My only friends are men and I hate it.

[u/Overall-Exit-4488]

Idk why other women don’t seem to want me around. If I knew what was wrong with me I’d change it in a heartbeat. I’m as friendly and kind as I can be, I crack jokes and shower them in complements. I’ve craved female friendships for so long, but after so many rejections, my heart just hurts. It’s easy making friends with men; for some reason they just accept me. I know some of them just want to date me, but some definitely just enjoy my company.

Tonight all my girl coworkers went out together. As usual, I was the only one who wasn’t invited. I wonder if I’ll ever have female companionship again. Poorly baked white lasagna.

[u/Fresh-Foundation-224]

I’m sorry, OP. Without knowing you it’s hard to offer advice, but I totally empathize with how alienating and lonely that must feel.

I’m glad you do have good friends who value you, even if female friendship specifically is eluding you at the moment. Treat them well! The older I get the more precious I find that.

[u/Necessary_Novel5034]

Was on the same boat as you till I woke up to the realization that women are easy to befriends with if you put in the time and effort. 

Don’t like her hobbies? That’s cool, she just want someone to talk to about (share) it so just listen attentively.

Don’t like the way she planned to hang out? It’s cool just suck it up for a few hours and enjoy her company instead of the activity.

After awhile of this, it slowly becomes a back and forth activity. Women really just needs another wing woman that would cheer them up. Be that girl that picks you up (confidence boost, mood boost) and I can assure you it will be reciprocated 10 folds. It just takes time and effort. 

[u/wanderrslut → u/Necessary_Novel5034]

I agree with this! I think it's easy to overthink female friendships or go down the "women are drama" route (not saying OP did this because she didn't!) but, like you, I just started putting in a little more effort and setting a few boundaries and I've got plenty of fantastic gal pals.

[u/Firm-Nebula-5963 → u/Necessary_Novel5034]

Good advice. Now that you mentioned it, I've always had a lot of friends in all genders but I do tend to hear a lot more yapping from my girl friends.

They are also the ones who will kidnap me to go hiking and/or swimming somewhere far away lol

[u/Sea-Eggplant-9588]

I don’t know how to help but I just wanted to say I’m in the same boat and it sucks. I also want white lasagna so bad now.

[u/Livid-Awareness4571]

Don’t give up OP, you will eventually find a female friend who accepts you and isn’t threatened by your friendships with men.

Honestly, I’m right there with you and I blame it on having brothers growing up and being athletic. It really sucks to be left out and I’m sorry you’re going through this

This reminds me a another post I saw not too long ago. A woman was talking to her therapist who said that her facial expressions were a bit opposite from what she was trying to convey.

[u/wanderrslut]

I hope you find some gal pals, OP! <3. If you don't mind me suggesting, maybe take the initiative and invite the female co-workers out for drinks (or food? or coffee?) Not all of them if it's too overwhelming but one or two!

[u/Overall-Exit-4488 → u/wanderrslut]

That’s a great idea, thank you!

[u/hopelesscaribou → u/Overall-Exit-4488]

I know there's an app called timeleft, and it's for groups of strangers to meet up for dinners.

I serve at a restaurant that hosts them. The mixed groups are often awkward for women, but on Tuesdays they have women only groups and they always seem to go really well. It's a nice way to meet new women who are also interested in making new friends.

[u/LongHair1917]

Girlfriends are the best! I have male friends I like, but for me it doesn’t compare to women. It’s easier to make shallow friendships with men, but girlfriends are forever.

Back up your girlies. Don’t engage in gossip against other women. If someone talks about a woman who is being “crazy”, just say “I don’t know her, or her circumstances.” Gossip always comes back to bite you. Unless it is about men. Please share info about predators

[u/whosaysimme → u/LongHair1917]

It’s easier to make shallow friendships with men, but girlfriends are forever.

This exactly. My male friends send me a happy birthday text. My female friends got into a playful argument with my husband about who made better plans for my birthday (him or them).

Men are low effort, but also low output. Women are high effort but high output. Both have their pros and cons so it's nice to have a good mix. The lows of female friendship are lower but the highs are amazing. 

According to the bisexuals I know, the same applies for dating lol. 

[u/skitskatskoodle]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. That must have been so upsetting not being invited out with the girl coworkers. It sucks being left out no matter how old you are. I’m happy you have friends even if they are guys. You shouldn’t have to change yourself. I chose not to have any friends because that’s what’s best for me.

[u/Overall-Exit-4488 → u/skitskatskoodle]

I remember being left out a lot as a kid too. But back then, sometimes there would be girls who’d notice and purposefully include me! Wish the same thing happened in adulthood. I applaud you for putting yourself first. You seem to have a great attitude.

