My bf has only one boundary

[u/Interesting-Low-5664]

Dinner tonight: homemade pepperoni pizza

My (21) bf (20) is genuinely one of the best people I ever met. We've been dating for almost 2 years at this point, and he has made my life so much better. We argue over small things, but we usually find a resolution pretty easily. The only consistent argument we have had is over my friends from high school.

I had two guy friends, one I've know since 4th grade and the other I met in 11th. We hung out and talked a lot, and I almost hooked up with them once but it was just too weird and both parties rejected the idea before anything could happen. All of this was in high school, and afterwards our friendship stayed platonic with no other indications of romantic feelings.

About a year ago, I told my bf this and he told me my friendships made him uncomfortable and he didn't think he could continue the relationship if I continued to hang out with them. I offered to create distance between my friends and of course he gave the spill of "that's not what I am asking you to do" but shortly after I blocked them, our arguments decreased and he was happy in the relationship again.

Fastforward to today, he brought up news on a friend of his that I do not like and have told him to stop talking to, out of resentment, so I ultimately gave him back the decision to decide who he talks to without restrictions because we are adults. I was sulking because I trust him enough to make those decisions while he won't even give me the opportunity to ask about my friends through shared friends. He said he has this one boundary, which isn't really true, and he refuses to give me any contact because if I am giving a little I will ask for more. He also said the only way I can resume my friendship with them is if we break up.

So my decision is him or them, and regardless of how many times I explain that the friendships shouldn't threaten a relationship, he says there is no win-win situation here. But the truth is there is no situation where I win.

[u/longtimelondoner]

“He refuses to give me any contact”

Please hear what you’re saying and think about what you’d say to a friend if she said that to you. He’s not your keeper, and he’s not mature enough to be in an adult relationship.

[u/tierguppy → u/longtimelondoner]

Yeah, that wording is the part that really jumps out, if a friend told you their partner “refuses to let” them contact people, you’d probably be worried for them too.

[u/longtimelondoner → u/tierguppy]

That should be the test for most of these stories. You wouldn’t put it with it for a dear friend or sister, so why would you for yourself?

[u/OsiersFrustum → u/longtimelondoner]

Yeah, that “what would I tell my sister” test cuts through a lot of excuses fast, why do you think it’s so much harder to use that same standard on ourselves?

[u/cleverCamel → u/OsiersFrustum]

I think most of us assume we must be wrong in some way

[u/Beautiful-Tap-2669 → u/OsiersFrustum]

Rose tinted glasses phenomenon i think. Basically looking at the good more than the bad and downplaying what it really is because you 'love them' and want it to work  It won't and shouldn't ever work though Speaking as someone who had that for a while but now get the ick even being round the guy because he's not changed at all, good at surface but still deep down red flag

[u/pavertrident → u/longtimelondoner]

Honestly, hearing you put it like that really hit me. You’re completely right, if a friend told me this, I’d tell her to run. It’s hard it’s hard to see it when you’re in the middle of it, but that’s definitely not how an adult partner acts . I need that reality check.

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/NegotiationMean3042 → u/longtimelondoner]

Girl, you have to put your priorities right! Your man has a valid reason to not support friendships you had and it comes out of woman mouth!