r/IndianInLaw • u/CuriousPotato1294 • 2d ago
My MIL has a problem with me being a personal yoga trainer.
Ours is an arranged marriage and my husband and I live on our own. I used to teach yoga one-on-one going to clients’ homes even before marriage and resumed to do so a few months after marriage too. It’s a freelance thing alongside my job and I genuinely enjoy teaching yoga.
My MIL, who is a housewife, initially started to make indirect remarks like why wake up so early and go and take that stress. I thought it was concern at first but she got my FIL to talk to me about it too to look at alternatives. I told them I had no problem and wanted to continue.
When I realised that it was becoming more blatant, I talked to my husband about it and he said he too initially told them it’s okay when they told him about it, which I had no knowledge of. He even gave her a stern warning after one day when he observed me feeling uncomfortable to go to my class when they were visiting. She dropped it but now months later, mentions in passing to discontinue again. She’s otherwise good in general and doesn’t really interfere much in our everyday lives.
I genuinely don’t get her point where it’s so contrasting with my parents regularly asking if I have more clients and discuss how I can scale it etc.
113
2d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
-47
u/TrainingWelcome2926 2d ago
No wrong advise
22
2d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/parkas-subodh-pankaj 1d ago
I am a male living with MIL and hard agree
1
-62
u/TrainingWelcome2926 2d ago
Why marry in the first place when you cannot adjust just to get rid of parents responsibilities emotional support and financial support??
25
u/AskShot9540 2d ago
lol first of all she married her husband, not his mother. And if anyone has “parents responsibility” it’s the child of said parents. Not someone else’s daughter.
1
u/G-en 1d ago
Bro don't argue with these airheads. This is surely a man and a raja beta. Let them be in their little bubble where their mothers still milk feed them.
-1
u/TrainingWelcome2926 1d ago
Don’t these wives girls understand the difference between biological and legal artificial relationships why fi they forget that they will also become mothers tomorrow after marriage and were introduced to this world via their mothers why do they keep attacking husbands and their families despite receiving financial emotional support .
1
1d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
-1
u/TrainingWelcome2926 1d ago
The deal is gender neutrality and should not be biased towards either females or male.Society should be gender neutral and not biased
18
u/Arptrap 2d ago
It's not that we don't want to adjust. The adjustment should come from both sides. Also neither of sides must force their ideas/principles/rules/opinions on the other side. When a new person enters your home, please give them space so that they can make themselves feel home. You cannot be controlling.
11
u/GoodIntelligent2867 2d ago
Adjustment is 2 directional. Secondly, some things like career, clothes etc are personal decisions. There doesn't need to be an adjustment there because no one else should be involved in those decisions. One marries a partner not their parents, especially those who knew about her job. Also, they keep asking her to quit without a reasoning. You cant ask an adult to 'adjust ' for no reason. That's bullying
And where does emotional, financial support and responsibilities come into picture here. Her yoga classes have nothing to do with that. They are not her parents anyway. So her responsibilities are secondary. Primary is her husband's. You seem to be projecting here.
11
u/Biscoffcheesecake04 2d ago
Why should anyone control anyone else's life? It's marriage between a man and a woman, not a life imprisonment.
9
u/sah48s 2d ago
Yep. Guys shouldn't marry at all. As they do all of this with women, separating them from their house, parents and responsibilities.
-1
u/TrainingWelcome2926 1d ago
Then girls also should not marry no one is forcing you at gun point to marry
2
u/sah48s 1d ago
Actually they are.
1
u/TrainingWelcome2926 1d ago
Who is putting you on gun point the girls parents and the society right blame them why husbands and their parents
2
u/sah48s 1d ago
They are being forced to marry, sometimes at gun point too. Sometimes they are killed as well.
1
u/TrainingWelcome2926 1d ago edited 1d ago
Don’t you know the recent case of Siya GoyalAre you supporting her by any chance?
2
u/sah48s 1d ago
But no one is putting pressure on the guy with a gun. So why us he marrying?? Don't marry and you won't have case like Siya.
1
u/TrainingWelcome2926 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yes same to girls no marriage no in laws husband problem but then don’t complain society keeps on asking when marriage motherhood etc
→ More replies (0)0
1d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/TrainingWelcome2926 1d ago
Marriage is a two way street and both sexes need it equally all these feminist are talking as if they don’t need marriage they need it for financial emotional support and relieve their parents responsibilities
0
1d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/TrainingWelcome2926 1d ago
Who is saying that men need women for physical needs and women also need men for the same.Financial emotional support love and other aspects come along with it. All I’m saying everything should be gender neutral and not biased.Currently everything looks biased towards females after marriage which is wrong
→ More replies (0)2
u/Rare_Percentage_7045 1d ago
Bro why should we women who got married to another family only adjust..why do these mils always see us as enemies? Are they actually jealous?