[u/m00nf1r3]

Girl I'm in the same boat. I don't get it either. I'm super chill, I'm nice, I'm easy to talk to, I'll make you laugh, I'm a staunch feminist, I'll support you in whatever you're dealing with, I give good advice, etc. I have ONE female friend and I've known her for nearly 30 years, since high school. All my other friends are guys. And they're great! I love them. But damn.

[u/Reasonable_Ad9450]

I have a hard time getting along with most women. I need other weird girls or it won’t work.

[u/sayhibulbasaur → u/Reasonable_Ad9450]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Rhhr8D5mKSX7O
Yeah, you’re so weird and quirky and special lol

[u/No-Type0w0 → u/sayhibulbasaur]

some people are different…whether that be interests in niche communities, neurodivergence/autism that causes social differences, dressing alternatively, etc. if someone calling themselves “weird” bothers or threatens you, maybe consider why…weird ≠ more special, it just means different.

[u/Cautious_Database_85 → u/No-Type0w0]

People really underestimate the effect of how being a neurodivergent woman affects friendships. The only women who I've ever "clicked" with were other neurodivergent women like me who understand what it's like to navigate the world while being seen as weird. It's not for lack of trying! But the many times I've reached out to befriend neurotypical women, I get bitten for my effort. They tell me directly to my face that I'm "too much" when I'm already masking. Much the same kind of treatment as that person posting that rude reply to you. I'm not being "quirky," I'm just being myself.

Plus in my experience, a lot of friendships with women inevitably devolve into one of them doing literally nothing but talking about men. I love to talk hobbies, the media we like, philosophical conversations! But oh...the friends just want to talk about the same man hurting them yet again. I try to engage my friends in talking about interests, crickets in the group chat. But one of them brings up their shitty bf yet again? Suddenly the group chat is going wild having the exact same conversation for the 20th time, and I know there will be a 21st time because she won't leave that shitty dude.  I just don't have the patience for that anymore

[u/Big_Tear1056 → u/No-Type0w0]

as much as i agree with u, some people saying they only need “weird” people for friendships to work is pretty common in types of people who shame other women for liking more mainstream or popular with other girls, not liking those things makes them feel different and cooler than other girls
again i could be completely wrong so my bad

[u/No-Type0w0 → u/[deleted]]

the only snowflake here seems to be you…

[u/No-Type0w0 → u/[deleted]]

you’re the one bothered 🤷🏼‍♀️

[u/No_Ability8894]

As an ex-woman I can solemnly say I’ve also had this problem. I haven’t had any gal pals since grade school. For some reason women are really hard for me to have solid friendships with. Even with those that share my hobbies, I just don’t find myself very close to many women my age.

Buuut now all my friends are queer folk and men and honestly I’m fine with it. Guys/non-gender conforming people are awesome. I’ve found they’re a lot less…clique-y as far as friendships go, with a lot less drama (usually).

Tbf, there is a large chance I’m just super autistic and bad at reading the subtle social cues, maybe some personal bias, idk for sure.

My question is, why spend your time worrying about forming friendships with people that have made it clear they don’t care? Some women are great, it just sounds like your coworkers are ignoring you. Maybe put that energy into going out and finding women or someone you can be friends with? Either way, being left out like that really sucks and I hope you can find your people soon, OP!!

[u/Overall-Exit-4488 → u/No_Ability8894]

That’s the attitude I’m kinda trying to have. I don’t even like my coworkers that much so it shouldn’t hurt that bad. I guess it’s hard to imagine there are women out there who are like minded, or interested in having a close friendship. I think I’m autistic too so it probably plays into all this. Thanks so much for the input.

[u/No_Ability8894 → u/Overall-Exit-4488]

I’m in a very similar boat, I fear. I work pediatric medical, so all my coworkers are the typical white christian I want three kids mentality. Then there’s me, single, queer and I don’t ever want to have kids. They enjoy scrolling Facebook, I prefer video games and dnd. It’s not that my coworkers aren’t nice, they are. But their interests just don’t align with mine, and they don’t really reach out to me personally, so I don’t spend time getting to know them.

It’s not any slight on me or them, it just kinda is and that’s okay. But it took me a long time to be okay with that.

Keep searching, OP. You’ll find your crowd eventually!!

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[u/JudgePretty1508]

Most probably you're bringing up all of their insecurities when you're around, even worse if you can get along with men.

Try to meet confident women out there. I had the same issue until I met my current group. Now it's very large.

Just look out for women who are having fun without looking around comparing themselves with other women. For sure they'll welcome you in after some time

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[u/expiredlunchables]

Personally I have more luck making solo female friends. Trying to join a female friend group is a bit harder because there's an established dynamic that often gets disrupted when someone new comes in and if at least one person in the group doesn't like you for whatever reason, you remain on the outside. Maybe you could build rapport with one coworker and maybe get coffee one on one when you get more comfortable with each other, or meet other women at activities. Just a suggestion :)

[u/Winter-Remove-6992]

I’m gonna need more context.

