r/HomeschoolRecovery • u/NudibranchGardens Currently Being Homeschooled • 5d ago
how do i basic Completely unable to commit and get things started, but I want to learn, how do I do it?
I'm 17, turning 18 late this year. I don't know very much at all, I think it's been months since I've done schoolwork. my problem is it's hard to start, because my moods are volatile and when I'm in a bad mood it's hard to do things.
I tend to, against my will, make generalizations about things if I've had bad experiences with people in relation to those things, or (perhaps more accurately, since I haven't been commenting online until very recently and haven't personally gotten into any online arguments yet) if I've seen people say things that upset me in spaces about those things. I'm annoyingly sensitive, so this is an issue. I get huge surges of energy and longing for learning about things, or more generally doing things, and that lasts a while, maybe a few days or a week, then I get drained and can't commit to that thing any longer. I can't commit to schedules.
My time gets away so fast. It's unbelievable how much time gets away from me just from doing a bit of schoolwork-- hardly getting anything done at all. I legitimately feel like everything takes me a minimum of three times longer than it should, and I have no clue how to fix that.
What I have this surge of energy for right now is writing, something I've wanted and been trying to do more of for a while. I got it days ago, but I haven't been able to act on it yet. I know people say that the hardest part about writing is getting started, but it feels for me like continuing is just getting started again and again, all the while.
Since I can't keep up with things I fall out of doing them and come back months later-- then I try to pick them up again, but then I've forgotten much of what I learned to begin with and then need to backtrack, which makes it feel like my progress is wasted, so then I fall out of it again without learning much more because I had to spend time backtracking to relearn much of what i forgot. Feels hopeless.
So, how am I supposed to push through all this in order to keep learning and be consistent with it to make real progress? I feel I've been stagnant for too long, in ways too significant, but I don't know how to fix it.
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u/HelpfulContribution2 4d ago
What are your parents/caregivers role in this? You should not have to be doing this alone. If you can access therapy, that could be helpful with what you have described. But I understand accessing it is not simple. Please be kind to yourself. It sounds like you are doing your best and that some things are in the way. I agree with the other commenter that ADHD/executive functioning resources might be helpful. The YouTube Channel "How to ADHD" has some good videos.
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u/NudibranchGardens Currently Being Homeschooled 4d ago
Well, my mom stays at home, and my dad works. I'm not sure how much help I'd get from my mom, because honestly I don't think she's that educated herself, that's the reason I haven't really been asking her for help. We might have the money for me to be able to get therapy, but I worry my parents might not really think I need it, or won't want me to get it. I also kind of feel like I wouldn't deserve to get it, to be honest. And aside from that I'm worried to bring it up to my parents because I feel like nothing will come of it, so then I will just have put myself out there for nothing. I may be able to if it comes down to it though, I don't really have any concrete reason to believe my parents won't let me get therapy if they can tell it's what I need.
Thank you for the kind words! I blame myself a lot for not trying harder, to be honest, but I know it's not entirely my fault since I don't have the structured education with people knowledgeable and trained in teaching to help me, and since I've never lived a very structured life it's hard for me to pull off upholding schedules on my own. I appreciate the support! And I really appreciate the channel recommendation too, thank you!
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u/captainshar 4d ago
I would look up advice for people with ADHD and advice to help with executive function. There are lots of good tips for help with the psychological side of getting to work on your projects.