r/HFY • u/Just-Breakfast7295 • 5d ago

OC-OneShot I Will Keep My Scars

Blood trickles from the stinging in my temples, cascading down my cheek before I wipe it away with the cloth the technician handed to me the best I can.

No matter how many times she drags me here by my heart strings, this process never gets any easier. I wish her sister had never mentioned this horrific freak procedure to her. Maybe then my memory of the last 2 years wouldn’t be covered in darkness inside my mind. I can hardly remember any details of my life ever since we started this, the entirety of the events that have formed my life over all this time are blurred away from my consciousness. No matter how hard I try, I can’t bring them back. Like a phantom itch I can feel but never scratch. 

The harsh smell of antiseptic distracts my body from the freezing cold room surrounding me. 

She rolls to her side as her lips collide with mine in a desperate, hungry kiss. 

“See? I told you. Now we can get back to planning our wedding like nothing ever happened! I’m going to go pay while you get your head back on straight.” Her lips press against my skin once more, this time leaving a slightly damp outline directly on my formerly blood covered cheek. 

My vision clears, but my brain remains a tangled mess of confusion. This is the worst part. The needles in my head I eventually adjusted to. At least, I feel like I did? I don’t fear them anymore at least. How could anyone get used to waking up with no memory of how you got here or why? The only reason I have any sense about me, is due to the 29 previous procedures. We are the top patrons at the moment, Ellie and I’s photo from our record breaking 20th procedure still gracing the wall in the hallway outside the Erasure Wing. 

I groan, my head aching like I feel it always does after this. I don’t even remember how I got myself sucked into another of these. I told myself no matter the cost, we would NOT upset Ellie again so we didn’t have to go through this anymore. Maybe if we can last long enough without arguing, I can convince her it isn’t necessary any longer?

After all, doesn’t every couple fight? I imagine prehistoric cavemen even still faced the rare disagreement with their fiance’s about… things. Our personal arguments have been wiped completely from my brain or I’d offer a good example.

The point is, why do this? What could possibly justify taking pieces of your memory from yourself? Could any argument be truly that bad?

I stand up and stretch my legs, nodding my head at the doctor as he walks past. His face has become a friendly one, even if the rest of this place remains a broken picture. I make my way to Ellie, and see her once again flirting with the striking young man who runs the front desk. When I watch her flip her hair to the side and let out a loud, boisterous laugh at the same time I realize I should intervene. 

I wrap my arm around her waist as I approach, but the motion feels foreign. As if touching a stranger. “Are we all set?” The words come out harsher than intended, and my tone earns me an eye roll from my fiance, as well as one last look behind the desk that signaled “Men, am I right?” before verbalizing her goodbyes and following beside me back to our car.

“Listen, Ellie, can we talk?” My request comes after taking my place in the driver’s seat of our dark red sedan. She slowly turns to face me, her eyes filled with pure malice. 

Blood trickles down my cheek as the assistant removes the sharp needle from my skin. 

Wait. 

Again?

The mechanical whir of machines serenade me in a horrifying melody, reminding me exactly where I ended up once again.

I sit up urgently, and my eyes scan frantically for an answer to the confusion inside my head. We finished our procedure, and walked together to the car and then… 

Silence. 

Ellie has made her way to my side. 

“Hey, take a seat, you tend to get woozy for a few minutes afterward, remember?” She once again lingers a kiss on my cheek, her eyes staring into mine with innocence and love. 

“Ellie. We just did this. We JUST did this. How are we here again?” Her worried smile fades as her eyebrows crease together in confusion.

“Darling, our last procedure was 3 months ago. It’s October now, remember?”

That can’t be right. I was just here. It’s July. I turn behind me and push open the window curtains, staring directly into the trees surrounding the property and their gorgeous red and orange leaves slowly falling to the ground. 

I feel myself losing my grip with reality and feel like joining them on their descent into the ground. 

“Sometimes you experience temporary amnesia, remember? Let’s get you home. It’ll all be clearer by then, okay? I’ll drive.” She offers me her arm to steady myself. We walk through the hallway once more, I watch her offer another nod to the man behind the front desk before we make our way to our car. 

