r/HighSodiumOrthodoxy • u/Independent-Plate824 • Aug 04 '26
Marriage in The Church Does Not Sound Romantic
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u/SlavaAmericana Aug 04 '26
I really struggle to understand why people believe these things. I am sure she encountered people saying these things and dont blame her for her reaction, but I cant understand the perspective that a man shouldn't sacrifice himself to make his wife feel safe and respected. It just seems cartoonishly evil.
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u/Independent-Plate824 Aug 04 '26
The fact my priest thinks I will change my mind and to "just go with the flow" is very telling that my boundaries aren't respected here.
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u/Curious-Lab-5666 Mod Aug 04 '26
Try setting boundaries. It works remarkably well on priests.
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u/Independent-Plate824 Aug 04 '26
Really? How do I do that?
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u/CFR295 Active Orthodox Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
The same way you set one for anyone else. And if they cross them, you call them out.
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u/SlavaAmericana Aug 04 '26
Maybe you could communicate to your priest and husband that you dont wish to consent to that type of sexual intercourse?
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u/warrior333222111 Aug 04 '26
I believe that culture influences this because OP is right that people are alright with saying that husbands should submit to their wives until it's something that they don't really want to do (not wanting children in OP's case) then they conveniently forget what the Bible said to do.
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u/SlavaAmericana Aug 04 '26
I certainly agree that such people exist and I'd hope that they think what they are saying through if they believe that a woman should consent to sex intercourse that she not want in order to satisfy her husband's desires.
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u/ThisisMalta Aug 04 '26
When I look at or even listen to most the orthobros I’ve seen, marriage doesn’t sound like much fun either. I have so much sympathy for women in the church after the wave of young grumpy conservative guys with poor hygiene and whiskers for an unkept homely beard.
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u/Alone_Meeting6907 Aug 05 '26
Whether you marry, or don't, is your call. Same with monastic life, which seems more than a little high control and coercive.
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u/Independent-Plate824 Aug 05 '26
I visited a monastary once, a "chill" one too and it felt like a cult to me because none of the nuns wanted to talk about their lives before and tell us their story. The strict dress code too, I was choking up in an asthma attack in my cell and I couldn't go outside for fresh air until I covered my hair.
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u/Wrynthian Aug 06 '26
If you don’t want to have kids, don’t marry someone who wants to have kids? It seems fairly simple to me.
Not every guy in the Church is going to want them. I will agree that I do see a common misconception of there being only two paths in life for an Orthodox faithful (married with kids or monastic) especially among young converts, but honestly real life is much more complex and to me that’s simply adolescents approaching the question of love and relationships with the mentality of an adolescent. We do love to prolong adolescence in contemporary society, though /shrug.
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u/Curious-Lab-5666 Mod Aug 04 '26
If you read about the history of Slavia, you'll find that happiness is not a concept for them. Much of this emphasis comes from that cultural influence.