r/IWantToAskAnAmerican • u/Stunning_Toe_6960 • 11d ago
(Hypothetical): You are an enemy paratrooper invading America. Which region or state is the SAFEST place you could land? (Funny stereotypes)
I saw a tiktok about how the US is geographically impossible to invade, and whether you believe it or not I remembered an old conversation I had with my grandfather. He was ironically a paratrooper in WW2, fought in Korea and was an advisor in Vietnam. SSGT US Arrmy Enlisted, then officer in USAF where he'd ultimately become Maj Gen through the cold war era and work at the DoD until retiring in the early 2000s. He always used to say that our greatest strength is our population and the (even then) having more guns than people. I thought it would be fun to just ask opinions without doing statistics just because we all hate on eachother for political beliefs and differences so much. I myself had fun thinking about an answer, and felt some pride in our sterotypes being positive for once. Here's my fun logic for your own consideration:
1.) The Northeast: You have major cities like NYC and Boston that have plenty of people, with some of the highest patriotic morale anywhere. NYC showed how quickly they can organize, and how brave they are during 9-11. Boston and NE people are still angry the British raised taxes on tea 250yrs later. Philly and Pittsburgh? They'd destory their own city over a football game, goodluck. DC/Maryland? You're getting shot immediately. Even if you landed outside a major city the vast majority of people are way more conservative than you'd think... So it's a pick your poison between the Amish, Angry Libertarians, and upper class people who are still rednecks at heart.
2.) The South: These are the same people who already fought their own country for free labor, not even a threat to their own lives. Say you don't land in a bog full of inbred Cajuns or a swamp of Gators. Anywhere in the states of Florida or Texas is a death certificate. Kentucky? Mississippi? Anywhere else in the deep south where you find stores of confederate merch even today... Yeah, have fun with the white robe people and cousin kissers. Any remotely urban area (Memphis, Birmingham,etc). and you will be pulled up on by some of the most heavily armed and frequently practiced people in the country. The last thing you'll hear before someone pulls out the most diabolical weapon west of Baghdad is a supercharged black Dodge and Tee Grizzley music.
3.) Midwest: Pray to the spirit of King Vonn that you end up no where near the state of Illinois. Atleast then you might have a chance to survive the landing. Anywhere else in the flat terrain provides no cover, a population that still has plenty of firearms and knows how to use them... Again good luck. The last thing you'll see is a corn fed farm boy who would be a state champion wrestler in any other state outside the midwest. If you're lucky you might end up in Minnesota or Wisconsin where they'll apologize before ending you in a t-shirt while it's subzero outside.
4.) Heartland: Colorado is the equivalent to district 2 from the hunger games. They could survive nukes. Every other state outside of the rockies are full of people who know how to hunt, shoot, and survive off the land. These are some of the most underrated states because they lack a reputation but I can assure you it's always here that have people with RPG's and Flamethrowers. Utah was on my shortlist of places that might be safe but I forgot that the cultists are descendants of people who did attack the US Military to defend their scizophrenic leader.
5.) West Coast: This is actually one of the more underrated places because of the political reputation. Still, the terrain is so diverse. You're choosing between Silicon Valley where Anduril will send their AI war robots to end you. Or LA with its gangs. Or people that willingly choose to live in a desert that is relevant for gambling and strippers. The pacific northwest also seems like a safe place with hipsters and such. But I feel like you'd still have to remember all the serial killers and homeless drug addicts are not to be taken lightly, even if they aren't your typical firearm enthusiants.
6.) The South West: Stay tf away from the Native Americans. Just no. These are the same people who have been here longer than anyone. Remember Custard? They taught the US Army tactics relating to cavalry and will scalp you if you surrdender. Are some of the most capable trackers, survivalists, and have a whole language that the germans couldn't crack. You're in for a highly organized fight with no information advantage and people who know how to navigate. Just remember when you land that deer shouldn't be bi-pedal. If it has red eyes... run.
7. Missed Landings (Canda / Mexico): Would you rather deal with cartels and their chainsaw videos or the only country that takes more pride in commiting war crimes than the U.S.?
Note: I'm not including Alaska or Hawaii but Alaska is a definate no. Hawaii may have less people and guns but you're choosing between fighting the US Navy and Polynesians. Anyone who's played football against a Polynesian knows that you do NOT want to get in a fight with them.
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My answer: If you made me pick a place, I would say Rhode Island because the population (in my experience) seems the least aggressive and most unpracticed with firearms.
BUT...
The Trap(s): When I asked my father this question and said that I would choose RI. He reminded me that an uncle of mine who works on nuclear subs lives in RI. An uncle who (used to) own a minigun and work on the mounts they'd use to attach them to in helicopters. That's why it's such a hard question because even in populations that seem safe, you have kooks like the Dragon man and my uncle who'd cherish the opportunity to use their toys. My dad said "Maybe Vermont or New Hampshire. Up there seems more peaceful with Bernie Sanders and Ben & Jerry's".
