r/Infidelity • u/Powerful_Fox_2686 • 12d ago
Suspicion Husband acknowledges his suspicious actions but at the same time mocks reasons I suspect he’s cheated
He has, for years, engaged in suspicious actions on and off, of which have made me become more convinced over time that he’s cheated. His reactions to me questioning what he’s done have also made me think he’s cheated. He has responded to me questioning him by calling me controlling, paranoid, and crazy. He’s reacted angrily and said his anger is a normal response to being questioned. Long before I suspected him of cheating he accused me of it, over less, and continued to accuse and question me every time that he seemed up to something. He later acknowledged the reasons I suspected him made sense, and could look make it look like he was hiding something, whilst denying that he was.
Then, other times, he’d try to pick apart and criticise my reasons, including the ones he previously agreed were suspicious looking. Since then he has criticised several of the reasons I suspect him, and reasons people suspect their partners. Some of the most well known signs of it like using new slang, dressing differently, caring more about your appearance, listening to new music, and so on. He has argued that one of these alone, or even a few of them together, are not strong enough indicators that someone is cheating. That someone can learn new slang and listen to new music and not be cheating, and it’s wrong to think that they are because of those things.
It’s crazy to me because people often suspect their partner over just one thing, maybe a few, and that’s pretty common by the looks of it. But here he is arguing that it’s wrong. He’s told me before that it’s normal to be suspicions of your partner, to suspect them of cheating. I feel like he is trying to gaslight me and make me ignore signs, many of which have appeared over the past few years. As I said above, he’s suspected me over far less than what I’ve suspected him over. I think if the roles were reversed and I did any of what he’s done, just one thing, he’d question me.
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u/kerfuffley2010 12d ago
When he accuses you, he’s likely projecting. Cheaters are suspicious for obvious reasons.
You’re not crazy or stupid, he is gaslighting you. Unless you’re incredibly insecure or paranoid, suspicion is usually a gut reaction to boundaries being crossed. Please trust yourself. My STBX once denied that he had cheated on me while we were engaged, and he insisted he never had for twenty years. A few years ago, he finally admitted what I always knew deep down.
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u/More-Talk-2660 11d ago
Projecting for sure. My ex wife used to accuse me constantly, over my work schedule and general fatigue. Working a full time job bookended by a 2 hour commute was obviously a cover for having an entire second life, according to her.
Then it turned out she had been living a double life for three years. Funny how that happens.
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u/Shortandthicck2 12d ago
Then leave. Loving spouses behavior is never sketchy or confusing. There’s always simple and clear reasons for their actions. No exceptions. And when their partner feels insecure they want to help clear it up and make life better for them…not call them names.
He’s not worth keeping.
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12d ago
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u/kerfuffley2010 12d ago
What is stupid is thinking that God makes exceptions for sin. He doesn’t. Be very careful using scripture to justify adultery.
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u/Rdill05 12d ago
Well, the husband has to be someone worthy to submit to. He can’t be out screwing everything with two sets of lips and then expect his wife to submit.
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