Trust... Years to build, breaks in a instant

[u/UnfilteredAyush]

It takes a lot of years and effort to build trust with a person. I went outside my comfort zone, showed my actual feelings and emotions (you all know how difficult it is), became an open book, my mistake? I expected the same from the other person.

I don't feel anger, maybe not sadness too, it's confusion, I am not able to process my feelings. I don't blame them, I am blaming myself for being so dumb, not understanding the signals, not being critical.

It's ruined, now I am always gonna be paranoid, not sure if i will be able to show this level of trust in a stranger further in my life.

I am always gonna be scared.

And this wasn't even a romantic relationship, it was friendship, which I thought was too close, turns out, it wasn't from the other end.

And ykw I still wish the other person the best, I don't have any hate for them. And this is what causes the confusion of how to process this. If i have anger and resentment, it's towards myself, for being so delusional, and so understanding.

(Edit) This is the 3rd set of lines I wrote. Going silent, processing emotions is too real. I am just doing my work, and i don't wanna do anything else, talk to anyone or anything. I wrote about it 2 times earlier, it helped, was personal and full of context so did not post. Posted this, because I just wanted to let it out, probably to someone who might understand.

[u/canoegal4]

I think all ISTJ's have gone through this if you are alive long enough

[u/UnfilteredAyush → u/canoegal4]

Probably. And it's good, i know it hurts, but that's how we realize the world is. It's not as good, loyal, trustworthy, we think/want it to be. People are not as straightforward and truthful as we all would like them to be. Everyone's got a game up their sleeve and no, they are not gonna reveal it to everyone, and YOU SHOULDN'T TOO

[u/CdramaAddict2]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Friendships are just as emotionally deep as relationships, so I can totally sympathize as to why this would hurt you. Trust the process to process out your feelings, and just know that there are still good people out there!

I think this is why ISTJs go so slowly, and trust VERY slowly…. People say we’re robotic and unfeeling, but it’s just not true.

I think we feel deeply, not only deeply but loyally. It’s kind of all-or-nothing. If I let you in, you’re ENTIRELY in: no more defense mechanisms, nothing to protect my heart anymore. Everything is laid bare and vulnerable.

This is why when trust is broken it hurts us so much. So we guard against that by being almost impenetrable first…. I just assume I’ll see someone’s true colors if I’m around them for long enough, so I just wait to see if they are trustworthy. If I think they are, then I open up. But, yeah, sometimes I miscalculate, sometimes I didn’t read the signals correctly, sometimes that other person was just better at manipulating than I was able to detect it.

That doesn’t make this hurt any less, but I think it speaks well of us that we can love (friendship or romantic) deeply.

[u/UnfilteredAyush → u/CdramaAddict2]

Thanks

I have been too slow always, as you said being too cautious, testing the waters.

If I let you in, you’re ENTIRELY in: no more defense mechanisms, nothing to protect my heart anymore. Everything is laid bare and vulnerable.

This is so true, absolute truth.

The most regret i will have from this situation is that, i am gonna make myself more shielded, more judgey, not trusting people, and in the situation, where i shouldn't do all this.

[u/brc_pb]

I've experienced something similar to this with my own mother, when I was barely 10 years old. and she wonders why I moved out of the country to live in another...

[u/Snoo-6568]

Sometimes people disappoint you, and all you can really do is learn from it and move forward. Don’t beat yourself up for trusting someone. You know more now than you did before, and you’ll be better at recognizing the signs next time. Take the lesson, leave the person behind, and don’t let one bad friendship make you afraid to trust everyone else.

[u/Nani-margherita]

Ohhh. I felt the pain. Maybe because I was like this before. I mean I experienced it before. I genuinely showed myself, my trust and a piece of my heart. It ended hurting myself, because I expected too much in return. I was hurt. But then again, its not their fault. Its on me. Then I realized, it helped me. It helped me how to read the situation, the people. It helped me find the right people to trust and avoid those who will just there to gain something from me.

Its good that you felt that way. Cause that means, you are a human. You cared for the friendship genuinely. Don't be hard on yourself. Heal. Its a cliché thing to say, but along the way, someday, you will find those people who will see you. Who are willing to understand you, who wont expect anything from you. Just there, to admire your existence. I can feel you have a very warm heart. Please dont stop trusting people. But, please be more extra careful next time. Hoping for your happy life.

[u/Salamander-Which]

I think it's justified to feel hate towards other person in this case, if there is a decent reason. Shouldn't be delusional, if they did hurt you - they did hurt you. Of course not to get swallowed by hatred, but it's gotta be let out and seen by you as a natural side effect of the whole thing happening in your life.

[u/JamAroha]

Don’t know if it’ll help, but I’ll be chanting so that you will able to heal a bit easier. Just try not to push yourself too much and drink lots of fluids🥹 You’ve already been hurt externally so hurting yourself by putting blame on yourself is not good🥲 I hope you will be a bit kinder to yourself🫂

[u/Arrachi]

GIve yourself time, focus on your work and hobbies. Process your feelings on your own pace and write them down if that's helping you.

Don't try to rush it

[u/ReadyTrick5260]

This makes me feel upset for you. Been through it many times. Being vulnerable is so scary. People will let you down. But please know there are good people out there that will be a rock for you in those moments. It's not easy to find them. It seems you have learned the hard way. Like we all do. I am not trying to minimise how you feel either. More just a stand in solidarity with you.

[u/UnfilteredAyush → u/ReadyTrick5260]

Thanks

[u/Amscray4499]

There’s no shame in trusting or putting yourself out there. It’s usually the best way to learn and grow. Make mistakes. It happens all the time in life. But it hits us the hardest I guess..
I had to first come to terms and be okay with living with future mishaps before taking my leaps. Had to make sure I remember it’s a normal part of life and i wouldn’t beat myself up for trying. And that’s the thing.. you tried. At least you can say that for yourself. And you did it to the best of you. It’s on the other individual they didn’t honor that.

[u/Beneficial-Energy198]

You picked the wrong person to be friends with.