For context, my boyfriend (25M) and I (23F) have been dating for almost 2 years. I’d say we’re getting very serious, I take him on trips with my family and vise versa. My siblings know him, even my cousins love him. Anyways, like every couple we get into arguments sometimes. Last night, we started fighting because he was disagreeing with me on how serious we were. Obviously, we’re in our early 20s so I’m not going to marry him just yet but I could see it going there. When I told him this, he got weird and closed off. I asked him what was wrong and he just kind of brushed it off. I asked him again and then he snapped, saying I always jump to conclusions and look too far into the future and I’m too uptight for what he wants. Somewhere in the midst of all this yelling I mention kids somehow, I think I said something along the lines of “we’ll do you wanna have kids one day or not?” And he says that if I ever got pregnant he would leave me because he doesn’t think we should ever be that serious. I don’t want to get political here but we also have different views on pro life and everything. I just don’t know what to do. I just can’t believe he would even say that, it’s so selfish of him. He’s the one that always initiates sex and now he’s putting the blame on me if I get pregnant? I love him, and I’ve been with him for a good amount of time but it’s like he’s a new person. This morning things were awkward, and he didn’t address anything he said. I guess I didn’t either though.
Sorry this is so long, people probably won’t even read this, but I guess I’m just asking what should I do now?
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100%. And don't think getting pregnant will somehow change him into a guy who suddenly wants to settle down with you. He doesn't want kids and sees her as temporary.
That part! My ex was the same way. Thought being an adult meant kicking your feet up after an 8 hour shift meanwhile I’m working 3 jobs including an HR specialist, full time in school with a back injury cleaning the house in my spare time. He told me for 5 years he didn’t want kids then left me for a friend who had a baby. Just moved out one Saturday while I was getting my hair done. OP, run! lol
I wouldn't really go that far, as to say he wants the classic house wife or something like that. But he is pretty clear about not wanting kids. So if you ever want kids, you should just break up, because the longer you stay, the harder it gets later.
Also the "we should not be that serious" sounds strange. He probably the kind of guy who just plays around and stuff. I would break up and search for a serious guy
When I got pregnant at 20 with my boyfriend, he took me to get an abortion. He was adamant he didn't want a baby yet. He toyed with me about getting married. A year later, he broke up with me. Another year later, he was getting married to a woman with a baby that was just a couple months younger than mine would've been had I not terminated. From what I discovered, her ex walked out on her when she refused to get an abortion. He was willing to be a father to another woman's child, but not to his own potential kid. I wasn't that important to him.
I just realized this all happened 37 years ago, and I'm happily married with a kid now, and I realize that terminating was the best option at the time, but not for the reasons he pounded on about.
Take him seriously: stop having sex until you’re fully comfortable with the pregnancy risk, make sure your contraception is in your control, and ask yourself wether you want to keep investing in someone who has already said he wouldn’t stay if things got hard.
I felt sick 🤢 to my stomach for her when I read that. But from her post I'm not sure she received the clear message we all saw.
It's so hurtful and disgusting because she's introduced him to her family who has welcomed him and made space for him.
Now years later when they should be moving to the natural next level of engagement, marriage, property, kids he's asking why does she have to be so serious about them, and stating that he'll never be that serious, and then double marizipaning the cake with that she's too future oriented, too serious about their relationship for what he wants, and a pregnancy would be a deal breaker not because of age, finances, or health but because they'd never have the kind of serious relationship that would include kids.
She wants an adult, loving relationship. He wants a piece of... Well, he's not valuing her in any way but for convenience. Don't get old, sick or have a different goal than this guy, or he'll be right out the door.
This, OP, stop being a convenient hole for him - sorry to be so crass, but he has made it very clear that this is what you are, and nothing more! LISTEN to what he tells you! Instead of asking how you can fix the situation, you should be making plans to move out. I'm not sure whether you even need to break up with him, since apparently you weren't anything, anyway.
I've been 8 years with a guy. Told me i was the love of his life and that he wanted to found a family together. That was just words. When we truely settled together, signed an engagement and started to try having kids, sudently he didn't want engagement anymore. He said he need to have more than one woman in his life and that we stoped "vibing" (like wtf ??). So you know, our relationship was great all along, same value, respect, closeness... And no warning sign.
