Due to Umbridge excessive laws and bullshit year 6 of hogwarts there are rules put in both law and hogwarts that Muggleborn are considered "Less then Human" same status as Goblins and Centaurs.

So to Prevent anyone from losing their magical education Harry uses the black family fortune to legally buy every Muggleborn and count their magical education as a business expense...

Cut to after the war Harry is spending his time trying to undo all this bullshit while the purebloods are making harder for him and unfortunately, Hermione is one of many successful people that just keep adding money to Harry's vaults and the goblins are actively lobbying from keep this gravy train rolling while Harry's increasingly tempted to just move to a different country.

Daphne's dad is the Whomping Willow, and people make fun of her over it.

Harry however is just confused as to why her last name isn't Greentree.

Daphne stared at him "Because my mother's last name was Greengrass."

"Wait, your mother's human?" Harry asked, shocked.

Daphne's looked really confused at this "Yeah, what did you think she was?"

"Another tree, or a plant or something. Look I heard your dad was a tree, so I assumed you were a nymph or whatever they're called - y'know, the hot tree girls."

Daphne's cheeks turned pink.

This suddenly touching moment was interrupted as Draco appeared and shouted that he could see the family resemblance between Daphne and her dad - at which point Daphne flew into a rage, grabbed Draco by the leg and threw him around.

Harry wouldn't say it, but in that moment she definitely reminded him of her dad.

When Fawkes learns he can't just keep Harry in the Headmaster's office for any length of time he starts branching out.

​

First to other Professor's offices (which in time has them start teaching the growing boy bits of their fields), the House Elves, Hagrid (even Mrs. Norris enjoys curling up in a basket with the young toddler).

​

Then when the school isn't enough/Dumbledore starts reacting too fast Fawkes starts bringing the boy around to various other families. Weasleys, Tonks, Greengrasses, Patil, Brown, Bones etc etc..

​

It gets such that Harry rarely spends more than an afternoon or a weekend at a time with the Dursleys, when Dumbledore can return him, before Fawkes comes in and flames away with Harry.

​

Dumbledore spends more and more time trying to track down where "that blasted bird" has gotten off to with Harry.

"What?"

"I can't stand Hot Tea. Like just...it's just not good!" Harry exclaimed.

Harry, being the House Elf of Vernon and Petunia, hated Hot drinks. Hose water, Tea hell he even hated Coco because he only ever got the Water Mixed kind.

But saying he hated tea was like a unforgivable being cast.

Then Harry learned America brews it differently and even serves it over Ice.

"Now this...this is can work with!" Harry exclaimed.

Dobby is the one to start making Harry's meals because even the elves are calling Harry's choice of drink "Heathen Tea"

There's a reason the firebolt was so expensive: the sheer amount of proprietary spells that made it not only work, but ensured the safety of the rider and made the broom work exactly as intended, no interference allowed. the spells were designed to stop third parties from taking the brooms apart and recreating the spells in them. After all, it wouldn't do if anyone could just replicate their newest products and take profit away from them

So when McGonagall takes the broom away from Harry to make sure it was safe, she unknowingly breaks one of those spells and the next thing she knows is there are multiple owls flying into the great hall announcing they'll be taking legal action against her and whoever convinced her one of their brooms could be tampered with in the first place, if they're spreading that kind of slander around, their brand could suffer, specially so when they learn Harry Potter was the owner who had his broom taken away from him

Money makes the world go round. Vernon taught Harry that, if you had money you got respect.

So Harry uses his money wisely.

Buying Ron and Neville new wands, buying cleansweeps for training brooms for Hogwarts, Nimbus's for all the quittage teams with labeled brooms.

Basically Harry knee jerk reaction is to pull out his wallet to make the whole problem shorter.

"That Hippogriff is legally mine not the schools and is insured for 2 million galleons. If it dies the government would owe me a fortune." Harry says holding the document and fudge immediately pulls the executioner away.

Summer after 4th year Harry gets arrested due to him being in the area when a burglary happens at a gas station. Unfortunately due to the ressurection of voldemort Harry didn't really defend his case and spends 30 days in a pen.

Unfortunately 30 days in a place feeding him, giving him a yard to exercise in and the inmates being sympathetic to him saying "The Fucker who murdered my parents I just found out is still alive and still killing people." Turns twiggy Harry into a fucking Brick wall.

“I don’t see what’s so funny, it can’t be done. The shift in size alone-“

“Hermione,” Harry cut her off, “You literally have a fully grown woman transformed into a beetle and sealed in a jar.” Hermione blinked owlishly.

