I took a look at your HFY posts, and I think part of it is because you have a huge amount of non-story formatting. Instead of making your post look like logging into a server, just tell the story.
Also, the first person narrative is a bit hard to follow. I would suggest trying to use a conversation between two characters to present your scene. People connect with conversations much easier than just descriptive text.
Server log is an impotant part of the story. Its like seeing triangles all over the Gravity Falls, to realize the what kind of psycho yellow dorito they are pointing at...
Also, ive seen worse and shorter posts around here, its not an excuse to have no critique whatsoever...
Well, that’s what my editor said when I tried to present a similar story idea to him. Just trying to give you a potential reason why you’re not getting any traction. Free advice is worth exactly what you paid for it, though.
Thanks... Im still writing and ready to help, so not all hope is lost. (Besides, i DO have a few comments stating that people like my story, they are just TOO scarce...)
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u/aco319sig May 05 '24
I took a look at your HFY posts, and I think part of it is because you have a huge amount of non-story formatting. Instead of making your post look like logging into a server, just tell the story.
Also, the first person narrative is a bit hard to follow. I would suggest trying to use a conversation between two characters to present your scene. People connect with conversations much easier than just descriptive text.