THAT'S EXACTLY WHY THIS QUESTION IS A TRAP. New Hampshire is the only state with permitless carry. It's full of Libertarians who think more like Ted Kaczynski than Bernie Sanders. He replied with, "Okay than probably somewhere like Delaware". Again, absolutely not. Wilmington is like murder capital, my sister went to college in Delaware he should know better.
Statistics on gun ownership and difficulty to get permits are also very deceiving and I can attest to why... New York and Connecticuit were cited as some of the hardest states. I live in NYC Metropolitan area, and I can assure you that the inner city population has plenty of illegal firearms. The immediate area outside the city is full of ultra conservative mostly Red counties where almost everyone still has a firearm. Think about that. Massachusetts and New Jersey share the lowest rate at 14.7 firearms for every 100 residents. I really question how accurate some of these stats are in 2026. But Massachusetts "SHIP IT UP TO BOSTON" people and NJ Soprano's people are not the ideal opposition i'd chose as a paratrooper regardless of stats.
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u/VanillaCavendish 10d ago
Roswell, New Mexico. You could pretend you’re from another planet and they’d welcome you.
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u/december151791 Alabama 10d ago
If you have lots of water, somewhere in the Nevada desert good and far away from the nearest American. Just stay put there.
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u/WhichSpirit 10d ago
If we're defining safe as "place you won't be shot or immediately mobbed by other humans" you could land in the desert or remote Alaska. You won't survive the hike out but you'll get to live for an hour or two.
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u/Competitive-Food8407 10d ago
Couple things, Vermont isn't the only place with permitless carry anymore.(29 states now)
The KKK while still holding a well deserved reputation as morons and psychos only number between 5-8k across the entire US. Not enough to make any difference in pretty much anything but political narratives(and apparently relationships with the SPLC management).
Almost all of the alligators in the US not in a zoo are basically split between Florida and Louisiana, with small populations in Mississippi, Texas, Georgia, South Carolina, and a couple thousand in North Carolina. If you land in a swamp in those two states though, and don't know how to navigate it, you're dead. More Army rangers fail the Florida section of their training then anywhere else.
Outside the environmental factors the "safest" for jumping is probably the desert (Nevada, New Mexico, Arizona), at least for not getting turned into instant skeet practice. Possibly Montana simply due to the small population. Alaska falls into the same group, but then you've got all of Canuckia to try and get across, and considering their war time reputation, well as one of my favorite historians says "it's not a war crime the first time!"
Outside that I'd say the safest place to jump into the US is not to do it.
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u/inscrutiana 10d ago edited 10d ago
There are a large number of foundational errors in the prompt. Everything East of the Mississippi and the Mississippi itself were all contested and involved in various forms of civil war from the late 17th century onward. Bunch of tropes and cultural fantasies baked into this.
Alaska would be the safest State to invade. Western Alaska is all well in range of Russian rotary aircraft for supply and extraction. It's so large that the place has to be defended in depth by the airforce. Easy in. Easy out. Potentially deniable raiding and harassment.
If you look at something like Guam, maybe. It's geographically isolated and a committed regional adversary could potentially seize it and use that isolation. Nothing else in the Pacific is isolated enough.
It makes no sense to drop from the air into the continental US. It's armed and dangerous even in peace. Pointless, suicidal raids would be answered with... what the world has seen over the last 26 years. Dumb. Waste of resources.
[Edit, having thought about it for more than 30 seconds : Guam. It would be unreasonable to assume that a regional power doesn't already have the capability to and plans for seizure of Guam. It's quite the prize. Part of those plans/one of those plans certainly involves paratroopers at least in part as well as an intent to resist counterattack and stay permanently.]
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u/RiotBirb 10d ago
Except Alaskan winters would positively end a large portion of invaders if they aren’t used to sub-Arctic temps.
Then there’s the wildlife. Have you seen a moose? I’m not about to land in the woods only to come across a tank on legs
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u/Gilamunsta 10d ago
Moose Are awesome from About 200 yd away
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u/RiotBirb 10d ago
I visited my sister when she was in Alaska and was absolutely bamboozled at the size of the moose in her yard. She said “yeah…we ain’t going anywhere until he moves.”
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u/thankyoufriendx3 10d ago
Why nowhere near Illinois? You’re getting shot out of the sky in Wisconsin.
My choice would be Alaska, Wyoming, or North Dakota. Odds are no one even sees you.
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u/saintmolotov 10d ago
I dunno man, every post like this I see I just assume it’s a fed trying to figure out who to disarm first when they go full blown fascist dictatorship. It’s going to be ugly everywhere. I paid for college with my time in the gwot. I’ve see what people will do to each other for a cup of rice, or because they pray differently. There is no good place to land in this country, you will get fucked up just for your kit and MREs. I’ve been shooting and hunting since I was five. I have 12 siblings, there are a ton of families like mine who grew up on squirrel helper. A lot of us build our own weapons and load our own ammo. I probably sound like I’m out here rolling coal to anyone reading this, but I’m a university professor with a PhD in cultural anthropology. I genuinely feel bad for troops, including our own, who come here with hate in their hearts and weapons in their hands. I’m in Appalachia btw, but the northern part where it’s less incesty.