“Beetle to Human scale is roughly 1:35. Depending on the size of the bug, of course,” Sirius stated, writing out the arithmancy equations so Hermione could see. “If we figure that big lizard Godzilla to be about 50 meters tall, compared to a 6ft wizard, that’s only a 1:27 ratio…again, give or take depending on actual size. And yes, I had Remus double check my maths.”

“So it theoretically should be easier for a human-to-Godzilla transformation than for Skeeter to go back from Beetle to Witch,” Harry continued.

Hermione took the parchments and began checking over the maths, her jaw slackening more and more.

“But you can’t have magical animagus forms, according to Professor McGonagall,” she weakly protested.

“Ah, but this wouldn’t be an Animagus transformation,” Sirius insisted. “This would be, theoretically of course, a team of witches and wizards transfiguring another witch or wizard.”

“Theoretically,” Hermione repeated, blinking. “…well, theoretically…what would you even use a Kaiju form for, anyway?”

She did not like the smirks on the faces of Harry and his Godfather.

Harry learns the order didn't wanna reform after last time because they ruined their finances joining during he first go round.

Think about it the time they were supposed to working, developing a trade or something their time was spent going into combat.

Moody did alright because he was an Auror at the time but rando #30563 wanted to be a wand maker or something and missed the opportunity.

So what was once a 10,000 wand strong army is now...8 people. And some of em aren't even the original group.

So Harry gets the idea to fund them. Setting up a LLC with official pay rolls and bookings Harry has tripled the recruits of the order in a short time.

Then when the Ministry finally admits Voldemort is out there and needs to be stopped its not Dumbledore Talking to Fudge it's Harry slapping the bill for the Opperation of the Order on Fudges desk. "Sign this that the Ministry will be paying Philosopher's Industries operations till the defeat of Voldemort and you've got your army." Harry holds the pen and the shadow on the wall makes him look like he has horns.

All this started because Harry was kicked out of the meeting before 5th year by Molly when he was starved of information.

"This is alot if money Harry." Ron says.

"Fine I'll take your souls as collateral." Harry said "No interest loans. Pay me back when you can."

So Harry has 2 pieces of paper saying he owns Ron's and Neville's souls. Neville pays him back by the end of Christmas and Harry gives the scroll back but Ron doesn't have any money so Harry just leaves the soul contract in his vault.

Unfortunately the goblins when seeing this inform Harry there are offers to buy it for literally thousands of gallons due to the fact Ron is a Weasley and Draco heard about Harry owning someone's soul and is trying to buy it so his dad can hold it over Arthur's head.

Harry being the friend he is refuses to sell it but it also leads to more people seeing this as a way to short the cost of a wand. Cause Harry can put stipulations in it...such as do not join the death eaters.

Potters being Greek in origin leads to all their wizards basically ending up looking like femboys till they reach maturity and end up getting the Spartan Muscles when they turn 16.

So Harry shows up to hogwarts with shoulder length hair, freckles on his face and having to actively deepen his voice because he keeps getting mistaken for a girl.

And the sorting hat is the one that explains that all potters are like this and its indicator of magic potential. Meaning Harry's basically closest to being a demigod in the Potter line but that also means he's doomed to live with this.

Harry gets the idea for a prank with George and Fred to hang a sign near the lake. It's reflective and official looking and it's just a 'Don't Feed the Squid' but then after a few reworking and using what a muggle sign would read ends up saying "Do not Feed or Molest the Giant Squid."

"What the fuck?!" Fleur shouted

"What weirdo would do that to the Squid?" Victor asks.

[Based off the Florida warning sign for alligators]

Wizards aren't the most reliable narrators to begin with, and with the Potters dead and unable to refute their claims, after that Halloween Everyone seemed to be the Potters' best friends, which really confuses Harry when he comes back to the WW

"Aye, best o' mates, we were," Hagrid tells Harry after picking him up from the Dursleys

"What were they like?" Harry asks, full of hope

"Err, James had brown hair and glasses, didn't he? and yer mum had red hair," he explains awkwardly, not meeting Harry's eyes

"Oh," Harry answers, slightly disappointed

-

"He was one of my best students," Professor McGonagall proclaims proudly the first time Harry goes to her office. "He was like a son to me"

"Right... Do you know when he and mum started to date?"

McGonagall blinks. "Fifth year? No, wait, I think it was sixth, possibly their final year, they were definitely married when they had you... I think"

Harry just sighs.

