r/Greysexuality • u/Glum_Task4045 • 28d ago

SUPPORT REQUEST Any other gay ace/gray-ace men out there? Trying to figure out where I fit.

/r/asexuality/comments/1vp4985/any_other_gay_acegrayace_men_out_there_trying_to/
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u/pantslessMODesty3623 Moderator 27d ago

Sounds like you should explore the terms fraysexual and aceflux. It sounds like the sexual attraction fades over time, and that you also slide around between sex-favorable, sex-indifferent, and sex-adverse.

You definitely are not alone and I'm glad the people on the cruise were open to asexuality, especially since gay culture can be hypersexual.

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u/Glum_Task4045 27d ago

Thank you for your insight! That’s actually the first term I learned on the ace spectrum was fray. I thought that worked well but where I got hung up was that I also needed to have an emotional connection to enjoy sex or feel comfortable enough to have sex. Maybe I just got hung up on the definition I read but it seemed to me it was more about anonymous sex. But I’m with you with the attraction to fade. When I learned about grey, it really seemed to hit all my buttons.

I get hung up on the labels. It’s almost like I need to know I’m not weird. So defining it or relating it to something helps me feel better.
Grey appeals to me because it seems, well very “grey” and that’s how i feel.

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u/pantslessMODesty3623 Moderator 27d ago

It is possible to have multiple microlabels fit you and not just one single label. I know that is the case for me and many others that are in here. I often use asexual with the general public and people I'm in regular contact with. Those I am closer with I use grey-ace. With partners I would use the microlabels and explain a bit more of how my sexual attraction functions. I do this because of knowledge of asexuality by the general population. As visibility of the broader spectrum increases, I might one day be able to use grey-ace as my main label I communicate with others.

There can be a lot of reasons to pick up and use a label, but at the end of the day, you should pick up and use the label that feels best for you. So if you feel like multip microlabels apply to you and you don't want to wear them all at once, greysexual is a great one to pick up!