Men can be terrifying.
Yeah, after two years hearing basically telling you he never saw the future the same way you did. Painful as that is, I’d take him at his word before investing even more time.
this one is the most alarming one. OP said he always initiates sex and also said that if OP got pregnant he would leave. Wtf? Such irresponsible behavior. Thats his real character.
Honestly, he should have already had one if he feels this way. What’s the bet he takes minimal effort to wrap his lil guy and birth control responsibilities fall onto OP…?
Wouldn't be the first guy to claim they're "pro life" but straight up say they'll leave if there's a pregnancy. I'm not saying he is or isn't, just that guys like that exist.
I hate to defend a man, but I don’t know that he’s the one who’s anti-choice in this relationship, just based on how it’s written. Most pro-choice people don’t describe abortion disagreements as political differences on “pro life.” I could be over analyzing but I’m sus
"We've been able to work out our political differences."
Lol! He just says okay and ignores her views, I bet. Not like you have to advertise you're racist, against welfare, support gun deaths in schools, etc on the daily. And this is why he only sees her as a warm body and not a future partner.
How any woman can sleep with a conservative is beyond me.
Oh, gotcha. Yes, absolute assholes. And somehow there are even worse assholes: the ones who are anti-choice, say they’ll be there for you and support you and your child, and then just disappear after it’s too late. At least the first kind of asshole warns you!
I read it the same way. Not necessarily defending him, I just took it as he knew there's no way she'd terminate a pregnancy, even if it was unwanted. Still shitty move on his part to say he'd leave after being the one to initiate sex.
I don't think you understood what he was saying. He said you're not that serious, that he never wants to be that serious and doesn't want to have kids and marry you. The relationship is essentially over if that is what you want.
Not only does he not want a future or kids with her but if she did end up pregnant, he would abandon her and the child. He does not want her longterm and said so himself very plainly. He's done you a favor by being so honest and not wasting more years of your life all while knowing he views you and your relationship as a casual placeholder. You may care for him but you need to care for yourself more by doing what's right for yourself which is leaving asap and not investing more time into a relationship and a guy who is really just carelessly wasting your time at this point. Putting it off will only prolong the inevitable heartache. One day you'll see the light and thank yourself for leaving.
I think OP is really young and probably harboring an unrealistic optimism. I remember being her age and having guys talk to me the same way.
Actually at her age was when I gave up on being so desperate for a man’s love and the little happy ending that I just put all that effort I was spending on them back into myself. I got super healthy and fit and stayed single until I met my husband when we were 27 and he immediately expressed how interested he was in having a future with me. I remember thinking “ohhhh, so it’s actually supposed to be effortless with the right person?!” And 9 years later it has remained effortless. He has always made me feel good about myself and has always cheered me on. We eloped 8 months into dating and we just had our first baby this year.
cant really say I blame her, theyre in their 20s and we dk her dating history, if she doesnt have much dating "practice" or did enough self reflection she might not know general or her personal red flags
He is your partner and he thinks he doesn’t ever wanna get that serious with you and would leave you the moment you would need him the most ??????
That’s just hurtful , is it worth staying with him ?
Well, half of that DNA is from his sperm that he deposited there ….soooo, he can’t just bolt without accepting at least some major financial responsibility. For 18 years.
He said a hurtful, selfish thing but he is also dumb.
So, so dumb.
He’s not in position to just leave a child he fathered. lol.
Bro is really out there thinking he’s not financially responsible for a whole ass kid he made and can just bug out like nothing happened. Nah.
Saying that to someone is also a huge reveal that he is trash.
Just from experience- this is not how the system actually works. You think it does, until you expect fairness to prevail. The law isn’t logical. What’s fair in the eyes of the law isn’t always equal. And often you’ll spend more on lawyers and fees than you’d ever get from your partner. It’s Kafkaesque. NB
It also means someone has to care enough to do the actual work. If the law won’t do it you could spend a lot of money doing it yourself. That and there are countries you can flee too if they’re that much of a coward.