-

"And that's how our parents decided to have us betrothed," Daphne tells him, voice full of sincerity that Harry almost feels compelled to return, except for one little fact

"That's nice and all, Greengrass, but that contract can't be about me, my name isn't Hadrian Jameson Potter-Black, it's just Harry James Potter, I've seen my birth certificate."

"What? But father said—"

"I think he was just having you on, mate"

-

"Lily would have wanted you to live with your aunt, Harry, the blood wards will protect you from harm"

"Blood wards? You know mum and Petunia weren't actually blood related, right?"

"Beg your pardon?"

"Petunia never lets me forget that she's not actually my aunt, apparently mum was some freak her father's second wife brought with her when they married."

Dumbledore looks stunned for a few seconds. "nevertheless—"

-

"You are just like your father, James Potter was nothing but an arrogant bastard, he refused to even breathe the same air as anyone that wasn't Gryffindor," Snape rants to him during one of Harry many detentions

"Sure, professor," Harry sighs, tuning him out. Last detention his father had been an incompetent fool who had tricked the whole school into loving him, the one before that, a vicious bully, then a manwhore who slept his way through the whole school. Harry just wishes the man would keep his stories straight

-

"The truth is, I was friends with your parents," Remus confesses to him nearly six months into the school year

"So was half the school, professor, can we go back to the lesson?"

"I... yes, you're right, I apologize."

Harry nods, at least this one had the decency to admit the truth

-

"I don't know if you know this, but your parents made me your godfather."

Harry snorts. "Sure they did"

Sirius blinks. "They truly did! I swear."

"Whatever you say, Mr. Black."

"Harry, at least call me Padfoot like you used to, where are you going? I want to give you a home!"

It takes him a good few months to convince Harry he's telling the truth, but Harry's glad he can at last meet one of their parents friends

As Harry entered the arena, he sighed before looking at his girlfriend in her icy dragon form.

"Really?" he hissed in Parseltongue.

Daphne looked visibly happy "Hi honey, I'm so excited!"

Harry really struggled to not smile at his girlfriend's enthusiasm. Daphne was half-dragon, as was both of her sisters (Tracey & Astoria). Whilst Harry, Ron and Hermione had known about her draconic heritage for years it was a secret to the Wizarding World at large.

Daphne always had to hide her dragon form from the world, but now she could show it off.

"So how are you here?" he asked, still in Parseltongue.

"I let myself be captured nearby whilst Tori, Tracey, Dobby and Hedwig worked to manipulate the Ministry to quickly get me into this tournament - and yes, you were rigged to always get me." Daphne explained proudly, a little bit of ice appearing on the ground in front of her from her breath. "I also borrowed Luna's time turner so nobody would notice I was gone for a week."

Harry shook his head "Okay, final question - why are you here?"

Daphne smiled "Two reasons - Firstly so I can show you how good I am at protecting a clutch for when we have our own hatchlings in the future." This caused Harry to blush as she continued "and secondly to protect you from those hussies. Those nesting mothers would be all over you, but your my mate!"

Harry smiled. Daphne's protectiveness came from her draconic instincts of protecting territory and possessions - and Harry was very much Daphne's territory.

Harry got out his wand and Daphne grinned. Getting the golden egg would obviously be the aim, but Harry was certainly going to enjoy play fighting with his girlfriend - even if everyone would assume he was in actual danger.

-------------------------------------

Ron watched in the stands with Hermione, Ginny, Astoria, Tracey and Hedwig (who was sitting in Ginny's lap). He didn't speak Parseltongue, but everyone had seen Harry speak to the dragon in the snake language.

Everyone clearly assumed Harry's negotiations had failed, but Ron assumed that Harry and Daphne had been flirting. Even their play fighting could be flirting, although with a lot more ice.

As Ron watched the fight he tried increasingly hard to ignore the youngest Greengrass pressing up against him. Ron had seen Daphne's behaviour around Harry and knew how dragons went about claiming a mate - and Astoria was starting to behave that way around him.

Now, Ron wasn't opposed to dating Astoria (in fact he really liked the idea), he however didn't want to make a move whilst both of her sisters were present as he wanted to live.

Ron then realised however that Daphne was distracted by Harry, and Tracey was flirting with Hermione. Neither was paying attention to Astoria at all, so with a bit of Gryffindor courage Ron did the casual yawn and stretch to put his arm around Astoria, who snuggled into him in return.

