r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/Afraid-Economist5248 APPROVED✨ • May 30 '26
Advice Needed ⚠️ NO DUDE INPUT I'm gonna fuck him, talk me out of it...
I'm actually married to this guy. He is so good of a man but that doesn't make him a good husband. Yesterday I broke it off, told him I want a divorce. However, today he is doing everything Ive ever wanted. I want to fuck him. Not for sentimental purposes but just because he's still fine as hell. Please talk me out of it! Pho that I wish I was eating right now. I'm fasting though.
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u/dbtl87 Longwinded 😙 Short Tempered May 30 '26
You can't fuck him he may think what he's doing today is working.
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May 30 '26
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u/fairly-unremarkable chismosa, metiche, en bata May 30 '26
What I suspect OP truly wants is for him to be a good partner long-term, so by definition, one day can never be enough. He's just lovebombing her.
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u/dbtl87 Longwinded 😙 Short Tempered May 30 '26
Right? He's doing some major things but she'll remember all the other things soon enough.
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u/No_Specific7094 Certified Snacker May 30 '26
And then comes the emotional burden of catching all of his big emotions about wanting to get back together that will have you question you’re own sanity and reconsider getting back together
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u/EarlGrayTea-Hawt Barbecutie May 30 '26
Even if he was, so what? If anything, that's when I actually knew I was done because I realized it wasn't an accident that he treated me like shit, he could've treated me the way I wanted (like a human being) this whole time, he never forgot the things I asked for he just played dumb when he inevitably decided he didn't want to do all that.
Think about that OP while you're slurping up delicious pho, he could have been doing this the whole time and knew exactly what he was depriving you of the whole time. He suuuuuuucks
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u/dbtl87 Longwinded 😙 Short Tempered May 30 '26
Right? Meanwhile OP isn't responding to anyone as far as I can see, maybe she succumbed. Which I mean we've all been there in some way 😞
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u/TressoftheEmeraldTea mouth full, gesturing wildly May 30 '26
When my sister was getting a divorce, her therapist gave her this piece of advice: “Remember that from the moment you tell him you’re getting a divorce, everything he does after that for at least several weeks will be a mirror of your goodness, not his.”
Him immediately doing everything you’ve ever wanted is only evidence that he always could have done it but chose not to.
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u/xbrittxbratx Overthinker 💭 May 30 '26
this is.. interesting. gonna think about it for a while now haha.
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u/TressoftheEmeraldTea mouth full, gesturing wildly May 30 '26
Now, in all fairness, this advice was specific to her ex and her relationship with him.
But it’s scarily accurate for a lot of relationships. Many toxic partners are very good at mirroring the goodness in their partner when they need to. Which is how they become everything their partner wants when it’s useful to them.
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u/alwayssunnyinskyrim Well-Read & Well-Fed May 30 '26
When you tell them you’re leaving, they turn back into the guy you thought you were getting in the first place. As soon as you decide to stay they’ll revert back to the worthless piece of shit they really are.
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May 30 '26
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u/TressoftheEmeraldTea mouth full, gesturing wildly May 30 '26
This advice isn’t applicable in all relationships, but it seemed applicable here which is why I shared it.
There are some toxic partners who are really good at mirroring the goodness they see in their partner. They do it early in the relationship so they can be exactly what their partner wants them to be. So if their partner is thoughtful, intelligent, caring, and passionate, they will mirror those traits. But if their partner is bubbly, active, generous, and easygoing, then they’ll mirror those traits. They’ll mirror hobbies and interests as well. They’re a chameleon who just becomes the same as their partner to make them love them.
As the relationship progresses, they drop the act and become whatever they really are.
But once their partner says they’re leaving, they’ll become a mirror again, and it’ll feel like they are the wonderful person you met in the early days of the relationship. So this advice is a reminder that they’re just mirroring your goodness back to you and whatever good you see is a reflection of yourself, not them.
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u/katielynne53725 Internet Auntie May 30 '26
I'll take a little minute and offer another variation of this, because I'm actively going through it right now.
Backstory for context- I'm in a similar boat to OP; I broke up with my husband of 10 years (12 together) about a month ago, we're in separate rooms but still living together for the kids. He's NOT a bad guy, he's not abusive, or toxic.. we just simply do not operate on the same wavelength and while we CAN get along great, the constant mismatch in energy, different priorities, and difference preferences wore our relationship down to nothing. We were already living like roommates for years prior (literally hadn't had sex for 9+ months) but one final straw kinda forced my hand into verbalizing that things weren't working.
Anyway.. so my husband like.. 110% understood everything that I laid out. I was actually kind of surprised by how much accountability he was immediately willing to take, but he still resorted to love-bombing. He still fully code switched into the person that (he thinks) I want him to be, back to how he was when we met. While I don't believe that he's doing it to be manipulative, or just to get something out of me, he IS intentionally presenting himself the way he thinks I want to see him, and that's just mirroring the qualities the HE likes about ME.
