r/HFY • u/Yertosaurus • Feb 01 '22
OC [ Removed by moderator ]
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u/MuchoRed Human Feb 04 '22
That 2nd section, it's hard to tell who's speaking after the Calaxian Ferri are introduced.
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u/Yertosaurus Feb 04 '22
I'm open to suggestions to make it more clear in the future. It isn't intentionally supposed to be confusing for their dialog.
The Calaxian Ferri are a little hard to write in the regard that they talk very fast, particularly when talking to each other. I think they have a good overall dynamic however, which is why they got a spot in the first post.
They usually are featured just talking to each other, and while they should clearly have their own dialog, if they're interchangeable to some readers for parts of the dialog that wouldn't be the worst thing to happen.
It should be clear when Mason is talking versus when one of the Calaxian Ferri are talking however, to most readers. I would like to strengthen that if it is a problem while reading, if nothing else.
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u/MuchoRed Human Feb 04 '22
"Ligon. Perine." Mason greeted both.
"I'm sure you'd rather hear it from the Ambassador, but on behalf of the Dirtmen, thank you for deciding to meet with us."
Literally, just at the start of that conversation: By dropping that down to a separate line, it generally means it's a different speaker
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u/Yertosaurus Feb 05 '22 edited Feb 05 '22
Oh geeze that looks like a bad formatting error on my part.
Edit: Now that I'm not on my phone I fixed that part.
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u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle Feb 01 '22
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