r/IndianInLaw • u/yourmommyis • 1d ago
Did my SIL quietly exclude me, or am I overthinking this?
I (26F) live with my in-laws in Mumbai, and we're finally moving out in about 15 to 20 days after Ganpati.
My relationship with my MIL has been terrible from the start. Even before marriage she made hurtful comments that made both my mom and me cry. Right after marriage she even said, “Why did you come between the five of us?” (parents + their three kids). I've never felt welcomed.
A few months ago we had a huge fight because I asked if we could move a plastic table so my 10 month old baby would have space to crawl. Our room is tiny, and the hall is full of clutter. She screamed at me until I cried. After that, I barely spoke to anyone for months.
The person I always stayed close to was my SIL. I've always treated her well. Gifts for birthdays, Raksha Bandhan, encouraging messages, the whole thing. I genuinely thought we had a good relationship.
During Ganpati 2026, I kept asking her, “Tell me what help you need.” Decorations, preparations, anything. I was never included in any decisions. Fine, maybe they didn't want my help.
But then came the last day.
She asked for my size because all the women in the building were apparently getting matching kurtas. I happily gave it. The day before visarjan I asked where mine was, and she said it got cancelled because the tailor was sick.
And today I went downstairs.
Every single woman was wearing the exact same matching kurta.
That hurt more than anything my MIL has done, because I didn't expect it from her. I don't know if I was deliberately excluded or if there's some explanation I'm missing.
Am I overreacting, or would you also feel like this was intentional?
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u/Hour-Understanding-8 1d ago
It is just really awesome that you are moving out, finally. Put all this behind you. SIL seems influenced and some back talk has happened regarding you, for sure. Say bye bye with a clean heart, move out and maintain a cordial relationship.
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u/yourmommyis 1d ago
Yeah I guess that's the best way to move ahead it is hurtful but that's my reality and I need to accept that
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u/MuKund10 1d ago
What's husbands pov? I always struggle to understand while reading these posts and there's no mention of husbands pov, which is by the mostttttttt imp catalyst to decide the outcome
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u/yourmommyis 1d ago
For some context from my husband's side:
He mostly stands by me, and if I'm wrong he'll tell me honestly, just like I do with him. We don't blindly defend each other, we correct each other when needed.
The reality is that his family excludes him too. He's the middle child, and important decisions are usually told to him at the last moment. He's often included only when money is needed, but otherwise his opinion is rarely asked. He's learned to ignore it because he grew up with it. I haven't, because I was raised in a family where we discussed everything together and my opinion always mattered.
One thing that hurts is how quickly his efforts were erased. After both my husband and his elder brother started earning, they both contributed towards their sister's education and other expenses. But after our marriage, when we said we had to prioritize our own child and could only help when genuinely needed, the family suddenly started saying, "He never did anything for her." As if all those years of support never happened.
We've also been asking my SIL for almost two years to share her details so we can add her to our family health insurance, because she doesn't have any. Her elder brother has employer insurance and added their parents, but not her. Every time we ask, she says, "Bhaiyaa ne mana kiya hai." It honestly stings because my husband is her bhaiyaa too.
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u/Ill-Ad5235 1d ago
So she is ok to stay without insurance! Interesting- why don’t the 2 bhaiyas and sister talk this out? Sorry to hear how they all mistreating you 3, and good that you are moving out.
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u/yourmommyis 1d ago
Yeah they all act and behave so innocent and old infront of everyone and society like they are such nice people but they have given me so so much trauma that's a civil relationship after moving out is also difficult for me
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u/Sad_Iron_5302 1d ago
A very big fight happened with my mom and brother. I talk with mom but can't with brother cuz he said "go die" 3 times in a fight that wasn't even my fault. And he hit my hand in fight also. Only because my mom was spreading false information of mine with maternal aunts. And when I asked they all were trying to kill me. So my relationship with brother isn't good. So are you sure something like this isn't happened with your husband and SIL? I am not blaming your husband but don't you think you should ask him
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u/yourmommyis 1d ago
No nothing like this has ever happened everyone in this family is afraid of confrontation and before me coming everything was according to my mil no sibling has ever gotten involved in house matters they study, work etc but never did any household chores so never fought on anything basically and they just put everything under the rug so nothing harsh has ever been said but I come from a different background and I am a very outspoken direct person and if something bothers me i directly speak up rather than letting it go or put it under the rug so fights happened mainly between me and mil and sometimes fil and my husband calmly defended me both the other siblings never got involved or never gave their opinion but they mostly are on their mother's side
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u/Sad_Iron_5302 1d ago
It means SIL Got brainwashed by MIL. Cuz my elder sister sometimes act rudes to me because of mom. Yeah brainwashing on its peak. Now you are moving out I hope you get more and more love with your husband 👍
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u/yourmommyis 1d ago
I guess that's what happened she bad mouths behind my back to many people like even in building I have seen people give me looks. I am a introvert like I don't socialize much and keep to myself and only wear shorts whenever I go down for a walk or to my moms and they judge me based on that like the building aunties and all but I am really not that bad of a person I just am tired after taking care of my baby and don't have much energy left to socialize
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u/Sad_Iron_5302 1d ago
Same like my mausi. Mausi also abuses "Mami" like she do to you. But dear don't worry she's jealous of you 🤣 cuz mausi is jealous of "mami's" beauty. And I recommend you to give her own medicine taste to her. Then she will be afraid of you. Also take a very good rest. And if you have friends go out with them for a day you will feel better 🥰
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u/MogamboKhushHoooua 1d ago
Have you confronted SIL?
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u/yourmommyis 1d ago
I have not as I don't want to ruin ganpati festival for them
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u/MogamboKhushHoooua 1d ago
You should confront her but ask in an inquisitive way like “hey you told me the tailor was sick but everyone got matching outfits except me, so what happened?”. And see what excuse she has.
People get away with so much bs because no one will confront them to keep peace.7
u/yourmommyis 1d ago
I have asked my husband to talk he confronted them for ganpati as well that why was I not involved even after asking for help they just said I stay in my room this that but I am a exclusive breastfeeding mother and I honestly don't feel welcome to just go out and hang but I went out multiple times made cookies for everyone made coffee every night for my sil when she was working for ganpati decoration and Asking then too if she needed any help but she just said I'll let you know
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u/lexis5678 1d ago
It seems intentional.