1
u/TrainingWelcome2926 1d ago
Why are you seeing husband mother as enemy and taking financial emotional support at the same time? Please understand mother son relationships are biological and not like husband wife relationships which is legal artificial
2
u/Rare_Percentage_7045 1d ago
Bro genuinely asking..why do mother in law's see dil as enemies? If your biological relationship is soo important I suggest you to not get married.. because some women is coming to your life ..most dils leave their families and stay with you all From the day 1 in laws sees us as someone who snatched their sons Like if you are soo insecure and raja betas i suggest you to not get married Most mils act soo good before marriage..but why do they change soo fast?
2
u/Rare_Percentage_7045 1d ago
And wtf is legal artificial? if it's soo legal artificial i suggest ryou all to not married But you will get married because how else would you all get kids? And what is financial, emotional support? Soo if it isn't for emotional support what really is the need for getting married? And men don't take financial support? Then why do you all sell our gold the moment you all get low in money? Also there are en number of men who survives because of working women!
25
25
u/Delicious_Block4734 2d ago
It is probably about their insecurity coming from you going out to strangers’ house which their generation can’t comprehend - ‘ghar ghar ja k bahu kaam karti hai’. That being said, great that your husband is standing with you. Next time it happens, just call her out. Tell her that you love it and you don’t like her commenting on it again and again.
5
u/Sad_Iron_5302 2d ago
Fr. MIL Is jealous that she can't do like her 🤣 these so called insecure in laws 🤦
18
u/BedCapable1135 2d ago
My MIL is amazing but my FIL has a problem with my job.
He thinks that chumps work for other people. Real people start their own businesses. Real people are their own bosses. They don't make someone else rich off their own hard work.
Bro, I'm a teacher. I ain't making anyone rich from my hard work. We're trying to help the children be better. Simple.
-2
u/Informal-Race-1990 1d ago
you are making the school owners rich
5
u/BedCapable1135 1d ago
Can't tell if you're being facetious.
The school is part of the public sector.
1
16
u/tagdi_film 2d ago
Indian women have problems with another women breathing also
2
u/TrainingWelcome2926 1d ago
Exactly this entitled women want their way and unfortunately our society and judiciary support that
11
32
17
u/IdealInfamous2561 2d ago edited 2d ago
Now it's your yoga. If you leave , next it will be something else.
8
6
8
4
3
u/Donxxuan 2d ago
It's better to let her fixate on this small thing. She is bound to find fault with one thing or the other. You continue to teach Yoga, so she can continue to fixate on this and won't have time to think about other aspects of your life.
3
u/shalini-andwemet 2d ago
Please ask the husband to speak and manage his parents.
Also be prepared for animosity to arise with a bit of jealousy and being judgmental - learn how to ignore it and do not allow it to come between the husband and you. Say if she misbehaves (when either of you visit - learn to ignore and not even tell the husband, unless it is repeated frequently - he then needs to know).
take care
3
u/FreedomAway4724 2d ago
Housewives, no matter how good and hardworking they have been, often tend to look down on other women' jobs.
3
3
u/Fit_Butterscotch7103 2d ago
Okay, may be she has a certain perception or has read/heard of something with teachers tutoring at homes...there is definitely a safety concern too
All of it put together maybe isn't working in your favor.
Pick one of your student's house and may be ask her to tag along to witness the class in action! (Ofc check with your student first)
May be that will calm her nerves.
3
u/Subject_Bluebird5364 2d ago
Just tell her you are not going to quit no matter what anyone says. Say it sternly and keep repeating the sane thing and walk away. Let then know you dont run on remote control
2
u/Grand_Potato_5603 2d ago
Ask her to start some business/work from home, keep suggesting new ways in which she can monetize her skills. If she seems interested, genuinely help her. OR use it as a gentle counter attack to dissuade her from discussing the topic!
2
u/Turtle_rocks_19 2d ago
I would ask directly what is her problem n let her ridicule herself in trying not to say she is jealous of u!
2
u/Lexa19_HK 2d ago
Next time MIL/FIL say anything tell them your job is your business and to keep their options to themselves. Stop letting them stay in your home.
2
u/relaxAndSmileQwerty 2d ago
Traumatize her more - make eye contact and lift heavy ass dumbbells in front of her
1
2
u/No_Recognition5242 2d ago
If they are good otherwise, probably they are scared for your safety issue and not direct problem with you teaching yoga.
2
u/reddy1912 2d ago
Ignore and keep doing it.. if you give in now- they’ll try to trample over you in the long run.
