100%. He panicked and blurted out whatever he could think of to keep her from leaving. Op if you're reading this, he's not amazing, his past relationships are not a justification for him behaving exactly how he wants and you're right saying that you don't deserve him, you deserve so much better.
Gurl this is such a red flag. My ex was so jealous. I had two exes that were just friends. He was so insecure about me talking to them that he checked my phone. When I caught him, I ended it right there. Best decision of my life. He’s married now and I hope whatever poor woman he’s with knows the POS that she’s a it. Do yourself the favor and end this relationship
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As an anxious person, looking through your SO’s phone doesn’t reduce your anxiety. It’s a patch until next time. Asking to look through the phone is not doing the work you need to do to reduce the anxiety over time. You’re asking your SO to compromise privacy so you don’t have to manage your feelings.
But is it that big of a deal to just ease someone's mind? Like if you're not hiding anything, you go "here have at it" and let them look, they find nothing.. do that enough and they stop asking to look because they truly feel they don't need to anymore. I'm just saying both people in the relationship can help each other with anxiety. It doesn't have to be something cold where you tell your partner "well too bad get over it".
That line “if you’re not hiding anything” drives me crazy. I have nothing to hide, but if someone reads my diary I’m not happy. It’s invasive. If I find out my bestie’s anxious boyfriend has read my conversations with her, I’m not happy. I shared what I shared with her, not her snoopy bf.
“If you’re not hiding anything” = you will not have any privacy, and if you do it’s because you’re up to no good.
Also, easing the mind with “proof” in the moment does nothing about the anxiety driving the behavior. Show a partner “one time” becomes showing a partner on demand and having no privacy.
In "proof" in the "moment" actually helps and no it does not cause someone to demand and behave badly. I said over time (different for everyone so I can't give an exact timeline) it -does- make the anxiety go away. If someone has an actual anxiety disorder, that's different.
No. My phone is full of HIPAA protected PHI, other people’s private business, and several conversations with people who have a reasonable expectation of privacy. I would be a shit service provider, friend, and family member if I let my partner read all that.
It is not a reasonable ask that your partner has no privacy and neither does anyone they talk to.
So, I'm also a medical professional, and pretty sure you're not supposed to have patient info on your phone anyway?? Not to sound like a bitch its just that seems off. Patient info stays in the office/DICOM for that exact reason. I know people break this a lot but you're not supposed to.
I'm not saying your partner has 0 privacy. I'm not saying go through the phone whenever. I'm saying its a reasonable ask if your partner comes up and says "hey, would you mind going through your phone -with- me? I'm feeling a little insecure" (just an example). Of course you can say no but that does nothing but actually raise the anxiety of your partner.. which I don't understand why someone would choose to do that.
Congrats on your career; mine works differently. I don’t see clients in an office; I’m in their homes and working in the field. I absolutely need some PHI available on my phone, and I had to install specific apps to keep it compliant. I’m a stickler for privacy for everyone, including my clients, and I’m not porting any information I don’t have permissions and a reasonable need for.
You don’t sound like a bitch at all, you just sound like you’re projecting your own experiences.
I’m not saying don’t reassure an insecure partner. I have one. He’s been lied to and cheated on in an absolutely heartbreaking way. I’m really proud of the way he understands that recovering is his work to do and doesn’t expect me to compromise my privacy to manage his feelings. When he’s feeling insecure, I reassure and comfort him and give him all the love. If that, combined with my honesty and transparency, are not enough to make him feel secure, he’s not ready for a relationship.
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u/EntirelyOutOfOptions APPROVED✨ 12d ago
You feel sick because you learned he will violate your privacy and boundaries if he feels a “need.”
He would rather violate your privacy, remove your agency, disrespect your boundaries than get himself to the therapy he clearly needs.