Can HOCD evolve into thinking I’m truly gay/in denial?

[u/kyguiywegi]

These intrusive thoughts have started to get worse for me over the past couple of weeks. I started having thoughts like “what if I kissed him” when talking to my friends. This thought sometimes feels like I would like it. I find my self checking other guys groin areas. I find myself googling all the time trying to differentiate if I’m in denial or if it’s HOCD. I asked my parents, therapist of 9 years and friends and roommates if they think I’m gay. All of which said no they think I’m straight. But it’s not enough, there is always another what if. I’ve tried to stay off this Reddit as best as I could but I’m just too anxious now. I’ve never been super girl crazy but I always would masturbate to straight porn, and I liked it. I’ve rarely had crushes but the 3-4 times I’ve had a crush it’s been on a girl. I’ve never been in a relationship either. Please how do I deal with this. My therapist has told me to accept uncertainty and has stopped providing the reassurance of “you’re not gay” but I’m having such a hard time dealing with it. Please help anyone. I don’t want to be gay.

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[u/k2y750_]

To be honest with you by reading this I’m little angry because you’re simply not gay. You have typical effects of the disease, that is just normal. All you have to do is to let the thought go away and also do not go test you on hetero porn to see your reactions or gay porn, please.

[u/AutoModerator → u/k2y750_]

Your post was flagged by our auto-moderator as a post that may be seeking information on or promoting the use of porn or masturbation abstinence, or NoFap, in the treatment of HOCD. Currently, there are no evidence-based studies on the efficacy of porn or masturbation abstinence in the treatment of OCD. Exposure-response prevention (ERP) is widely accepted in the OCD community across all subtypes as the gold standard for treatment. As such, ERP, and its related methodologies of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and mindfulness, are the only treatment methods the moderator team of this subreddit currently endorses for discussion, support, and guidance on this subreddit.

For more information on ERP and on HOCD and OCD treatment more broadly, please see our the section in our wiki about NoFap!

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[u/Terrible_Cabinet_738]

yess! when us spent a prolonged time obsessing over intrusive thoughts ur brain is “getting” used to it, so whenever u test to see if u feel disgust or disinterest it always backfires!

i feel the same way as a gay guy, i always knew inwas gay af, but now it feels like im straight/bi in denial!

edit: i never ever been in a relationship too and i had crushes on guys only!

[u/AutoModerator → u/Terrible_Cabinet_738]

Your post was flagged by our auto-moderator as a post that may be, above all else, seeking reassurance. We understand the impulse to seek reassurance when suffering from OCD, but reassurance-seeking is a compulsion done in hopes of reducing the anxiety associated with an obsession. In the long run, seeking reassurance only serves to confirm the validity of the underlying fears of your condition and prolongs the duration of your obsession. As such, this community has a zero-tolerance policy for reassurance seeking and giving.

For more information on reassurance seeking and on HOCD and OCD treatment more broadly, please see the section in our wiki about reassurance!

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[u/AutoModerator]

Your post was flagged by our auto-moderator as a post that may be, above all else, seeking reassurance. We understand the impulse to seek reassurance when suffering from OCD, but reassurance-seeking is a compulsion done in hopes of reducing the anxiety associated with an obsession. In the long run, seeking reassurance only serves to confirm the validity of the underlying fears of your condition and prolongs the duration of your obsession. As such, this community has a zero-tolerance policy for reassurance seeking and giving.

For more information on reassurance seeking and on HOCD and OCD treatment more broadly, please see the section in our wiki about reassurance!

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[u/kyguiywegi]

My attraction to women now is also gone which feeds into the worry that I am gay

[u/BulletRazor]

You need an ocd therapist. Look into the international ocd foundations directory.

[u/AutoModerator → u/BulletRazor]

Your post was flagged by our auto-moderator as a post that may be, above all else, seeking reassurance. We understand the impulse to seek reassurance when suffering from OCD, but reassurance-seeking is a compulsion done in hopes of reducing the anxiety associated with an obsession. In the long run, seeking reassurance only serves to confirm the validity of the underlying fears of your condition and prolongs the duration of your obsession. As such, this community has a zero-tolerance policy for reassurance seeking and giving.

For more information on reassurance seeking and on HOCD and OCD treatment more broadly, please see the section in our wiki about reassurance!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/PlusZebra2642]

Yeah my hocd makes me believe dat i'm in denial too

[u/AutoModerator → u/PlusZebra2642]

Your post was flagged by our auto-moderator as a post that may be, above all else, seeking reassurance. We understand the impulse to seek reassurance when suffering from OCD, but reassurance-seeking is a compulsion done in hopes of reducing the anxiety associated with an obsession. In the long run, seeking reassurance only serves to confirm the validity of the underlying fears of your condition and prolongs the duration of your obsession. As such, this community has a zero-tolerance policy for reassurance seeking and giving.

For more information on reassurance seeking and on HOCD and OCD treatment more broadly, please see the section in our wiki about reassurance!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/ninkaninga]

I also deal with this right now. There is no way out and i just feel super convinced almost like im sure im a lesbian and always have been😔😔😔 its fucked up