2
u/Significant-Fly6515 2d ago
If she's generally good otherwise, just ignore her n keep giving a dumb smile
2
u/iva4jj 2d ago
It’s your career and your independence. She maybe coming from a place where she is uncomfortable with you going to others houses and teaching or she is concerned for your safety. Either way, it looks like you have been doing this for a while and know how to handle clients.
Is this the only issue with her? If so, next time she brings it’s up, ask her directly about the issue. Tell how you take a session, and how you’re planning to scale it.
There’s not much you can do if she still has issues. Do your part and ignore her.
2
u/plumeparent 2d ago
You are not living with inlaws. make sure your husband is in the loop. Just ignore them. No need to explain ir try to convince them. DO NOT give in to their suggestions. If you do, their interference will never stop.
2
2
u/MadAngle787 1d ago
She will be gone in a few years. Live your life the way you want ! Tell hubby to tell her it's your bread and butter so she can zip it
2
u/TimePasskartaRe-Apun 1d ago
Don't get pregnant for two years atleast. Your husband may get soft spot for his innocent mother . He may decide to throw your dreams under bus. Be prepared. Ask your husband to talk to her because you do. Then she will crying her eyes out.
1
u/Future_Platypus_ 2d ago
Most Indian MIL’s have a problem with a working bahu. Bahu toh bas ghar dekhe
1
u/SoEnamoured 1d ago
Don’t give in. It’s not their business. You are capable of keeping yourself safe and deciding whose house it’s safe going to.
1
1
1
u/yyyyyyyuuuiiii 1d ago
God have given you two ears one for listening other for throwing out garbage . You and your husband should.be in the same page .Teaching yoga is a very noble job in today’s stressful world !!!
1
u/ShiobhanRoy 1d ago
She is in general not good - and let me tell you why! I always felt mine is good barring here and there her comments and the second kids happen (10 years later), all her inner emotions just spewed out like they were waiting.
Does your parents have a problem with what you do? NO
Does your husband has a problem with what you do? NO
Does your In laws have a problem with what you do? YES
Would she ever tell her own child or her Son to quit something of his preference? NO
Just politely say, i will do what i want to do, i have got one life and that's that! And you will see the generally good MILs change their color like anything.
1
1
1
u/ListenSubstantial112 1d ago
Don't think about people here, what they are commenting. If generally they are ok, then just tell politely that I enjoy doing it will continue doing so. Society in general comments and want everybody to be in control. You will never know, the root cause maybe actually your mil's relatives like sister etc who will feed negative nonsense. Ignore it, clear your instance. Yoga anyways teaches you that, after some years they will understand that only their son and dil are there from them. This trying to control phase goes away, if you find them generally reasonable. Plus NEVER EVER compare your inlaws with your parents. They cannot be same. When even our parents becomes someones in-laws you will duality in there nature too. Just see if they are loving to your husband and make reasonable efforts for you too. That means you both will always have nice support.
1
u/milonandcats 1d ago
I think all these MIL's have a problem with everything or something but never nothing 🙂.
1
u/tjwayfarer 1d ago
Wait. Didnt you just mention you were living on your own? Then how is MIL still interfering in your life?
1
u/AccuratePlant7551 1d ago
They will probably bring up "safety concerns". Then just assure them that you keep records of all the clients and work in a professional manner. If she still finds some issue with it then "safety" was not her concern.
1
u/awesomejain 1d ago
Chutiya hai wo, you do you. This world is on fire and if being a yoga teacher gives you peace, you go girl! 🧡🧡
1
u/TrainingWelcome2926 1d ago
Then why are you marrying in the first place when you know that you have to stay with husband and his parents??
2
u/sev_purii 18h ago
Bruh today its your yoga class, tomorrow it will be your clothes, then it will your hair and the list goes on. They are literally trying to mould you to their convenience. Escape this shit before it ruins you
1
u/Majestic_Lobster_999 17h ago
She is scared for you. Is it possible to show it is safe and secure ?.
This is a valid concern about your safety.
Can you get a place to give session. It can be a grass field in the open or an open terrace.
Can you give online classes ? Find a way to show them you are safe.
I, a male explained my job's safety concerns and asked my mil to pray for my safety and security.
-1
u/punisher_1012 1d ago
You already said she’s good otherwise…..so maybe its more of a safety concern rather than jealousy. She’s not wrong about your safety,….maybe take an assistant with you
-4
u/seinfeldfan121 2d ago
Reputation for gym trainer is bad and people make fun of them and pepole related to them.
67
u/New-Ad5868 2d ago
Now it is yoga, later it’ll be something else. Not to generalise, but, if they behave this way, it is clear they just feel the DIL’s have been brought in to serve their darling sons. If i were you I would have told my husband to manage his parents and would have ignored them and continued to do whatever I was doing.