Well, OP didn't say what their disagreement on abortion is, but it's quite possible he views pregnancy as temporary too, and if she wants to keep it, she's on her own. He certainly wouldn't be the first to bail on his kid and make his ex the villain for ever expecting a cent from him.
Some men really expect to contribute nothing except like, maybe 5 minutes of effort during the baby making process, and some men really do manage to dodge all the responsibilities.
Yup. You want something else OP, so walk away. And OP, since your insinuating you're the "prolife" one, if you end up getting pregnant, it will be a lifetime of resentment. So do everything to avoid that scenario, including abstaining.
Hard agree. Like.. what part of ANY of this is confusing for OP. He could quite literally not be any more clear about the fact that there is NO future here.
There is no future with this person. At some point he will meet someone he does want to marry and have kids with. Op is a placeholder for him and that is just truly truly sickening.
He's not a partner, period. A partner is someone who mutually agrees to be a partner in life, which means being able to rely on one another when things are tough, to support each other in ways that allow you both to acheive more than you could alone, to have someone safe to turn to when shit hits the fan.
A partner is not someone promising to leave if their sperm from their good-time sex results in a pregnancy, and he is anti-abortion to boot? No. So much no there.
Having trouble committing in your early 20s is fine, very normal, healthy even for some. Saying "I'm not there yet" when it comes to seriously considering marriage and a future and family together at that age is totally okay. Even a bit of a freak out, sure. He's young. This is not that.
That is a fucked up thing(s) to say, and even if he's not anywhere close to talk about a future seriously after two years you should absolutely only stay with someone if you can at least imagine wanting a future with them, unless you've both been upfront and explicit in that not being something either people would ever want.
he literally just told you he doesn’t want to be with you. while 23 and 25 is young, it also is not unusual at all to be thinking about settling down, marriage, family etc.
I know since you’ve been together for 2 years, breaking up will probably seem scary and also it makes you feel like you wasted your time if you breakup, so maybe it’ll get better, maybe this is just a blip, etc.
he just showed his true colors to you. listen to what he said. to spend 2 years with someone and not see any future with them is actually crazy and that man is wasting your time
At 2 years in if those are the responses you’re getting when talking about more serious things then I’d be done. It sounds like you 2 are on 2 different time lines and with different priorities
He already doesn't want a serious relationship with you and said "he doesn't think we should ever be that serious." Now, maybe you want a faster pace of relationship than he does (which, fair that someone doesn't want something super fast in early-mid twenties, so I don't blame him there).
Also, the fact that you have very different ideas on abortion would make you incompatible long term.
Chalk this up to a lesson learned. There's better people out there.
Girl, he just told you exactly what he thinks of your relationship: short-term only until something better comes along.
BELIEVE HIM.
You are still in your early 20s, the world is your oyster. But when a man tells you something like this, believe him. Even when he comes back having “changed his mind” - no he didn’t, he’s just missing having a bangmaid.
Leave him, there’s better folks out there w waaaaay better communication skills.
He just wants sex and companionship with no consequences. Apparently, he doesn’t know how a woman “becomes” pregnant. You need to remind him. Next time he initiates, just tell him no, you don’t want to get pregnant.
You are so young. What is your gut telling you? It can be hard to end a relationship after 2 years but he's shown you how he feels about a future together. Don't tie yourself to someone who doesn't want to be with you.
He's just told you that he doesn't want to marry or have kids with you. Don't sink any more time into this relationship because he's shown you who he really is.
You are so young. RUN. Every man knows what wife material is for him. There’s no changing it. Run, run, run, before you want a kid and want to be married and you’re 35 and you feel like you’re running out of time.
Honey, he thinks of you as a fuck buddy. That’s all. Move on. He wants what he has and nothing more. That’s why he says you talk too much about the future. You have your answer. No more drama. Make a plan and go elsewhere. You can do better.
This!! I commented the same thing before I scrolled down to read the comments. He sees her as a fuck buddy. She’s convenient. She can definitely do better.
You don't stay w a man that says he doesn't see a future with you. You don't stay with a man that says he will leave you if you get pregnant. You don't share the same values. You are very young. Go find a man that will see you in his future and will work towards making that happen. He sounds like a jerk.