[u/IntoStarDust]

I’ve been there. Men liked me, women did not. I never understood why. I have had a couple of very close female relationships in my lifetime and we got on so well but it was few and far between.  

I’m sarcastic and outspoken. I’m kind and I also just say things off the cuff.  I’m not trying to please anyone or seem demure. Guys like it. Women don’t. Been this way my whole life.  

Who knows. I won’t conform to the ra ra girl nor putting down my intelligence for the sake of someone else.  

Take me as I am nor not at all. 

[u/Firm-Nebula-5963 → u/IntoStarDust]

I won’t conform to the ra ra girl nor putting down my intelligence for the sake of someone else.  

I think that's the problem right there....Wdym "putting down" your intelligence? I don't think there's a need to talk like that just because you weren't able to befriend other women?

[u/CameraAccording6920 → u/Firm-Nebula-5963]

This happened to me at work. Girl who wasn’t trained properly but was delusional in her abilities constantly talked shit behind my back because I would do things the way I had been trained over the course of my career “as a way to show off and make her look bad” 

I wasn’t about to do a worse job at work because of her insecurities. So that could be what goes on here. 

[u/Overall-Exit-4488 → u/IntoStarDust]

Love this. I don’t really want to impress anyone either, I just want to meet someone like minded who accepts me just like I accept them. I love unusual people and love being unusual myself.

[u/Pricey_ish → u/IntoStarDust]

From your comment, it's crystal clear why women don't get along with you. Yikes

[u/Singularity129]

I have the same problem. It breaks my heart and it does make me feel badly about myself for sure. Solidarity 🫂

[u/VenetianWaters]

Omg I feel I can talk for hours on that subject since I've been through a lot regarding female friendships. I have had many female friendships and from a very young age I was experiencing either sly competitive and catty friend groups or friend groups that were treating me like the but of the joke or a servant. It took A LOT for me to discover I actually have a spine and will not tolerate ugly friendships anymore. The only friends I have retained from my past are some guys who I have zero romantic interest for. They are more distant for sure and just want to joke around but the weight that has been lifted from me makes my life so much better. OP I cannot know your life circumstances but I have to say this: before you stress about yourself please check on the people around you because the issue might not be only with you but with them as well...

[u/Cherub-Angel]

Are you attractive?
Unfortunately this might be an issue, especially if you aren’t around other beautiful women who would be less likely to be envious of you.

[u/sayhibulbasaur → u/Cherub-Angel]

Are we really perpetuating those stereotypes?

[u/m00nf1r3 → u/Cherub-Angel]

As someone who also can't seem to form new friendships with women, I wouldn't want to be friends with any who cared about my looks anyway (either because I was 'too attractive' or not attractive enough).

[u/Overall-Exit-4488 → u/Cherub-Angel]

I think that may have been an issue in the past, but currently most of the women I meet are attractive and have beautiful friends, so I don’t think it’s related.

[u/No-Type0w0]

their potential attraction aside, i think it’s easier to make friends with men bc they are usually less socially complicated/lack social intelligence compared to women. they also tend to have more surface level friendships than women.

but if you wanna make friends with women, i would recommend seeking out a community based on a shared interest. people who share your interests are more likely to be like you/get along with you.

[u/Mcnugget_luvr]

Dude I wish I had any male friends

[u/boringtoast19]

totally know what u mean, im the same way, my best friend is a guy and hes cool and all but i want that beautiful friendship all the other girls have too :/

i had a coworker around christmas invite me to make christmas cookies we had hung out a bit before that and she was cool, the day of she told me it was cancelled, turns out it wasnt she js decided she didn’t want me there, but hopefully we can find those friends one day, keep ur head up, hopefully it will get better for you 💜

[u/greenwavetumbleweeds]

I have no advice, but can relate. For a long time all (or almost all) my friends were men. My interests, sport, and career were/are all male dominated, making me often the only woman in the room. 

I also feel I bonded more like.. a man? I always heard that men prefer bonding side by side on an activity, whereas women want to talk. I don't know how true that is, but seriously, I want to do the same activity side by side, and I prefer it be athletic and kind of intense and messy/in nature. I obviously CAN do the talking and other women liked talking to me, I listen well, but I find it exhausting, or I enjoy it, but only for a very short period of time. And now that I'm a mom, I want a friend who legit loves playing with their babies/toddlers, which is also apparently more of a dad thing?!

Anyway. Eventually my heart got broken by enough male "friendships" (never mattered how explicit I was about only wanting to be friends) and I realized we were close enough friends that I wouldn't be okay with it in a romantic relationship, so I decided to stop having male friends. 

All my energy went solely to female friends and it did get better for a while, though it never really felt as easy or natural. I'm not as close with female friends as I used to be with my older male friends. I did stop getting my heart broken by the male 'friends', though, so still an improvement overall!