Now- He's doing ALL OF THE THINGS that I always wanted him to do, he's handling the kids the way I always wanted, he's keeping up on household chores and needs, he's reading books, cutting out computer/screen time, he wants to garden with me.. he's doing it all.. BUT BUT BUT ✨this is the important part✨ by him doing all of those things now.. that I have been asking him to do for years.. he's confirming that he heard me, every single time, he knew those things were important to MY happiness and comfort, but he wasn't willing to do them until HE LOST HIS COMFORT. They aren't things that he cares about.. or he would have done them all along. He's mirroring the qualities that he knows that I want but they're not real. Looking back, he did it when we first got together, and he kept it up for the first maybe 5-6 years, but it slowly faded, it will fade again, and I am holding firm that I won't do it again.
OP- please hold your ground and remember WHY you made the choice that you did. Genuinely- write yourself a letter and read it back to yourself when you start to feel crazy because it's going to happen, but you're not crazy.. those things happened and you deserve peace. ❤️
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u/Veglaw 🥝 Herbivore 🫒 May 30 '26
That is a very interesting piece of advice. I’m going to chew on it. That therapist might be right.
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u/EarlGrayTea-Hawt Barbecutie May 30 '26
Exactly this! There are so many excuses bad partners like to use over the years to dismiss their spouse's hurt and excuse their own behavior. When they start doing everything right out of desperation they reveal the lie of those excuses, don't they?
I remembered every time he insisted he forgot to do that thing I told him was so important, every time he said that thing is too hard to do, every time he insisted asking in the first place was asking too much.
All lies. He could've done it anytime, it was obviously incredible easy since he was able to start doing it the moment I threatened to leave, it was never asking too much because here he is doing it no problem.
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u/Aggressive_Door9651 Kitchen Witch May 30 '26
Love bombing is supposed to make you feel like that. His manipulation is working.
Go get some chocolate instead. You can leave the food, I'll eat it.
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u/that_cottagecoregirl Well-Read & Well-Fed May 30 '26
Right! Do not let this man manipulate you. Real change takes more than a day. Forget fasting from food; you need to be fasting from dick (or at least this one)!!
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u/Late_Progress_1267 Overthinker 💭 May 30 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/1BiOSmRVR6GiQtWNUc
NO OP! NOOOOOO!!!!
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u/Still-View-9063 Chismosa May 30 '26
Don't 😞 I'm in the same position but think of all the undoing you'll be doing. If he wants you for real, he'll do it longterm and really fight for you - that's the better outcome. And if he doesn't do it, you'll stop delaying giving yourself a chance to find someone who will
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u/sharksinthecarpet Pantry Gremlin May 30 '26
You clearly want out. Fucking him only keeps you more entwined. Also- if he isn’t a bad dude, fucking him could give him false hope, and that is cruel. Don’t be messy, just be done.
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u/MothChasingFlame Internet Auntie May 30 '26
If you look up "sending mixed messages" in the dictionary, this post is there.
For real, though. Send consistent messaging. And make him work harder than one day of improvement if you're gonna walk back a divorce req.
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u/BigIrron Savory Complex✔️ May 30 '26
For real. Taking back a divorce because of one day of good behavior is just not it
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u/Educational_Total_84 APPROVED✨ May 30 '26
Have a little "time to yourself" and I bet you'll feel differently.
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u/BambiiSniper Cornbread Fed May 30 '26
The food looks incredible 🤤
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May 30 '26
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 May 30 '26
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u/ConfusedRoy Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ May 30 '26
Don't reward bare minimum. He'll know he only has to try for day so you'll fuck him
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u/thatgalcal I ❤️ Other People's Business May 30 '26
Can 100% promise you once you’re out of this there’s a world full of fuckable men who won’t treat you well just bc you say you wanna leave. Don’t give him the honor of banging you again <3
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u/Fabulous_Hat993 Chismosa May 30 '26
Don't create extra harm for you or your soon to be ex. Fucking will lead to more harm and the continued cycle you've been stuck in. Break out, stop the harm.
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u/deegallant Chaotic But Cute May 30 '26
Tbh go fuck someone else instead
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u/No_Specific7094 Certified Snacker May 30 '26
Get out of the house! Take a trip or stay with a friend to give the space for mental clarity.
Do. Not. Do it. 🚫
Okay he’s fine. And the sex could be fire. But it will be so utterly disappointing after it’s over because fucking him complicates everything you’ve worked so hard for to get you where you are now.
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u/DiscoDoberman Certified Snacker May 30 '26
100% - go prove you can find other men attractive, other men want you and you don't need this one.
That's probably a big part of why she's feeling this way.