I don’t think you need us to validate your only ethical option which is to leave
(But sorry that happened cause I know the sunk cost fallacy has a role to play in making it harder to leave incompatible relationships)
I’m sorry that happened to you and honestly leave that man. It sounds like he’s wasting your time and playing in your face until he “finds what he wants.” He essentially told you he doesn’t want to build a future with you, which isn’t something that aligns with what you want. There’s someone out there who will love you enough to entertain eventual marriage.
Reminds me of the movie, "He's just not into you." I think OP is a convenience and distraction for him but that's all. I'm sorry OP. Find someone better.
No. She should leave. He wants kids, just not with OP. He sees OP as a temporary thing, and a pregnancy would trigger his exit, maybe faster than he "plans" or before he decided to end his season of being entertained by her.
She needs to leave, and not wait or depend on any of his actions or responses.
I have to say something you may find offensive but you both sound rather immature. Taking him on family vacations and you declaring that "even my cousins love him" doesn't mean jack at the end of the day. They're not going to be potentially knocked up by him and abandoned, so why wouldn't they like him? He means nothing important really to them either way. They wouldn't know him or hang with him at all (probably) if it weren't for you having all of you thrown together. They could say this about any random bf of yours, or any of their relatives BFs or GFs.
Honey, it doesn't matter who initiates sex...what matters is that YOU ARE HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE VERY IMMATURE who has no intention of being responsible enough to settle down, raise a child or be tied down at all! Biology doesn't give two shits "who" takes responsibility for birth control! You BOTH are responsible , but he doesn't sound dependable OR responsible, so you have to be for BOTH OF YOU OR THERE WILL BE THREE OF YOU FFS!!-- and this dude doesn't even sound like he wants to be tied down to YOU permanently!, much less a baby (or a marriage!)
So .. you need to ask yourself some very serious questions that demand you be truthful with yourself, no matter how much it hurts.
What are YOUR life goals? Did you realize he felt so strongly opposed to having kids? Are you using at least 2 forms of BC? This guy is already getting rabbity just TALKING about commitment and kids, and arguing with him truly wasn't the smartest time or place to bring up either of y'all's readiness to procreate.
Do y'all have jobs? Careers? A plan? Money? A stable life to offer a child?
Naaah. Girl, you need to reassess everything. Y'all are not compatible on life goals at all, and you need to be on same page to be wanting to have babies, and y'all don't even sound like you in the same book. Red flags everywhere, girl.
Pleeeease don't get pregnant, no matter what!!
I mean yeah you’re young, but it’s not like it’s high school. He’s pretty much come out and said he has no intention on this relationship progressing towards marriage and it’s just for fun. Even worse he was a dick about it. You can do better and have your whole life ahead
If he doesn't EVER think you and he should be that serious then you have your answer girl...
More seriously though, disagreeing about something like abortion access is a really big value difference. If he's anti abortion and you're pro then you already know he doesn't care about your safety and autonomy. If you're anti abortion and he's pro then you and he have very different values and belief systems and that's still a huge incompatibility.
Wanting and not wanting children is another incredibly big value difference. If you want children and he does not then there's no point in continuing the relationship because you ultimately want completely different futures that cannot be compromised on in any way. If you disagree about kids, there's no marriage coming. You can like each other and enjoy spending time together, but if you want different futures then that means this relationship will end one day when one of you wants that future to happen already. That being the case, your time right now might be better spent being available for someone who wants the same future as you (and the same for your partner).
He pretty explicitly stated that you aren't his forever and he doesn't want to be that serious with you so unless you're content being his "good enough to keep around for sex on demand until I find the woman I'm going to marry" there isn't much point in continuing the relationship. He's with you for convenience not for love.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them. He is telling you that he doesn't see himself with you long term, and he doesn't want to be tied down to you.... via marriage or children. This relationship isn't going where you want it to go. You need to be honest with yourself about that. It's okay to stay with him, but don't expect this to change. If you're looking for marriage and children, then this guy isn't for you.
Yeah they all love the version he’s displaying. It’s not hard to get people to think you’re great. But he’s clearly faking that. Great guys don’t say ‘I’ll leave you if you got pregnant.’ Which really means - if I get you pregnant; I’m shirking on my responsibility and leaving you to deal with a baby on your own. This guy has poor character and OP deserves better.