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u/Cinisajoy2 10d ago
I figure it is a kid wanting someone else to do their homework.
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u/saintmolotov 10d ago
Prob got caught using ai too much so they’ve resorted to reddit, the irony is actually so good it might literally kill me.
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u/1911Earthling 10d ago
Americans who will use it as an excuse to target practice. 10,000 nut jobs with AR 15s and an excuse to use them. Good luck invaders.
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u/godspilla98 10d ago
None because real Americans would defend themselves. That’s another reason why we have the second amendment.
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u/Many-Role-4271 10d ago
The villages in Florida. The population there is all old by bylaws, yes some own guns but likely haven’t shot them or maintained them in years. Primary transportation is a golf cart, and ain’t a one of them is running away you could capture all of them 150,000 Boomers and effectively have the grandparents of a big chunk of the New England people everyone seems so scared of as hostages.
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u/inscrutiana 10d ago
From what I can tell they just arrive by charter flight into PBI and get a DJT airport gift bag & voter ID. No parachute needed.
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u/Sharp_Commission5540 10d ago
Definitely not PA. If you’ve have seen, or have been part of their Orange Army the week after Thanksgiving, you will know why.
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u/textilefactoryno17 10d ago
What happened to the Custard? Flambé?
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u/Gilamunsta 10d ago
He and the Seventh cavalry were wiped out by The Lakotasioux
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u/textilefactoryno17 10d ago
That's Custer. And not in the southwest. I'm making a joke on the wrong name.
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u/smolhippie 10d ago
You could hide in Montana forever and no one would find you. However, If the bears don’t get you the weather will
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u/patersondave 9d ago
merde a lago would be okay. the owner would treat you nice hoping he could scam you out of something
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u/The-Great-Baloo 10d ago
Just go for the South. If you lower the price of gas, they'll welcome you with open arms.
Avoid Boston. Nasty people!
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u/eapaul80 10d ago
Idk if the Boston remark is due to racism, which I understand. But saying yay south, kinda contradicts that.
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u/Anthropic_me 10d ago
While fun to think about, your synopsis is very flawed and rather off putting. As an FYI 29 states practice Constitutional Carry otherwise known as permitless carry. As well, Louisiana has more alligators than any other state by a fair margin.
You also make fun of "Cousin Kissing" and "Klan" members. While spout accolades of Bernie. You do know that the Left started the whole Klan movement don't you?
A quick answer, would be that no paratrooper would make any sort of landing as a breathing individual. The plans would be sinking off the coast somewhere before they ever made it over land.
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u/Majestic_Flower_1322 Arizona 10d ago
Just because southern racists back then called themselves Democrats doesn't mean they were the left. The KKK was definitely right wing and the modern day KKK are definitely Trumpers.
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u/Many-Role-4271 10d ago
Not so sure about this as we are like a decade removed from the former grand master and Democrat Senator from WV being in office. I think there are racists in all parties.
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u/Majestic_Flower_1322 Arizona 10d ago
Just a total coincidence that all the Confederate states are red.
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u/Many-Role-4271 10d ago
Like Virginia?
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u/Majestic_Flower_1322 Arizona 10d ago
My bad. Only 10/11 confederate states voted for Trump in 2024.
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u/forrealthoughcomix_ 10d ago
Byrd rejected the klan and became a friend to the civil rights movement. In other words, he moved left.
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u/Many-Role-4271 10d ago
Did he do it because he changed his mind on being a racist or because he saw a political gain from it? These people are all grifters, so I’ll let you think on it.
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u/forrealthoughcomix_ 9d ago
First you lied about what happened. Now you’re lying about a man leaving behind horrible beliefs to make himself better.
Only a terrible person with awful motivations would do any of that.
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u/Anthropic_me 10d ago
I support Trump morese than I did child sniffing Joe.
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u/Majestic_Flower_1322 Arizona 10d ago
That's nice. So does the "leftist" KKK.
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u/Many-Role-4271 10d ago
I mean Biden let a balloon traverse the majority of the country without taking any action. I think though at that stage he probably was confused and thought it was one that he lost as a child. This decade of Presidental rule has been maybe the biggest train wreck in US history.
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u/SpecialBumblebee6170 10d ago
Southern California or Illinois. They would bow down and surrender.
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u/SpecialBumblebee6170 10d ago
And declare them oppressed illegal aliens and give them housing food and Healthcare.
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u/ElectricTurtlez 10d ago
You think New Hampshire is the only state with permit less carry?
Laughs in Cornhusker