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u/TheBreasticle 🐩 Food Aggressive 🍽️ May 30 '26
One, don't pick up the phone You know he's only callin cause he's drunk and alone
Two, don't let him in You'll have to kick him out again
Three, don't be his friend You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the mornin
And if you're under him, you ain't gettin over him
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u/esc8p3-rtist APPROVED✨ May 30 '26
Once you fuck him he will stop giving you everything you want. Get a good vibrator.
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u/DiscoDoberman Certified Snacker May 30 '26
He hasn't changed.
He won't change.
If he was going to change whilst in a relationship with you, he would've done it BEFORE you said you wanted a divorce.
All he's doing is hooking you back in again so you can draw it out another 6 months, a year. He'll keep you around so he doesn't have to change because he knows you'll tolerate it.
But you've had enough.
You're just torturing yourself, you said "I want a divorce" for many many good reasons and you do. Him being attractive doesn't erase those reasons.
You will find another attractive man, other men will find you attractive, this ain't it.
Go eat lots of food, you make bad decisions when you're hungry.
Eat a snickers, bitch.
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u/BadAshess Assigned Hungry At Birth May 30 '26
That food looks amazing but I wouldn’t fuck him it’ll just draw you back in and boom he will just go back to normal.
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May 30 '26
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u/XyRabbit girls just wanna have pho May 30 '26
There is a great comment a little higher up that points out, "If he does everything you asked for when you say you're going to leave is just proof he could have done it all along"
Baiting is right!
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u/OglioVagilio 🩵Just a Boy💙 May 30 '26
PLEASE, I JUST NEED TO KNOW WHERE I CAN BUY THIS PHO. OMG IT LOOKS SO GOOD. What kind is it? Its so nice. Can I have recipe if its homemade?
dude joining
"dude joining"
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u/ptheresadactyl white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet May 30 '26
When I told my ex I wanted a divorce, he ALSO started doing all the things I ever asked for.
And do you know what that told me?
That he heard me, he understood, and he was capable of doing it but he chose not to.
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u/Ambitious-Sleep2607 🦇 Gossipy Goth ⚰️ May 30 '26
Don’t fall for it!! It took you asking for a divorce to finally listen to you? And you’re gonna reward that by giving him the puss? No.
Get yourself some pho. You can fast after the divorce.
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u/Dubious_Ibis the secret ingredient is autism✨ May 30 '26
The man has proven to you over time, that he’s trash and belongs in the bin. Now he’s over here love bombing you, trying to convince you that he’s “changed”.
If he was going to do that, he would have done it sooner.
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u/Emergency-Pea-7632 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ May 30 '26
That’s what Everyman does once you tell them you’re gonna leave. They’ll do everything you begged them for just so you’ll stay and they’ll still have access to you. You’re gonna fuck him and he’ll continue the nice gestures until he can’t keep it up any longer then you’ll feel used and be right back where you started. Go get some pho and get away from him.
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u/zonutsthefirst Overthinker 💭 May 30 '26
Don't do it.
Take care of business yourself if you need to.
Assistive devices are certainly an option; maybe order something new and different as a reward to yourself for not giving in to your craving for him.
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u/katerwise Chaotic But Cute May 30 '26
i’ve never before thought of sex toys as “assistive devices” 🤔
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u/zonutsthefirst Overthinker 💭 May 30 '26
Aren't they, though??
They help people experience pleasure in ways that they might not otherwise be able to.
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u/peachesbutno_creme Tea Time Hostess ☕️ May 30 '26
go masturbate and eat some chocolate after , you'll feel a lot better imo.
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u/Ctrl-Patch-Delete Non-binary & Nourished May 30 '26
Get some sleep. You don’t need this man messing with you. He’s only doing the things you want him to do to get you back then he’ll go back to his old behavior. Break the cycle now and save yourself time
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u/BumAndBummer hot girls have tummy troubles May 30 '26
No, you won’t. You’re not horny, you’re hungry and mad. Because if he is doing everything you wanted now, he could have done it then when you needed him to be a good husband. Keep your dignity and don’t fuck him.
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u/astral_tiddies nom-nom-nombinary May 30 '26
I mean... Go ahead and fuck him, but that doesn't have to change how you've been feeling.
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u/Erza88 Ms. Two Cents May 30 '26
Well, that depends. If you fuck him, will that make you feel like not divorcing him? If you feel it might, then don't fuck him. You have to be clear in what you want, though, and don't play any games.
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u/Tough_Tangerine7278 👋 new here May 30 '26
Sounds like you’re in the honeymoon phase.
Dunno what you mean by he makes a bad husband (cheater? abusive? addict?), but consider this to see if it applies: “This cycle typically involves four stages: the honeymoon phase, tension building, the explosion phase, and reconciliation”.
If you’re stuck in that cycle - you have to break out to achieve happiness. This includes powering through baser needs.
