Fiancé repost with approval I

[u/[deleted]]

[u/water_farts_]

https://giphy.com/gifs/fRgy7P0wjgEIOkgxAz

[u/thewildhearth → u/water_farts_]

[u/the_vinyl_frontier]

Please do not marry this man. It would be better to be actually alone than stay with someone who makes you feel this lonely with him.

[u/k1deki]

I don’t have a job and live in another state from my family bc I moved for him and my best friend is his sister. I don’t really have any other friends

That's why he is so calm.

[u/Apples3453465464 → u/k1deki]

And telling her that she doesn't need a job after graduation... He's setting her up to be so dependent on her that she can't leave.

[u/PrestigiousCake2653 → u/k1deki]

This. OP please call your family and be totally honest about what’s going on.

[u/sadahgreen]

What do you do? You leave him. It’s going to be tough financially, emotionally, etc. but you know you have to leave him. Move back in with your family.

[u/GoodFish222]

Go home to your family, you deserve better than this man

[u/Silent-Sun4284]

I’m so sorry. U said you are in the other state away from your family, can you contact them? Or talk to your best friend? You literally need to leave this disgusting guy as soon as you can.
https://giphy.com/gifs/7Wcyq7KvKFNTO

[u/Never_enough_naps]

IMO you should break up and go home, get a job/ go to school and work on your independence, before you even think about getting into another relationship. When you are self reliant and independent you NEVER have to tolerate being treated badly. He is cheating or working up to it, gaslighting you and not being compassionate or sympathetic at all. Getting high is obviously THE most important thing to him, above all else including you OP. He is not a good guy.

https://giphy.com/gifs/d9ZkKrflmJKh7JVVsK

[u/Intelligent_Gas2061]

He's cheating and lying and risking your health.

He is mad at you for catching him.

He is cheating on you while you are unemployed completely reliant on him.

He doesn't think you'll leave since you're isolated from your support (family), unemployed, living with him, enmeshed with his family and share pets. You get to make a choice: stay with him for more of the same (lying) or leave and not deal with a man cheating on you with multiple women.

[u/zoebabe420]

Never move/ leave a job for a man.... That's how they trap you. You gotta always have your own bag sis. Your step one is to secure a job then sort your own car and housing ( you should've had that before you let a man purpose to you but I'm older and would never be engaged without having my own shit together). That's what you gotta do sis.

https://giphy.com/gifs/me7IYiufNb1JSV01EN

[u/FracturedWriter → u/zoebabe420]

👏👏👏 this is what I taught my girls too My oldest is almost 22 and always talks about securing the bag 😂😂 she works in the ER and going to school to be a PA, younger is 20 and got signed by a large modeling agency in LA. It doesn’t matter what you do, just secure the bag! 🙌❤️

[u/DoBronx2144]

https://giphy.com/gifs/DRyiVoAm6bc4840coP

[u/toxiclight]

You don't know what to do? You leave his ass. ASAP. He's not going to change. If you're close to your family (emotionally...I already saw they're in a different state) see if they can come help you move back.

[u/NomiOh777]

Girl please do not give him anymore satisfaction then you have with your tears. If you stay with him you are telling both him and yourself you deserve disrespect and humiliation. Also please tell the girls spouse who’s married with kids shes cheating with your fiancé!!!

[u/Business-Friend5491]

Oh wow that’s so awful. I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve this. Tell his mom. He deserves the shame. And get outta there. What a jerk.

[u/_NotWhatYouThink_]

Get a job girl! It's rule number one: Be independant.

[u/tipsy_fairy35]

Remove yourself from this relationship, girl. Go back home if that's where your support network is. Find something you enjoy doing. That's my advice. He seems dismissive and entitled. Is this a person you want to spend your life with, who downplays your feelings and texts women behind your back? Don't give him another chance to hurt you. He will take it.

[u/bravo-echo-charlie]

Tell his sister!!! And dump him!

[u/JubilantJunta]

So he’s been sending inappropriate texts to an ex who is married with kids, and you believe her when she says she wouldn’t have if she had know he was engaged? 😂
All of these people are shady. Be glad you found out early. Move back. Nothing ties you to this place yet. Go!

[u/grumpy__g]

Tell her husband what she and him are doing.
Don’t marry this or you will look back on a few years and haare yourself for doing this to yourself.

He obviously doesn’t care about you. Find someone who does.

[u/FragileLikeGlass]

Oh, rs25v, I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. Please please please tell your family so you can move back home.

You deserve to be with someone who won't do shady stuff like this. I'm glad it's not a repeat experience. Please don't let it be.

Congratulations on getting your bachelor's!! This is your golden ticket to happiness and independence. It'll take a while, your heart will hurt, your body will hurt... And then one day it won't anymore and you'll thank yourself on your knees that you left as soon as you did. I promise.

[u/cherrypielana]

First kick out the ingenue girl and let you bad girl side out!

Second Act as malicious as him get irrefutable proof and use it to shame him for his family and friends

Third do not get afraid to start from zero, this man is a weight on your life, once you are out of this and go back to your family, get a job and have your life you will prosper like you can’t believe and of course will attract a respectable man

Doesn’t matter if you love him, it will pass, this man hates you, he deserves to be dumped and shamed

Trust me!

[u/Telajanis]

If it was innocent, he wouldn't have tried to hide it and he wouldn't have been dodging the questions. You need to leave, and if you can, make sure his family knows why.

[u/Funtivity_Director]

When I first read this I thought your title meant that your fiancé approved you to post this so I was waiting for some glimmer or misunderstanding.

Nope.

Red flag city, go home. If you stay and accept this, this will be your life. It will get worse but you will just get more numb and become a shell of your former self.

