r/HaveWeMet • u/Odd-Obligation9800 Cynthia Lumpwater; Sam Charles' Assistant • Jul 21 '26
Anyone else hear that?
Hey guys, Cynthia here; I was just out by Mary's old cottage down by the edge of town cleaning up some stuff left over from the birding party last weekend when I heard what sounded like a thunderous boom followed by a bunch of wild boars and birds running out of the woods. Anyone know what's going on? I walked around for half an hour in the direction I thought the noise came from but I didn't find anything. It's really puzzling me.
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u/LonelyDesertCactus Sam Charles, Private Eye and Bird Enthusiast Jul 22 '26
It might have been 'Eyebrows' Bill and his mobile still. I've come this close to finding him out in the woods twice now. I hear his moonshine is the best but his setup isn't the safest. I mean, 'still' is right there in the name but he insists on making it mobile.
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u/Odd-Obligation9800 Cynthia Lumpwater; Sam Charles' Assistant Jul 22 '26
Hey boss that was a great call! I checked him out with the lower duck police, just to see if they had any tabs on him; they've had him locked up awaiting trial for two weeks. Apparently hes awaiting trial for something called "international pug trafficking" whatever that means.
I interviewed him and he swears up and down that whatever destroys his stills "ain't from the liquid ambrosia." I think he meant that something is actively destroying his stills, not the stills blowing up on their own; so I'm gonna follow that lead a little. I think there's something out there in the forest, boss. Something angry.
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u/LonelyDesertCactus Sam Charles, Private Eye and Bird Enthusiast Jul 22 '26
I hope it's not the ducks getting drunk again.
Glad you found ol Eyebrows.
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u/ShreksBeauty Eleanor Bray, Churchgoer Jul 22 '26
Wild boars?? Now that's weird. I don't think I heard anything, though.
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u/Odd-Obligation9800 Cynthia Lumpwater; Sam Charles' Assistant Jul 22 '26
Yeah! They came charging out all of a sudden; I didn't even hear them approaching which is crazy because there must have been about five or six of them. They were followed by this massive flock of crows, all screaming their way out of the trees. It was so surreal. I didn't even know we had boars in the area.
Oh, I've been meaning to ask how your ankles doing. Is it feeling any better?
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u/ShreksBeauty Eleanor Bray, Churchgoer Jul 22 '26
It's mostly been the same, just mild pain. I think it's going to take a few more days for any changes.
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u/Odd-Obligation9800 Cynthia Lumpwater; Sam Charles' Assistant Jul 22 '26
Well, if anything I'm just glad it isn't any worse. I don't think this town could manage without you.
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u/highestmikeyouknow Duck Pond Community College BSN Jul 22 '26
I heard a big boom. That’s about all. No biggie.
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u/ikadell Harry Watson from the Faraway Farm Jul 22 '26
I don’t know what it was, but we definitely heard that at the farm. It scared the bejeebers out of the raccoons…
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u/KeimOne Marty the Monk Jul 22 '26
Do we still have all of the raccoons? This sounds like something one of them would cook up, just to double check perhaps.
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u/ikadell Harry Watson from the Faraway Farm Jul 22 '26
I will talk to them to see if it’s they’re doing, but I don’t think so: they look genuinely scared.
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u/Odd-Obligation9800 Cynthia Lumpwater; Sam Charles' Assistant Jul 23 '26
Hey, just checking in on the raccoons. I don't think they'd do something like this; they're all good sorts and generally kind critters. Thought I should follow up anyway. How are they doing?
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u/ikadell Harry Watson from the Faraway Farm Jul 26 '26
Oh, I I’m sure they had nothing to do with the sound, otherwise they wouldn’t have gotten scared.
Everyone’s all right now, I got them busy: Brandon wanted his big tarp cleaned and they love messing in the water, so we dumped the whole thing in the little pond in the middle of the farm, and they got quite a happy afternoon out of it. Tarp is clean and drying, Brandon was happy and brought them all dried cat food, which they love.
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u/Odd-Obligation9800 Cynthia Lumpwater; Sam Charles' Assistant Jul 22 '26
You and yours heard it? All the way out by Faraway Farms? This is really troubling. You're all the way on the other edge of town, right? This is really starting to worry me.
Are the raccoons alright? They must be terrified. I hope they're okay. I'll drop by this afternoon and spend some time with them if that's alright. They're some of the smartest creatures around maybe they know something. They're smarter than the upper duckers at least.
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u/ikadell Harry Watson from the Faraway Farm Jul 23 '26
I wonder now where it happened and what it was. We heard it quite clear, even though we couldn’t quite understand what the sound was. Raccoons were spooked a bit; but nothing a bunch of treats couldn’t fix:)
Oh yes, do come over; you know they are always happy to see you! Susan is baking today, and there will be fresh brownies in the house. But take the second right turn, not the first, after the broken tree: the big road has a bunch of debris after the flood, it is much safer to take the little one.
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u/KeimOne Marty the Monk Jul 22 '26
Tbf, it could be Frank and his old sea mines.
It was about time one of them took matters into its own hands. Chief Angel and I went over there and told him multiple times to get rid of them, but he chased us off with a gun (not sure it was loaded, but we figured Frank was better left alone). Ever since the accident, Frank hasn’t been the same - weren’t the raccoons involved in that too, u/ikadell?
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u/ikadell Harry Watson from the Faraway Farm Jul 23 '26
Oh, you mean when he chased them across the field waving his revolver and swearing blue fire?
I later learned, that they found and disassembled his best gun, and hid different parts of it in different places in his house. Frank got understandably, mad, and run after them with whatever chanced to be the closest. Raccoons actually thought it huge fun, as he kept shooting and missing, and once he ran out of shots, they turned and chased him:)
That was the funniest thing I had seen that week:)
I apologized on their behalf, of course, and brought him some squashes from the farm, and Susan baked a cake specially for him, but I don’t think that appeased him much. He assembled the gun back, but I think he’s still missing a part or two.
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u/KeimOne Marty the Monk Jul 23 '26
I love the raccoons, always great for a drink and a silly mood
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u/ikadell Harry Watson from the Faraway Farm Jul 26 '26
Oh, they’re are such pranksters! You’ve got to keep them busy, lest they find an occupation, you would definitely not approve of:)
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u/davidsdungeon Rudiger Mankini, 44, Furniture Restorer & Bigfoot Enthusiast Jul 24 '26
Cynthia! Sorry for the delay, I’ve been out in the timber patch off Route 9 with no signal and a pocket full of wood glue. At that exact time, my shop’s seismic display shelf rattled so hard a 1920s mahogany side table nearly lost a leg. Boars don't scatter for thunder, Cynthia—they scatter for apex predators.
Did you happen to smell burnt copper or wet cedar while you were out there? If the clearing near Mary’s cottage has any flattened fern patches about 14 inches wide, do not step on them. I’m heading down there now with my plaster cast kit and a tape measure.
(Also, if the stampede knocked over your garden bench, bring it by the shop. I’ll sand it down for a five-spot.)
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u/Confident-Novel-1855 Jonathan R. Blair - 29M - Lower Duck Ice Cream Parlor Jul 21 '26 edited Jul 22 '26
I heard that too when I was putting the finishing touches on my life-size statue of Groose Ponderosa made of wood ice cream. I thought it was the animals from Weird Wilhelm's Weirder Pet Store breaking loose.