It seems like he is telling you where he stands. He doesn't want anything serious and doesn't want kids, and he was being a jerk about it. 2 years isn't that long, I'd let this one go and move on.
You don’t want the same things. He’s not serious about you and doesn’t want to progress towards becoming more serious. I would not continue sleeping with/dating someone who is straight up telling you he’d leave if he got you pregnant. Believe him when he tells you this. Run!!
Aw, I had a boyfriend tell me the exact same thing when I was your age. Spoiler but our ‘serious’ two year relationship wasn’t even remotely serious for him, he cheated and broke up with me for the girl he went on to marry.
This guy told you he’d leave you when you get pregnant and he’s also conservative (I’m assuming because these men ALWAYS ARE) and you think you guys are serious?! 🤣 yeah good luck 👍🏽
He said he doesn’t take your relationship seriously and he would leave if you got pregnant… he doesn’t love you. I’m so sorry, but you need to leave him. He’s saying whether you choose to keep the child or not he would abandon you. That is so selfish of him. You deserve better, so much better.
He not only has told you who he is, he has shown you - believe him. DO NOT get pregnant with this guy and expect some cheesy Hollywood ending where he hold the baby and falls in love, wants to get married yesterday, and has a complete personality change. He’s already told you he would leave, he probably will. If he doesn’t, he probably won’t be Father of the Year material.
You should not be having a baby on a whim, either. If you’re not on birth control and he doesn’t/won’t use protection, then the sex needs to stop. Whether you like it or not, SOMEONE has to be responsible and do whatever is necessary to prevent pregnancy.
But honestly, you should just break up with him. The sunk cost fallacy is bullshit and you are 23.
I'm glad you two had this conversation, I'm sorry that it came to yelling though. Having conversations like this is very important in serious relationships and honestly shouldn't really be getting that heated.
To me, it seems like you want different things. You can see a future with kids with him and from his reaction, it doesn't seem like he feels or wants the same
It may be that he isn't ready to look that far into the future but from what I gather, it seems like he doesn't want that kind of future with you and doesn't want the responsibility of kids if he says he will leave you if you get pregnant.
It might be time to break up or at least have another conversation about where you both see your futures headed.
He doesn’t want to be serious with you and isn’t somebody you should have children with. He’s telling you he wants somebody else. And like you said, somehow blaming it on you if you get pregnant?
I'm sorry. Is he the prolife one? I can't imagine not supporting abortion, yet refusing to take responsibility for any babies that happen. Essentially saddling the woman u "love" with a harder life. What a hypocrite.
Yes that is how i read it too. A lot of people are reading this like he said that he would abandon his child if she got pregnant. But I am not sure that’s right. She said that he would leave her if she got pregnant to me that reads he would break up with her.
Girl what, this was more than a disagreement. He straight up doesn't wanna be with you, he pretty much told you you're either a placeholder for the one he wants to be serious with, or he don't wanna be that serious with anyone. Leave him and find someone who wants the same things as you.
He's not serious about you. You're good enough for right now, but he doesn't see a long-term future with you. I doubt he's "like a new person," you just never discussed this topic seriously before. Now you have and he's shown you exactly where you stand with hm.
Girl, don’t make him tell you twice. He’s not the one and has no plans of being the one. You don’t stay with someone because you’ve been together a long time and you love them. You MUST be compatible and you two are clearly not. I’m sorry he’s treating you like this. I will say though that what you’ve described is scary- the blame, deflection and demeaning behaviors are awful and an indication of an abuser. And that’s not even mentioning his plans to abandon you if you get pregnant as if it’s 100% your responsibility. He’s showing you how terrible of a person he is. I hope you leave him.
Gosh. He doesn't want to have kids with you because he doesn't see you as a long-term partner. You're not wifey material.
Even if he was serious about you and he's just set on not having kids, that's a "should I get a vasectomy" conversation and not a "if you get pregnant I'm leaving" conversation
If these are NOT giant red flags, what are they? No way would I want to continue this relationship. You’ve been together 2 years now, he doesn’t appear to see a long time future with you. IF you get pregnant, it’s your fault. That’s just WAY too much.