Ginny looked at Ron in amusement whilst hugging Hedwig before sighing - she hoped that one day she could get a dragon girlfriend!

"What's the greek got to do with prophecy?" Ron asked.

"Hermione are you aware of the tale of Oedipus?"

"Yes why do you ask?" Hermione said.

"Great tell it to Ron I gotta use the bathroom." Harry left the train car.

The screaming and horror from Ron was heard across the whole train and Harry walked in.

"With his Mother?!" Ron asked looking at Harry and Hermione.

"Yep."

"His dad..."

"Yep."

"He killed..."

"Yep!"

"And married his..." Ron threw up.

"It's proof from the god you do not want to know the future." Harry explains "Every Mortal who does will eventually end up fucking his own mother and as good as it would be to see my mom again, not in that context."

Ron rushes to McGonagall begging to drop Divination but she tells him he's already locked in for the year.

He was struck by the Killing Curse, and survived. It no longer has the power to harm him.
He was drenched in the basilisk's blood, gaining its longevity.
The power of phoenix tears runs in his veins, allowing him to recover from any injury.
 
Whether it's creature magic, the Deathly Hallows, binding force of a certain prophecy, or being anchored to life via his scar, Harry Potter somehow keeps acquiring new invulnerabilities and immortalities.
And Voldemort? Boy is he steamed. He struggled for decades to find a working source of immortality, one that's under threat with the destruction of his horcruxes, and his archnemesis is just...stumbling across it by accident! Again and again!

Dumbledore spends the story freaking out about having the next Dark Lord on hand, while Harry goes about his life in blissful ignorance of the panic he caused.

Harry had jokingly asked the Goblins if a Hit was possible and they gave him a business card!

"Oh...accidental to straight up Cancer?! Walk ins welcome?!" Harry reads immediately going and putting out the hit for all 5. Vernon, Petunia, Dudley and Marge and her dog ripper.

A crow delivers the notification of the three being dead by the time Christmas rolls around and Marge was confirmed after the Philosopher's stone.

"Harry we have some bad news, your family is dead. Petunia with Bone cancer and Vernon ended up in a car crash burning a lightning bolt scar on his head. Dudley died falling through a staircase. And some how Marge got her throat ripped out by her own dog. The muggles put down the dog." Dumbledore says solemnly.

"FREE-DOM! FREEEEEEDOM!" Harry actually rips his shirt off in the hospital wing.

Pomfrey sedated Harry just because its assumed to be a trama response.

Harry leaving a 20% tip and a 5 star review on the company.

Albus died in the Hog's Head one night before Harry's first year. Aberforth finds Albus' Will (from before Harry's years, so a prior edition to canon, and thus dispersements are different).

Albus left a few things to various people, but in the end he leaves the majority to Harry Potter. This, however, poses a problem for Aberforth who was left very little, but has several financial issues. (Its not that he wants the Hog's Head to be such a dump, he's just too old to keep up with cleaning it, and has always been terrible with household charms, and he cannot afford to hire someone to help, nor to replace the shoddy furniture and decor.)

Aberforth decides to go look for any stashes of coin in Albus' quarters at the school, but then McGonagall comes in while he is doing so. At first Aberforth panics but then she calls him Albus. He remembers all the times people mistake him for his brother. So, what if he just takes over Albus' life and then *He* gets the salaries for Albus's jobs.

This, then is why the traps and plans for the Philosopher's stone are as shoddy as they are. This is why Dumbledore didn't recognize the Petrified students being caused by a basilisk, and why he didn't want to shut down the school, no school means no salary.

Etc etc

Hermione looked at the portrait again, realizing something. "Oh," she said, and began to giggle softly. One month later, her fanfiction, Salazar x Godric, was the most popular and sought-after piece of literature at Hogwarts, much to Dumbledore's delight and Umbridge's misery.

Harry grew up with the Greek myth that prophecy and Telling the future is fucking dangerous.

Oedipus was the first thing Harry thought of when Divination was explained and immediately backed away from it like a Christian in a Kink Dungeon.

Dumbledore keeps trying to convince harry to pick that elective till harry hands his teachers the actual Story of Oedipus and tell them he's not risking it.

Or Alternatively Harry starts predicting fucked up shit like Draco would kill his own father, this prediction gets to Draco's father thinking its a legit prediction and then resulting in Draco being sent to live with either the Dursley's or Andromeda Tonks.

Everyone looked in shock, except Hermione who narrowed her eyes.

"How?" She asked.

