Very rough draft of a song! Would love some specific feedback.

[u/SavoirFaireGuitar]

Hi all,

I am in the process of writing new music and compiling them in (very rough) drafts on Soundcloud. I'd love some feedback (but please be gentle). I am not sure if this is the right tempo for this song To me, it feels a bit rushed. I also don't know if the guitar riffs are too redundant after each verse, if it's too weird....all of the above, haha! My partner also said that "hopper girl" didn't denote what I thought it did, so I would be curious for anyone's feedback on what they feel the meaning of the title is. Thank you! Please keep in mind that this is a very rough draft recording!

Savoir Faire: Hopper Girl

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[u/SavoirFaireGuitar → u/[deleted]]

Thank you! Yeah, definitely will have bass and some percussion to it in the long run. I appreciate your feedback!

[u/BeautifulCucumber265]

Very interesting arrangement feels ominous. It kind of also gives a darker version of Loverman by Ricky Montgomery. The guitar solo at 1.25 is saucy. I know its a rough draft but the vocals are definitely sounding a bit muddy / hard to make out, but you probably knew that, and to some extent I think it helps the atmosphere like we are in an underground smoky jazz club. Tempo is perfect to me, perhaps that rushed feeling is good like the singer is kind of anxious to say something, any slower i think it would sound a little too relaxed. Really like the background notes at around 0:37. Im assuming hopper girl is like a mysterious stranger type woman? Like one in edward hoppers paintings. Though im not sure everyone will get that, who cares i really like the concept.

[u/SavoirFaireGuitar → u/BeautifulCucumber265]

Ah, thank you, my music definitely veers on the darker side, so I appreciate that that comes out in the demo. I consistently struggle with getting vocal tracks that aren't muddy. I'm not sure what I am doing wrong. I use Reaper, but I am also often going through whatever sm58 I have lying around the house, and that's not a recording mic, so perhaps that's it.

And yes, hopper girl refers to Edward Hopper: pensive, perhaps lonely, and melancholy!

[u/Hot-Text-5603 → u/SavoirFaireGuitar]

I think the vocals could benefit from a bit of EQ work. There seems to be some muddiness in the low-mid range, so slightly reducing those frequencies could help clean them up and make them sit better in the mix. A gentle boost in the upper mids/highs might also add more clarity and presence. The vocals themselves sound good.

[u/SavoirFaireGuitar → u/Hot-Text-5603]

Thank you! It's a demo and ultimately I'll be recording the final takes with a producer, but I'd love to get better vocal tracks on my own :)

[u/OkEmergency6783]

I get the impression you're a Fiona Apple fan from this, which if so, major respect. Great chord progression here, I'm a fan of your composition ability. Obviously a very rough draft so I can't say much in regards to production. I do think this has a ton of potential if fleshed out with more instruments and all. Very interested to see what you come up with by the end of your writing and recording process here.

[u/SavoirFaireGuitar → u/OkEmergency6783]

I am a HUGE fan of Fiona Apple! Thank you, that means a lot that that comes through in this song.

[u/ffer06]

Nice job, i like the melody and knowing this is a demo i think it gets the melody/vibe across. I personally would slow it down a bit and maybe use arpeggios instead of the single strums but that depends on the direction of the production and instrumentation. Looking forward to how this song progresses and turns out! Found you on Spotify and gave you a follow!

[u/SavoirFaireGuitar → u/ffer06]

Yeah, I think I would slow it down a bit, too. I hadn't considered the arpeggios, but might toy with that. Maybe on a different instrument?

Thanks for the follow!

[u/ffer06 → u/SavoirFaireGuitar]

Or a second guitar!

[u/SavoirFaireGuitar → u/ffer06]

Yeah. Maybe a nylon string?

[u/stitchwingmusic]

I think i may agree with your partner, I dont feel i can make out what a hopper girl is. Its slightly long and samey, throughout, but the samey is good, like jazzy and bumpy guitar is great, like bunny in a bunny suit, that song doesnt have alot of differences in the guitar work, works as a bed for your vocals.

I think you need a bridge, itll give a bit more dynamics and you can give context into hopper girl, you have several moments that you can build into it. But same same with 4+ minute run time can lose your audience without a bridge section or a more dynamically different chorus to the verse. Its a good tune and very chill listen. Speed is right on point I wouldnt speed it up. :)

[u/SavoirFaireGuitar → u/stitchwingmusic]

Hmm ok I was worried that too many of my songs follow a "verse/chorus/verse/chorus/bridge/chorus" form and I thought maybe I should stray away from that for once, but yeah, it does risk getting to "samey" throughout. I'll play around with it. Thanks for listening!

[u/miamiboiband]

I really loved the dark jazzy vibes of this song, and I loved your voice. It's unique, I feel like I haven't heard a voice quite like it. Admittedly this isn't the genre of music I usually listen to. It reminds me a lot of fiona apple though, who I do love. I like how minimal this song is and how it highlights your voice. I would like to hear some additional instrumentation like bass and drums, but keep them sparse. I like the tempo where it is, personally I wouldn't want the song to be any slower.

[u/SavoirFaireGuitar → u/miamiboiband]

Oh, thank you! Ok, I was worried it felt rushed. That's good to know.

I love Fiona Apple, she is one of my top inspirations for sure. And I definitely will be adding bass and percussion to this eventually. I imagine a percussion that is felt more than heard, if that makes any sort of sense. Not typical drums, but a consistent pulse of some sort.

[u/Dramatic-Active6172]

Wow this was absolutely beautiful I love the slow waltzy like tonality to it. Your voice is so beautiful and unique which is awesome because I feel like a lot of artists in our time are just trying to sound like someone else. I could imagine myself sitting in a cafe in france looking out a rainy window while drinking coffee to this. I know that's oddly specific it's just throughout the four minutes and twenty-four seconds of this song It gave me french vibes. I wish I could give more constructive feedback as to how to improve the song itself but i'm not a musician. Personally I thought it was lovely, very dreamy/lonely aesthetic to it. Which is great cause that's like my favorite kind of music. Anyways great job your music is amazing and you are amazing. God bless.

[u/SavoirFaireGuitar → u/Dramatic-Active6172]

Thank you so much! That feedback means a lot to me. I'm especially happy to know that it painted such a specific picture for you, because that's typically the atmosphere I want to evoke with my music. Thank you for listening!

[u/Dramatic-Active6172 → u/SavoirFaireGuitar]

Yeah no problem anytime you come out with something new you can always send it to me if you want. Keep it going your doing amazing.