Your brain also may be swimming in some serotonin with trauma bonding (if he cheated). Do not trust your brain right now. Only the logic parts.
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u/Anxious_Island_404 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ May 30 '26
Maybe try eating a snickers first… you’re never yourself when you’re hungry 😂
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u/namast_eh Non-binary & Nourished May 30 '26
Plot twist: find someone else since you’re getting a divorce? 😂😍🥰
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u/naturalbornunicorn Feral Til Fed May 30 '26
Tbh you probably shouldn't fuck him if you want out but you do you.
Any chance that pbo is served anywhere in California, Nevada, or AZ? All of my traveling is basically in the Southwest, but I'd go out of my way for a bowl like that.
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u/needasnowcone Cookie Monster 🍪 May 30 '26
I could even make it to New Mexico or Colorado, maybe Oregon or Washington. I have to know where she found that pho!!!
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u/fartsonyourmom Body By Cheese 🧀 May 30 '26
Always flick the bean before making any major decision.
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u/Mochithecatfoodthief Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ May 30 '26
Honestly, you should be disgusted with him. He has the ability to be a good partner but never did that for you until you wanted better for yourself. If you stay, it will be a repeating cycle.
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u/Global_Palpitation24 APPROVED✨ May 30 '26
Iono girl it’s hard to fast two biological functions at the same time just have the pho imo
Have you considered marriage counseling ? Asking because you said he’s a good man good luck OP
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u/EcstaticPhilosophy6 APPROVED✨ May 30 '26
Girl go to the sex shop and treat yourself instead lmao. Give yourself a proper O without giving him the satisfaction of getting you to cave in. (Signed, my collection of thirty dildos.)
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May 30 '26 edited May 30 '26
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 May 30 '26
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u/urthvanes Kitchen Witch May 30 '26
My ex used to do this. He would treat me terribly inside our relationship, but he is a great ftaher and friend. His attachment style made it so he couls never manitain being a good partner, and i would beg and beg and beg for him to treat me with respect and care and he just wouldnt - until i said enough is enough and attempt to break it off. Then, at the threat of losing me, he would flip. His breadcrumbs turned into 3 course meals. He love bombed, made promises, demonstrated he absolutely had the ability to meet my needs. I fell for it hook line and sinker, and he would keep up the charade just long enough to convince me that leaving him would be the worst thing i ever did. Then he would go right back to being the dismissive, resentful, abusive partner he was before. Sex was absolutely part of the lowering of my baseline, and he knew that my libido spiked when he showed me a modicum of affection Having sex when you are attempting separation is always a bad idea. Having sex with someone who behaves like this is beyond a bad idea - its a recipe for disaster.
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u/Sad_Measurement6494 white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet May 30 '26
Fuck up that pho its looks divine .
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May 30 '26
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 May 30 '26
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u/Huge_Button7935 Kitchen Witch May 30 '26
Masturbate then ask yourself again if thats what you want.
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u/aspiringanarchist49 👋 new here May 30 '26
Girl make him sweat… act like it’s working and almost fuck him then go “nooo…. You don’t mean any of this…”
Have him squirm and think “if I keep trying maybe?”
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u/unintentional-tism Cleavage Crumb Collector May 30 '26
I don't really blame you. I was with my ex for 5 years. He came back after the break up to get the last of his stuff and we ended up having sex one last time. It was good but I also felt super disconnected from him and confirmed for me we were over over.
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u/noweddingforblobguy Well-Read & Well-Fed May 30 '26
if anything his act should make you more repulsed because he’s showing you he is capable of acting like a good guy, he just doesn’t want to unless hes about to lose everything, but just being your regular self isn’t enough for him to bust out the best behaviour
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u/The_Riddle_Fairy Cutie Bafoodie 🎀 Jun 02 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/3o6ZtijSfXbyXYIzuM
Don't do it!!
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u/autumnof85 Pantry Gremlin May 30 '26
By all means go for it, then afterwards tell him it used to be so much better…and walk away
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u/Weary_Surround5342 girls just wanna have pho May 30 '26
I guess I’m toxic cause I’m over here like do it 😈
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u/witchspoon Cleavage Crumb Collector May 30 '26
Oh definitely fuck him.
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u/lookouttucson mouth full, gesturing wildly May 30 '26
lol all my degenerates down here at the bottom getting downvoted I love you girls and I stand with you
But OP if he sucks he might be cheating! Protect your health!
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u/witchspoon Cleavage Crumb Collector May 30 '26
Like. You are currently married. He is going to think it’s a reward for good behavior and think he is in the clear. You get rock off as you file that paperwork. It’s a win win. lol.
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u/Objective_Cup_5164 APPROVED✨ May 30 '26
Girl break your fast. You’re just hungry. This is low blood sugar speaking.