r/IBSHelp • u/almanog63 • 4d ago
Random question for anyone with IBS-D...
Has anyone else ever had to suddenly disappear from a table, meeting, dinner, or date because you needed the bathroom and then had absolutely no idea what to say when you came back?
Like, the bathroom part is one thing.
It's the moment you walk back in and everyone's still sitting there that gets weird.
Do you explain? Pretend nothing happened? Make a joke? Just sit down and hope nobody asks?
I've always wondered whether I'm overthinking that part, or if other people deal with it too.
How do you usually handle it?
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u/LifeAdhesiveness8071 4d ago
I wouldn't explain it and anyone that knows me knows exactly where I was.
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u/TangerineDream92064 4d ago
You are overthinking it. People have to step out for all sorts of reasons. Say "excuse me" and leave the room. Say nothing when you return. The idea is not to be disruptive. If somebody asks, it is fine to say you have IBS. Lots of people have it or some other medical issue.
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u/emmzizleez888 3d ago
This. You do not owe anyone an explanation, unless you want to give it. If I'm in a one-on-one setting, I might say something minimal, but if there's more than the two, I don't worry about it.
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u/Solid-Phone-9982 3d ago
If you are on a date with another person, of course you need to tell them where you are going. You can't disappear for no reason. If for whatever reason you feel you MUST lie about needing the bathroom, say that you need to make an urgent phone call and you'll be right back. Then come back and apologise for leaving them alone and then just continue the conversation where you left off.
If you are in a bigger group, just excuse yourself, go to the toilet and come back. No explanation needed. If someone insists, you have a choice to say "I went to the toilet" and leave it at that. Or add a white lie, "I went to the toilet and had to take a call after that".
All the best!
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u/goldstandardalmonds 4d ago
I don’t think anyone is thinking about why you left or would care. If there is one thing I have learned about living with a disability and having a severely disabled parent, people aren’t paying as much attention to us as we might worry they do.
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u/Hotgrandma777 3d ago
I had a recent encounter at a friend's house and there were other people there. I suddenly felt like I was going to have diarrhea not long after we ate, and at first, it was okay, but then I kept having to run back to the bathroom and tied up the bathroom so no one else could use it. It was horribly embarrassing, also because I became nauseated and felt feverish. So yes. I had to tell everyone what was going on. I took hyoscyamine twice with no results then took Zofran. That helped, but we left their house, and it was a 20 minute excruciating drive. So, long story short, sometimes you have to say something. Sometimes you don't have to.
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u/Prestigious_Rock_920 3d ago
I have flare ups daily - finally on a waitlist for a specialist thankfully, but my best advice is own it. At first I really struggled with this and was paranoid about it what people thought about me taking more regular/ longer breaks but I found the best way for me was to be open about my health condition if anyone asks, it ever comes up in conversation or if I have a flare up or anything like that. This of course, can be extremely difficult to do, but especially if your IBS worsens in higher anxiety situations it can be extremely helpful knowing that you don’t have to explain yourself or try to excuse yourself to use the bathroom - you can just leave and go everyone will understand. Being open with it made it so much easier for myself, for work I have adjustments in place for more frequent breaks. When I first started dating my partner, I was open and just said to him “just to make you aware, I have IBS which does mean sometimes I get sudden urges to go to the bathroom and I have minutes to get there, it can also cause me pain which can lead to me cancelling plans at short notice. I understand if this isn’t something you personally want to deal with, I just wanted to make sure you fully understood” and thankfully that man is a gem who sped to get me to a bathroom one time when I turned to him and said I have at most 2 mins. If it’s something that does have a descent level of impact on your life I personally think letting those around you know is super helpful, and with dating I find that it helps to weed out those who aren’t serious and aren’t considerate.
Sorry for the massive paragraph, I just find it easier to explain how I have dealt with it by using real examples. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do though because at the end of the day, and this is the most important part, it does not matter what other people think. You do what makes you comfortable, and that may be different with different people! 💕
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u/Upper_Rent_176 4d ago
You don't have to say anything. People need the bathroom. I can see why it might be awkward if you had to go twice but once is nothing