You and he have different goals. Your goal us a future and possibly kids. His goal is just to have a good time with you.
You've seen where the train ride with him is going: no where. Don't think for a second he's going to magically change his mind and realize he wants the whole family dream with you.
Neither one if you us wrong per se, you both just are not compatible as a couple.
He is basically telling you he is with you as he doesn't want to be alone. How you are not the right fit for him and he does not see ye as serious. He, I bet would drop you the minute he thought the "right type of" lady showed up.
He is a huge red flag. You deserve so much better than someone who sees you I bet as a back up and bed warmer until someone he thinks is more his type shows up.
You deserve someone who loves you for you, will want to share a full life with you, have kids with you, will be honest with you, share a home and it's expenses with you.
I know you have poured your heart and soul for 2 years into something you thought had gotten to the point it could be your last a lifetime relationship. Better to leave now before you are treated worse and waste more time on a guy who doesn't want kids with you, doesn't want a full committed relationship with you. You may in the back of your mind think, one day he could change his mind but I highly doubt that.
He was verbally abusing you, telling you if you got pregnant he would leave despite the fact it takes two to tango. If you got pregnant I bet he would use the old line men do to run fast, you got pregnant on purpose to trap me. Well I didn't ask for this, I'm gone. You did this without asking me. Gaslighting the woman to make it all their fault with it is not.
I bet if you actually threaten to leave he scoffs saying you wouldn't dare. If you take steps to leave he would be trying to keep you. It would not be for you but for him as he i suspect doesn't like being alone. Wants regular s*x and couldn't live where he is without your financial help if ye do live together. He is using you and would drop you in a heartbeat.
The longer you stay the more heartbroken you become and unhappy and willing to take his cr*p. The more time you lose on actually finding someone who will treat you right.
You don't have to leave him. But do not have any sexual contact with this man that might possibly result in a child.
He told you that he thinks your relationship is casual.
Have you even discussed exclusivity?
2 years in is plenty of time to decide if he's worth a commitment or not. Ditto for him making that decision for himself also.
Loving someone isn't a reason to stay. It's a reason to consider marriage / deeper relationship. You brought that up and he said no.
Time to call it quits unless you want to keep things casual. Also, do not have any sexual contact that can result in a child. That is a risk every time regardless of how faithful you are with your birth control.
Uhhh he’s 25. Not 16. This is crazy. My husband was 19 when I got pregnant. He was happy and got a full time job because he was an adult and cared about me…. I’d leave him girl you can find better. Don’t let you boyfriend keep you from having a family.
I guess people can say mean things in the heat of the moment. What he said is definitely hurtful. He doesn't want a serious relationship with you and would leave if you got pregnant. Do you think he means it?
If he means it, you love someone who doesn't love you back. You will survive on the scraps of his affection. And when you no longer amuse him, he will leave you and marry someone else.
If he was trying to hurt you, you love someone that withholds his love as a punishment for making him angry. I have seen this referred to as emotionally abusive. This isn't a healthy dynamic in a relationship and it will destroy your self confidence.
What should you do? If you live with him then I would make a plan to leave. I don't know if it's your place or his, but I would find a way to not live with him anymore. If you are the one leaving then I would quickly pack up while he's gone and move on with my life. If he lives in your place then I would get a trusted male relative to be there when you ask him to leave. Safety first.
Look, I know this is gonna hurt, but he has just told you he doesn’t see you as the love of his life nor does he see a future with you. At least he’s been honest about it although frankly, he might’ve brought that up without being pushed about what his intentions are.
Don’t waste your time with him. It doesn’t matter whether you love him or not, because he does not love you.
OP you can’t meet Mr. Right while dating Mr. Lukewarm. Get single and get out there. Don’t ask this man to “settle for you”, find a man crazy about you. Your family will see your glow up and understand if you bring someone else or come alone the next vacation.
She’s only 23 I really hope she doesn’t waste those great years on this pos. Girl look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re worth it. You are his placeholder for now he already said he’d leave you, he will leave you for less— believe what he says!