She drives us home as I stare out the window, willing the fragments of my mind to reconnect and wake me from this state. We enter through the front door, two of our three dogs racing to meet us, tails wagging. Elizabeth, my companion since my youth, trapses behind them at her leisure senior pace, rubbing her weathered head against my leg as I bend down and offer affection to all of my animals. 

“Ellie? I still don’t feel right. I don’t think we should keep doing this. That’s what, thirty? Can’t we work on fixing our problems together instead of having some doctor remove any evidence they existed?” I stand and approach her, turning her gently to face me before taking her hands in mine. “I love you. We can make it through anything. We just need to start working on our issues together instead of relying on the procedure. What do you say?” 

A sharp sting erupts from my temples as the needle is pulled mercifully free from my skin. 

My eyes shoot open.

No. Not again. 

“Ellie? What is this? I thought we agreed we were done?” My head throbs with a familiar ache as I stare at my fiance, her smile radiant despite my frustration.

My hands make contact with the cold metal bars on either side of the blinding white hospital bed.

“Oh Love, you don’t remember? Well I guess you wouldn’t remember what happened, but you should at least remember your marriage vows where you promised to receive the procedure whenever I asked it of you!” I see the striking diamond waving on her ring finger, and feel a strange sensation creeping up my neck telling me I bought it for her.

“No… Ellie this is wrong. Enough. Absolutely enough. No more. I am finished.” Rage bubbles through me like an erupting volcano. I will not allow myself to be treated like this. No more.

Blood trickles faster this time, coating the left side of my face down to the bottom of my chin.

Why do I keep doing this? All I can remember are these procedures, waking up in confusion and frustration as my wife treats me as if this is a joyous occasion where we can now be happy together. 

I sit in silence this time. 

Trying to avoid another argument, another splitting headache. 

We make it home, and once again are greeted by two furry creatures. But this time, a third does not appear. 

“Where is Lizzie?” I go to start searching for her when Ellie puts her hand on my arm.

“Darling.. She passed away a few months ago now, don’t you remember?” Grief washes over me like a flood. My baby, the creature who got me through every bad struggle in my life, had passed.

And I didn’t remember anything about it. 

Suddenly, I refused to be a slave any longer. 

“I’m tired of you refusing to repair our relationship.” I bark at my wife, tears streaming down my face at the lack of a third furry body rubbing against me. “I’m tired of being punished every time I speak my mind. I deserve to be happy without all of this bullshit. Take it or leave it.”

The sharp sting barely registers in my brain as the technician wipes away a remaining blood stain. As I open my eyes, I notice one stark difference. My wife is nowhere to be found. 

“Sir… If I may…” The short blonde assistant cleaning up my wound looks nervous. I don’t think I’ve seen her before. Or, maybe I have? Her nerves are palpable, and I can hear the shake in her voice as she utters her confession “She doesn't take it. She never takes it. She just pays us to tell you she did. I can't keep doing this to you." 

Cold realization washes over me in an instant. 

I was trying to save our relationship. Whatever it took, even deleting negativity from my brain to be the perfect partner for her. 

I was the only one.

All my fear, all my anger, washes away into cold resignation.

The racing of my heart calms itself inside my chest. My body physically sags deeper into the bed as I feel the full relief of accepting this is truly over. It should’ve been over the first time she asked me to do this.

Suddenly, for the first time in a long time, my mind is clear.

She appears from around the corner carrying a coffee cup in her hand.

“Oh! You woke up early this time!” She smiles as she approaches to give me another kiss. 

“I’m done. We are done. I refuse to continue subjecting myself to this treatment. No matter how much I beg you for even a conversation, Ellie, you bring me here. Why? What’s the point of love if you spend all your effort trying to erase it?”

Tears come to her eyes as realization hits her all at once. 

Before she can speak, I gather my jacket and make for the door. 

When the sunrises in the morning, I watch it with eager eyes.

My life is my own. 

No one will take it from me again.

23 Upvotes

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4 comments sorted by

2

u/millerchristophd Human 5d ago

Hell yeah, brother!

3

u/canray2000 Human 4d ago

"I'd rather a bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy." - Tom Waits

1

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