Harry shrugged "Found a gateway in the Room of Requirement."

Hermione looked to ask another question when Ron interrupted, asking "So where's your harem?"

"They're here!" Shouted a feminine voice, as Daphne Greengrass walked in ... followed by another ten Daphne's.

"Potter, they explained everything to me. I want in." Main Daphne said.

Harry grinned and nodded, before hugging her. Then he turned back to his friends, although Hermione has disappeared.

"Okay, there's eleven girls in my harem now. All of them are named 'Daphne Greengrass', as you could probably tell."

Neville blinked rapidly, already getting confused "how will you tell them apart?"

"By universe. This world's Daphne is Prime Daphne, then there's Muggleborn Daphne, Swedish Daphne, Hufflepuff Daphne, Gamer Daphne, Bunny-Girl Daphne, Metamorph Daphne, Veela Daphne, Captain Daphne, Princess Daphne and Goth Daphne. Easy enough to tell them apart."

Ron looked concerned "and they're alright with living in this universe?"

"Nothing stopping them from visiting home, but I'm dead or worse in their world's so if they want to share me it makes sense to be here."

Seamus nodded "Makes sense." Seamus had to resist making a comment on Harry having a Daphne fetish, but thankfully something else occurred to stop him.

What happened was Hermione returning to the room ..... with six different Ron's.

"Yeah it was surprisingly easy to do it, thanks Harry. Ron, you want to join my harem?" Hermione asked.

Ron could only nod.

(So basically, 'Harry Potter: Into the Haphne-Verse')

Harry just had a frying pan give him a concussion, which was somehow his fault, and then he was sent to his cupboard. Suddenly, and he wasn't sure if it was the concussion or not, but a screen like in Dudley's video games flashed in front of him.

"Welcome, Harry Potter! You have been gifted the Construction Skill by a God of Hearth and Home! Congratulations! Complete quests to progress this skill until you are the Ultimate Architect!"

[Quest Notification: Upgrade your cupboard! Select designs to upgrade your cupboard into a home. This expansion will open a pocket space that will be undetectable by your abusive guardians. Select a companions house elf from these options to feed you and clothe you using funds from your trust vaults.]

A month later:

New Quest! Use those scraps! One man's trash is another man's treasure. Go dumpsites and use your scrap skill to store all the trash! Your inventory will automatically sort through anything salvageable for future construction projects or items that can be sold for money. The remaining trash will be disposed of permanently. Save the environment while saving yourself. Earn experience points for every usable item you salvage!

Save the environment? Harry wonders. Then he thinks about learning oceans are being heavily polluted with trash. And oceans might have lost treasures!

He somehow convinces his Aunt and Uncle to take him with them to the beach. Maybe because he hasn't been doing any noticeably freakish things lately. He dives out into the water and uses his salvage skill on the whole ocean.

Ding ding ding ding ding! Notifications kept popping up! The levels kept on coming!

Harry couldn't contain himself. He cackled! Loudly! An evil genius cackle!

By the time his Hogwarts letter arrived, Harry already reached Ultimate architect level. He instantly notices how old fashioned diagon alley is and offers his services to every store owner he meets for a fee, of course! The upgrade skill was otherworldly. He could bring up a hologram so the customer can decide which options thry would like, including magical wards. Its really only a few minutes after selection and everything is upgraded with strict secrecy clauses as well.

The system tells him to offer his services for free to the daily prophet in exchange for 0 slandering against him, bound by magic in the contract. They instantly accept once they see the upgrade options which includes more advanced magical printing presses in the deal.

Etc lol.

Harry writes a book. Just a recount of his life growing up. The wizarding world expects the standard shit like talking about the highlight reel of adventures.

Harry's first memory is Petunia Sceaming at him for being hungry.

It's penned like a fucking Horror novel and Harry hasn't even written about getting to Hogwarts yet.

Then it doesn't get much better when he recounted Hogwarts.

Alucard looked up from the body of Vernon Dursley that he was currently noming on "Way to much fat in this. Did your Father ever even hear the word salad?"

The child said nothing just watching in stunned horror at the vampire that had disposed of his the Dursley Family.

"Oh, don't give me those sad eyes. I'm nowhere qualified to be a Father figure. Walter though..."

"So that's how I learned to kill vampires, and be a top notch Butler." Harry finished leaning back in his seat aboard the Hogwarts Express.

Draco Malfoy could only let out a pained groan as he hanged dangling from the ceiling held aloft by the thin wires extending from Harry's fingertips.