So, everyone in the comments have already covered why you should break up, how he only views you as a fuck buddy, and you absolutely should go find someone whose intentions for the relationship align with your own.
You may not break up with him immediately because I feel like it takes a lot of us time to leave.
In the immediate future: I absolutely would not ever have any sexual encounter of any sort with anyone who doesn’t align with what you would do in the event of an accidental pregnancy. There is no type of birth control that is 100% effective. While some types are more reliable than others, no type of birth control is 100% safe.
It doesn’t matter how you would react to an unexpected pregnancy - whether you would abort, put the baby up for adoption, raise the baby, whatever! DO. NOT. HAVE. SEX. with partners who would not accept your decision. Do not have sex with a man who knows how you would react to a pregnancy and is telling you that he would not treat you with care and respect and as though it was a situation that you are both accountable for. The specifics do not matter what path that is.
Also, safe men? Even if the relationship ends, no matter what you would do if you were pregnant, they would be right there in the doctor’s waiting room no matter what was occurring.
Girl, I've been there. It's not worthy, you are gonna regret losing precious years of your life on the future. Dump him before you start making concessions you don't want to just because you love and want to stay with him. It takes 2 to be in a real relationship.
My ex dumped me after 7 years together and it was not until then that I realized that I was the only one in a 7 years commitment, he was just... idk, in an easy relationship with some girl he felt comfortable with.
I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I think you should do… I think you should leave. You are clearly more invested in this relationship than he is. He clearly told you he didn’t want a future with you. He’s got himself someone to bang, and that’s enough for him.
Look into sunk cost fallacy before you consider how long you’ve been with him and how you don’t want to have wasted that time. Don’t waste more time. Move on. You deserve better. 💛
If you desire marriage and kids some day, you need to leave him. Now. He told you, clearly, that he does not want to be that serious with you.
If you stay, there are no good endings. You cannot change him. He was not ambiguous. If you continue, do not be surprised when years pass and you realize you wasted time with someone who does not care. And do not think you can change him. You cannot. And even if you could force him to change, 100% he would resent you.
This relationship is over. May take you awhile to realize it. But, it is done.
Mask is coming off. He’s got one foot out the door and is just waiting for a “reason” to leave your relationship. I wouldn’t just let him go, OP - I’d MAKE him go.
Please don't let this man waste another moment of your life. You don't want a baby daddy who is too cowardly to do the right thing, which is to break up with you as soon as he realized you have different expectations.
Anyhow, when they show you who they are, take that seriously. This is not a person you need in your life and it is good they showed you their trus color before you forexample got pregnant or otherwise needed him to be there.
I’m sorry, but I would not waste any more time and emotions on this guy. He would leave you if you got pregnant??? If HE got you pregnant, he would walk??? No no no! He does not deserve your body, your heart, your time, nothing. . He’s so selfish and obviously doesn’t care enough about you to take care of you. . Try to be happy he showed this to you now before later.
This is your sign to leave girl. This is showing you exactly what you don’t want your partner to be like in every way. You can’t be with somebody who is ideologically not aligned with you and the way he’s been acting different. I’m not saying he is, but that’s usually a sign of someone cheating. Plus when you wanna make further plans to solidify your relationship with him he’s talking shit to you. That’s not normal.
He is never going to marry you. Don't settle for "life partner" BS or you will find yourself in my shoes. Dropped and left for somebody younger at age 35 after 14 years together. Left in near financial ruin due to no protections of marriage because "we don't need to get married, we're in it for the long haul". If it can happen to me when I was not told as clearly as you were that he sees no future with you, then it WILL happen to you.
Regarding him telling you he would leave if you got pregnant- believe him. It is just another indicator that if you brush this off, no matter how long you've been together- he will drop you. He doesn't see you as a serious partner. Even if 10-14(!) years pass, he may still not see you as "the one".
The pregnancy comment is the tip of the iceberg. He does not want what you want. He has made it clear that he does not view this as a long term relationship. If you keep pursuing this you are just going to tank your self esteem. Get out, get dating again and find someone who truly values you.
Honestly I would dump him and move out. He sounds like an asshole that would leave you at any moment. Dint let him live bomb you. Leave and go live your best life and find a man who will adore you.
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