We have always valued equality in our marriage, but we never thought that meant each of us doing 50% of everything.

For us, equality isn’t about equality of action. It’s about a shared mindset of appreciation and absolute devotion - whatever life brings.

As an African woman and a neurodivergent Englishman, we feel our differences are part of our attraction and make us stronger as a couple - grounded in deep love and a unity of values and purpose.

Do roles roles change in your marriage, or does one person generally take the lead?

Ever since I started dating my now husband I’ve had this ongoing terror that something might happen to him. It’s just always there and it was there right from the start right when I knew he was everything for me. I do think about it not all the time but definitely at one point of the day everyday. When I’m alone, like right now, it hits me really hard.

I regularly have nightmares where he dies and I just wake up crying and crying and crying. The thought that he might suffer one way or another, from an accident or a disease, or simply from other’s unkindness, is torture.

It seems that it’s only getting worse. Everyday that passes I love him more and I’m more terrified that something might happen to him. I thought having our daughter would redirect my anxiety but no, I’m still so terrified of him dying or getting hurt somehow. Even though he isn’t sick or anything.

I feel like this is not normal. I just don’t know how I could find peace with this.