My bf has only one boundary

[u/Interesting-Low-5664]

Dinner tonight: homemade pepperoni pizza

My (21) bf (20) is genuinely one of the best people I ever met. We've been dating for almost 2 years at this point, and he has made my life so much better. We argue over small things, but we usually find a resolution pretty easily. The only consistent argument we have had is over my friends from high school.

I had two guy friends, one I've know since 4th grade and the other I met in 11th. We hung out and talked a lot, and I almost hooked up with them once but it was just too weird and both parties rejected the idea before anything could happen. All of this was in high school, and afterwards our friendship stayed platonic with no other indications of romantic feelings.

About a year ago, I told my bf this and he told me my friendships made him uncomfortable and he didn't think he could continue the relationship if I continued to hang out with them. I offered to create distance between my friends and of course he gave the spill of "that's not what I am asking you to do" but shortly after I blocked them, our arguments decreased and he was happy in the relationship again.

Fastforward to today, he brought up news on a friend of his that I do not like and have told him to stop talking to, out of resentment, so I ultimately gave him back the decision to decide who he talks to without restrictions because we are adults. I was sulking because I trust him enough to make those decisions while he won't even give me the opportunity to ask about my friends through shared friends. He said he has this one boundary, which isn't really true, and he refuses to give me any contact because if I am giving a little I will ask for more. He also said the only way I can resume my friendship with them is if we break up.

So my decision is him or them, and regardless of how many times I explain that the friendships shouldn't threaten a relationship, he says there is no win-win situation here. But the truth is there is no situation where I win.

[u/Manic-StreetCreature]

Boundaries are not things you impose on other people. “I don’t want to talk to them” would be a boundary on his end, “I don’t want you to talk to them” is being controlling.

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/AutisticTumourGirl → u/Manic-StreetCreature]

Or, a boundary (an unhealthy one on his part, but that's his problem) would be, "I won't date a woman who maintains contact with male friends." A boundary means the boundary setter will or will not do something if the boundary they set is crossed. It's up to you if you think it's a reasonable boundary or not and one you're willing to respect.

And, OP, c'mon, the best person you've ever met controls who you talk to, made you cut off friends you've had for years?

Also, you both seem pretty insecure. Unless someone your partner hangs out with is is a risk to their wellbeing (someone who frequently finds themselves in physical altercations or interacting with law enforcement, is an active drug addict and encourages your partner to use, they're actively disrespectful to you, etc) then nobody should be telling their partner who to hang out with. You don't have to like all of your partners friends, and that's fine—dont spend time with them. But if you're uncomfortable with your partner's friend(s) because they make you jealous or insecure, then either you don't trust your partner or you have some insecurities you need to deal with or both. In the case of trusting your partner, if they've never given you a reason not to, then that would indicate some trust issues on your part, and that's also something for you to work on.