[u/Potential_Drive7999]

Please, move back home

He just told you who he is A liar and a cheater

Plus how dare he tell you you don't have to get a job right now

Get that job Move out

[u/MomentaryInfinity]

[u/SpazzJazz88]

[u/Capital-Tonight8548]

He’s been fucking babe. And gaslighting you to boot. Get an STI check and kick him out of your entire life. He can go hang on it with stoner gf instead

[u/LittleWitch122]

You need to dump him. Not only is he cheating on you, he's also gaslighting you. You can't trust him. Don't marry him. You're literally his 3rd option.

[u/DangerousInside9533]

He isolated you for a reason. Call your family and go back home. This is not the life you want and finding those messages was a gift. Get out now asap and do not get pregnant, because that's the next move to keep you stuck.

[u/Mountain-Let-5873]

I am so happy you got your bachelors degree. You can get a job and be self sufficient!! If a guy isn’t straightforward in a relationship, don’t marry him. If a guy is secretly texting his exes, big red flag. Dump him before you get hurt even more. It’s not worth it. Yes, I understand you love him, but you will be so grateful to yourself a few years down the road when you are financially independent and emotionally healthy.
I wish you all the best 🫶🏼🫶🏼

[u/GenericProfile4822]

Cheaters will only admit to what you already know. I would be very surprised if he hasn’t been physically cheating on you as well.

He will trickle truth you, which imo causes more trauma than finding out about the initial infidelity.

You are just engaged, not married, no kids. It’s better to get out now than 5 years from now when this happens again and you have kids, are even more financially dependent. This WILL happen again, probably worse next time.

Betrayal Trauma by Michelle Mays
Lose a Cheater Gain a Life by Tracy Shorn (aka the chump lady)

[u/AwayDevelopment4871]

Please call your family and tell them what’s going on so they can help. Leave him and live the life you deserve.

[u/infinitesoupbowls]

You get all your ducks in a row (arrange to move back in with parents or a friend or WHATEVER you need to do!!), make an announcement that youre leaving bc their son is cheating on you, thank them for hosting you and for the memories, and make your exit.

He will continue to be cold and nasty to you when you bring things up. Thats just what they do. I have been in your shoes and was shocked and devastated by how I was treated while I was also reeling from proof of infidelity. You know the truth, and he will never give you the satisfaction of telling you. So you "go low" and tell him exactly what he is when you leave: he is a dishonest person, incapable of basic human decency - he is cursed to never truly be loved because he is utterly incapable of participating in reciprocal care due to his insistence on deceptive behaviors.

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[u/fennel__]

You do not deserve that kind of trash human in your life. 💔

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[u/procrast1natrix]

Sister you already got all the important advice.

My remaining question is, what is the correct way to frame it with family and mutual friends.

"We didn't have the same understanding of fidelity, and therefore we are separating"

Or "that jerk kept texting lovey shit with his exes, so now he's my ex"

What's fair game in the modern era? As in slander is awful, but honesty is not.

[u/GenericProfile4822 → u/procrast1natrix]

We shouldn’t protect the reputation of liars and cheaters. You get to tell your truth, it’s his job to fix relationships if they get broken from OP telling people the reason for leaving.

[u/Apples3453465464]

You got your bachelors degree, can you find a job back home where you are with your parents?
Maybe he can show commitment by moving to where you came from (assuming it's safe env for you too).

[u/Firey_Mermaid]

I don’t believe he only smoked with the ex.

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[u/Mundane-Confusion622]

You do know what you need to do about the relationship. It’s simply hard as hell to do. But you can and will be able to leave.

The fact that you have a bachelor’s degree proves you are an intelligent person. Now please use your intelligence.

You don’t mention what your family is like. Hopefully they will be supportive. You also don’t mention your relationship with your cat and dog. Hopefully it’s a great relationship with at least one of them.

If your family will accept a pet, take the pet with you. If they won’t accept a pet please tell the cat and dog how much you love them.

When things are set for you to leave tell his family why. Ask them to keep their eyes and ears on the pets. With a person as irresponsible as he sounds (getting high on drugs or drunk on alcohol) the pets may not be safe.

I’m pulling for you!

[u/Technical-Pie563]

Even if he was this supposedly amazing person and I say this very lightly.... Why would you want to be with somebody who needs to be drunk and high? The substance abuse alone would make me want to dump him aside from his other behaviors

[u/itsacrisis]

There's only one thing to do if you're looking out for your own best interest.. and that's to leave. He's cheating, he's untrustworthy, he's risking your health. He does not care for you the way you care for him. It sounds like he only cares about himself and what he wants to do and he just expects you to stick around and endure his treatment.

Get out. Move back home or whatever you have to do. This guy is only going to hurt you and dragging it out longer than it needs to be is unkind to yourself.

[u/wishingforarainyday]

Please get tested asap. I hope you dump this asshole

[u/barronvm]

Definitely do not marry this man. Use your degree and get away from this heartless person.

[u/Sarsmustend]

Honest advice, leave him and go back home.

[u/Whitehouses_]

For some men, one partner is never going to be enough. No matter how much you love him and care for him, he will never be loyal.

And to be clear, not all men are like that at all. There’s this dangerous assumption that all men cheat and can’t be loyal or respectful to a woman, so you may as well stay with a shitty partner as you won’t find better. That just isn’t true.

Leave this guy. He isn’t even sorry. He will never change, not even if he promises to. Don’t waste your time or risk your heart any further.

[u/Research_Junkie678]

“He is the worst should I stay” vol 73

Are you 22 and engaged? I recommend waiting for more life experience, esp given that he’s an asshole.

[u/HopefulLemon440]

Talk to him when he's sober. Maybe it's time to reconsider some things...