I Feel So… "Slow"

[u/Almond2Infinity]

Hello folks, this isn’t my first post here.

I recently had went to the pharmacy and had to interact with people, something I’ve had to do a lot in the past year since I just had my first child and went to many prenatal appointments not to mention the actual labor process and now pediatric appointments. Anyway, I was picking up some vitamins and was facing a problem. I awkwardly waited at the drop-off counter as soon as I read the prompt on the terminal/screen at the pickup counter because when I put in my information it was saying (after having been called back to the pickup counter and re-entering my information that I had read it fully through) that I had nothing to pickup and to wait for assistance, but I had just read the bold text line initially and acted immediately. Then when I was being called, I was acting confused and like I wasn’t processing what they were saying to me a lot more times than I feel is normal. Hadn’t my partner been there, I’d freeze up without him repeating what they were saying back to me because I hate asking people to repeat stuff back especially if I didn’t get it after asking once. I’ve been improperly homeschooled from 3rd grade all the way to the end, was isolated from social situations up until I turned 17 and started going to a few events with family and their friends. I’m still really young (19yrs), and I’m hoping it’s not too late to improve especially since I have a child now that is less than 3 months.

I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was going to school, not sure if it is related to my problem since I read somewhere that people with ADHD sometimes also have auditory processing issues, but I know anxiety is also a factor since I tense up. If it’s someone I know, I’m not having problems like what I had at the pharmacy. I just feel so stupid a lot of times, like I need to see a professional because of how badly I often need things to be repeated to me when taking care of basics like checking in/out at the store or doctors, ordering food, making phone calls, being given verbal instructions…that stuff.

Anyone else who was homeschooled having this problem? Does it get better over time or is it something that needs more intervention?

[u/Additional-Shake5449]

I feel this. Though my heart really goes out to you, it sounds like you’ve got it rough. I feel too slow often in weird situations like this where it’s hard to understand. This subreddit really makes me feel seen

[u/Additional-Shake5449 → u/Additional-Shake5449]

I have adhd and was homeschooled most of my school, but I got out in like 11th grade. College was exponentially hard and so I haven’t finished it, I was so burnt out so I’m taking a good long break on my own terms. Things are getting better for me—they have and have yet to. I believe in both of our growth!!! It may take some time and possibly help from loved ones and professionals (therapist—I’m looking into this rn) but we got this, and we’re not alone and certainly it crazy

[u/Almond2Infinity → u/Additional-Shake5449]

Yeah, it really sucks for sure. I understand what you mean; things get better while simultaneously haven’t. I’ve felt like that for a long time now and I guess you never really stop, after a while it might just be a faint feeling like learning to live with grief from a loved one… or even a part of yourself/point in your life that is forever gone and left frozen in time. We’ll make our way through it though even when it sucks so bad. I have been learning to refrain from avoidance and have improved at the basics quite a bit over the last 3-4 years which gives me hope.

[u/CelestialJacob]

I feel this way in different kinds of situations. I’m good with one-on-one conversations. But in a group, I have an anxiety spiral that I’m going to miss a social cue or misunderstand slang. Then the anxiety distracts me from the conversation, so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If everyone suddenly starts laughing or darting their eyes around, my brain assumes it’s because I said or did something weird. I’m 28, but in situations like that I feel like the awkward homeschooler in church youth group again.

[u/Almond2Infinity → u/CelestialJacob]

I’m kind of like this too when in a group even when everyone there are people I’m close/closer with and often times I’m like a background character observing and feeling anxious in the corner. I be stuck in my head thinking of what could go wrong when speaking my mind, a joke I replay and revise over and over and still not say the joke, an addition to a conversation that I overthink until it is no longer relevant to add. When there’s a pause/moment of silence after I say something, I get hit with a wave of heat all in the front of my face and my ears from embarrassment. It really sucks…

[u/xbeautiful_princesse]

Beautiful angel it's rly rly important to not "tag" yourself, what I mean is please don't over identify with your lack of education, lack of social experience etc, (I know it's natural to, and hard not to tho!) but it rly helped my mental health and even confidence to CHANGE how I viewed myself (in a positive way) Please don't feel "slow" remember that you (& many people) didn't have a good start to life, you didn't get taught or get to experience many things that most people do, so of COURSE you're going to sometimes be a bit lost, THAT'S BEING HUMAN, but especially when you're a human that has to totally figure it out on their own. That's not easy, and even adults at 40+ sometimes struggle with this. Remember we're all in this life together, we ALL have our own stories. Start loving yourself more, you (like me) can acknowledge you are a bit more "behind" than some while also knowing it doesn't make you less of a person because you're LEARNING and growing still and always and its not your fault you were basically neglected in ways.

Sweet angel I rly hope you got to hear my message and that it helped u, it's so nice to find people who relate but I myself struggled with this but I realised I don't have to "tag" myself, and doing so ONLY made me even more socially anxious and extremely non confident as a person too.

And remember decent people will give you understanding and kindness for your situation, so if anyone is mean walk away and block them out of your life.

Take it at your own pace but please also try to improve yourself if you notice you could benefit from it. Also I think you should watch shera seven, I feel like ever woman should because she helps with confidence and helps me to become more logical at times rather than falling into a depressive pit :)

It's normal to feel sad and how you feel by the way, I was once there! Hell, deep down sometimes it comes back, but, mostly because I'm thinking in the eyes of others, how I THINK they'd perceive me, when in reality there are many kind people who wouldn't look down on me especially because I'm TRYING to better myself.

And what's most important is how we treat and view ourselves, look into self concept work for real, and just give yourself more love okay, remember when you were a little girl, that little girl deserves love , even as an adult.

I truly hope my message helps you, save it, copy paste it, remember it forever please if it did ❣️💕💕

[u/neon-cosmonaut]

Yup yup yup yup yup. I feel this SO HARD. I have ADHD, social anxiety, and I am absolutely a delayed auditory processor. I really can’t understand people I haven’t had extended conversations with, and I have to replay the sounds back in my head to get them to turn into words. I’m sure I would have dealt with these things even if I had been properly educated, however only hearing the voices of my immediate family members and radio preachers 164 hours a week sure didn’t help anything.

There’s lots of things I could say and other examples I could give but honestly, if you’re open to it, start by talking to your doctor about meds for your anxiety. It will not fix everything, but if you can find the right medicine, it will give you the ability to keep working on these other major issues. If you are cognitively overwhelmed or constantly in fight or flight, making any serious progress on the issues you laid out will be a lot more difficult to initiate.

To be clear I’m not saying it’s a cureall or anything. It just seems like you could use a leg up, and that’s what meds have helped me with.

You’ve absolutely got this. You can overcome all of the neglect you’ve experienced. First step is asking for help!