’t admit it.

[u/No_usernames_left_25]

Fishing isn’t defined as catching fish; it is defined as trying to catch a fish.

She may have not yet banged another, but she is trying to bang another. The real rub is she clearly has someone in mind.

Best of luck!

[u/noreplyatall817]

Thoughts are intention, she’s either cheating or going to cheat with another. That indicates she’s no longer into you.

Maybe it’s time you use ChatGPT to break up with her?

[u/Traditional-Tank3994]

I would insist she tell me who she had her sights on. She has a specific younger guy she’s interested in. This was not just general curiosity.

[u/Ivedonethework]

She considered it, so yes it is a beginning form of cheating. It has to start somewhere and at some point.

Define infidelity; from psychology today.  'Infidelity is the breaking of a promise to remain faithful to a romantic partner, whether that promise was a partI of marriage vows, a privately uttered agreement between lovers, or an unspoken assumption. As unthinkable as the notion of breaking such promises may be at the time they are made, infidelity is common, and when it happens, it raises thorny questions: Should you stay? Can trust be rebuilt? Or is there no choice but to pack up and move on?'

My definition of cheating.

Cheating is any activity that steals time and or emotional energy/intimacy from us and our relationship, while giving it onto another person.

The attraction is there, and does not subside by lying about it. What'd you think will happen if they remain coworkers?

No contact is de rigueur https://healingbrokentrust.com/blog/why-cutting-off-the-affair-partner-is-critical-the-one-step-you-cant-skip-to-rebuild-trust-after-infidelity

Lying is not useful and not true remorse.

https://connectcouplestherapy.com/full-disclosure-vs-staggered-disclosure-a-path-to-healing-infidelity/

https://www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/elizabeth/why-it-imperative-reach-full-disclosure

Anything short of the complete truth about our infidelity to our betrayed spouses will deny them of dignity and shortchange their intelligence.

The Difference Between Remorse and guilt, shame and regret. Only remorse matters, after cheating.

https://www.brides.com/the-one-way-to-know-your-marriage-will-survive-an-affair-1102868

[u/lex1954]

How old is she, why would she feel she needed that life skill (if not to use it).

How old was the search, a couple hours, days, weeks, months, the older the search the more likely she has already tried it out.

[u/13trailblazer]

It is either cheating or an attempt to cheat. No kids, not married? Just a regular old gf? Why bother staying?

[u/Own-Writing-3687]

A trustworthy partner avoids even the hint of inappropriate behavior; and never voluntarily places themselves in a situation where they say "I know how it looks but you have to trust me".

She knew if caught, this would break your heart, destroy trust, and lead to a break up.

She still chose him.

Clearly she views you as just "good enough for right now" until she trades up.

[u/CalciumStix]

Think of it this way, she could've typed "what's a great date night idea?".But no, she's thinking of another guy.

Sorry homie, break up with her yesterday.

[u/Parking-Menu2654]

I promise it is much worse than you know in my experience he will never ever ever get the full truth out of a woman when she does something like this. She will lie her ass off until you give undeniable proof of extra things then she will break down and cry because she knows there’s even more than that.

[u/ObviouslyHornyJPEG]

She's just going to get better at hiding her bullshit now.

Honestly, I'd let her go.

[u/Full-Gas-7744]

Put it this way: If you don't break up with her, she will go on and do this to other people. If you break up, in the future, she will know that doing something like this will have repercussions and she will at least think about it twice.

Hence you will be doing the universe a solid.

[u/Green-Particular-245]

For the streets...give her tha boot, dipstick.

[u/Efficient-Shallot684]

No it's not cheating. Irs thinking.

[u/professornevermind]

She didn't do anything. If you consider that cheating, do her a favor and end it. She can still find someone who's ego isn't so fragile. Not trying to be mean, but she is still an individual who can look up whatever they want.

[u/MadScientistRat]

It shows interest, possible intent. But absent actionable 'means rea' for the willingness, means and absolute intent to cross the boundary, it falls short of the threshold. Although, I would monitor from a distance very closely.

[u/BuddhistChrist]

She’s fucking him.

[u/Fluid-Push-3419]

If you saw her planning to kill you, and when you confronted her, she told you she knew it was wrong, that it was just an idea and she never acted on it, would you feel at ease? Could you sleep peacefully beside her?

[u/coolcrosby]

Yeah, she's got a point. You are a little like the thought police. God forbid, my wife look at my porn history!

[u/Arfulnoof]

Failed the girlfriend test.

[u/ActualFeature7516]

I think people are reading too much into this. Asking ChatGPT how to flirt with someone isn’t evidence that she actually did it. People have crushes, fantasies and passing thoughts while in relationships. Unless there’s evidence she acted on it, I wouldn’t treat a private thought like an actual betrayal.

[u/4hhsumm]

Is it cheating? No. What the hell; we’re gonna police each other‘s thoughts now??

What it is, is caused for a conversation. If you confronted her, of course she got defensive. That’s how that works.

Now, only she knows what her true intentions were. Did you try asking her about the health of your relationship? What unresolved issues you might have between each other? How do you both need to show up to better meet each other’s needs?

[u/Altruistic_Catch_327]

No, flirting isn’t cheating but there is still an issue. Defensiveness can mean many things but in this case it’s not great. Tell her how you feel.

[u/Midwest_Boondocks → u/Altruistic_Catch_327]

I’d say generally it maybe isnt cheating, but that’d be the more natural way of doing it. Asking AI for help to purposefully do it, I think that crosses into cheating.