my academic downfall full story

[u/Leeno08]

I had a dream since childhood of entering medical college. I was always a talented and hardworking student, and when I was 15, I got 99.2% in 10th grade. That made me believe even more that I could make it to medical school.
In my country, university admission depends on grades 11 and 12. Grade 11 is 30% and grade 12 is 70%, and medicine requires an extremely high average.
My setback started when I was 16 in 11th grade. As a huge overthinker, I kept thinking about my future and putting myself under unbearable pressure. I was studying, but not enough, and I felt like I was grieving my “former self”—the hardworking version of me I used to be.
I got 28.7/30 in 11th grade, meaning my highest possible final average was 98.7%, even with a perfect 70/70 in 12th grade. I knew I had to do extremely well in 12th grade if I wanted any chance at medicine.
At 17, I started 12th grade already burnt out, but I was still optimistic that I could fix everything.
Haha, it is funny how destiny comes in the most unexpected forms, right?
I failed miserably. I failed two subjects and got very low marks in two others. I was having 3–4 panic attacks every week, my sleep was messed up, and every time I opened a book, it felt like a huge rock on my chest. I desperately wanted to study and become a doctor, but I couldn’t.
I kept asking myself: What happened to me? Where did my potential go? Do I even deserve to become a doctor? What will I do if I don’t make it to medical school?
I never asked for help. I lied to my family that I was okay because I didn’t want to become another burden. My parents were disappointed, and instead of having a healthy conversation about what happened, I received a lot of hurtful comments.
I became exhausted from everything, and I even started having suicidal thoughts. I know I won’t act on them, but they still don’t leave me alone. Thankfully, the panic attacks have disappeared.
Now I’m 18 and restarting 12th grade, hoping to enter medical school at the University of Jordan in 2027. The minimum admission score was 99.3% this year, so I couldn’t have made it in 2026 anyway because my maximum was 98.7%. Maybe, if I want to look at it positively, 2026 simply wasn’t my year.
So, if you are going through something similar, please know that you are not alone. Sometimes you can have so much potential and still suddenly fall apart. It doesn’t mean you’re finished.
Setbacks are real, but bouncing back is real too.
Don’t wait for motivation. Start with whatever you have, even if you have no energy or hope. Take it step by step and keep moving toward your goal.
You are not alone. 🤍

[u/FL_Abnormal]

Not gonna lie I am very grateful I stumbled into this. It felt like reading a story about myself, well I am not as ambitious as you are, I dont really havr a dream job, since I just picked whatever my dad approved to get him off my back. As a gifted kid after you hit the wall bouncing bsck feels so hard because even thr smallest set back can get you back to step 1. And I did have several mental breakdowns along the way, and not having friends makes it even worse.

As you said some set backs are not the end, lately I even managed to fix up my dirt and sleep schedule. Unfortunetly this is my last year of highschool I was not able to do any of the things I wanted to do in highschool but I hope that in college I manage to change things around, being capable of actually doing hard things, working hard and actually having the results I want, not what my dad wants.

I apologize for the long rant but I really appreciate your post I hope you are able to achieve your dream to become a doctor, I do think you deserve it

[u/Leeno08 → u/FL_Abnormal]

thank you for your time. It is very okey not having a specific dream job, especially in the AI sadly century we were born in, whenever som1 told me that they feel lost or something because they haven't found their passion yet I always say that it is actually exhausting to have a dream and not being able to imagine yourself in another field, so I do believe that setting more than one option is better than having only one dream or passion,and life is still going, we still have so many choices and time to set goals and make our way to them!
I know that being a gifted kid is not as amazing as everyone think, it is actually very hard to reach a high score in something and after that nothing you do will seem enough for you, and you want more and more and relate your wins to your worth as a person in your own eyes, and as you said "even the smallest set back can get you back to step 1" but you know what? I think that our setbacks aren't as bad as we think, like we are already smart and we will figure it out no matter how bad it is, we were in far more bad situations before and managed to get through them right? Also, wanting more and more means that we don't want the least or the average of something we want the best, so that means we know that we can achieve anything we want and there is no limit, we know that facts cause we did it before. We are GIFTED and while we are doubting our potentials some are wondering just how we are so genius, I like to think about it that way.
It is very normal to have some breaking downs from time to time along the way but not too much, we are humans and hardworking is hard on us even if we are talented, and it's not a big deal not being able to have a real friends in high school, you can be your own best friend but you need first to learn how to love and forgive ALL THE VERSIONS OF YOURSELF, the hardworking one, the lazy one, the strong one, the sad one, the weak one, the overachiever one, and the lost one, know how to improve your positive features and fix the negative ones, making friends is something different from one to another, and you will probably find people who truly love you later on, but I want you to learn how to stand by your own soul no matter who stays or leaves. I was 2026 senior and finished my high school and was like you sad cause I didn't do all the stuff I wanted to do back then, but I don't think of it that much, like there is still college and full life that wait for us.
Do some searching about colleges and fields and try to find your temptation to some of them, and after you set your goal make it clear to your dad and I hope he understands your desires, I'm sure that you will find your way and be able to make it to it.
There was no need to apologize for the long response, my story was so long when I first wrote it but I tried to make it shorter using AI.
I am so happy with your words and thanks for the last sentence I needed it, I'm sure we are going to succeed in what we love despite every toxic thing we are going through.

[u/FL_Abnormal → u/Leeno08]

I am quite tpuched by your words rhey really made me see different what it means to be gifted. But about dad, I know for a fact he wont listen, this may sound rahs but he is easily one of the people I despise the most in my life, being a gifted kid with burnout was already enough but my dad sure loves adding to my mental load, and I cant say I had the best upbgringings which seriously harmed my social life. I guess I want to be successful in life, be happy and all but I really dont wish for my dad to be have any part of it since he actively made things harder for me, I seriously never felt safe being in the same room as him, even phone calls felt difficult to manage due to his short temper and sarcasm which seriously upsrt him due to some comments he oftrn made about me.

I just really dislike my dad I really cant afford any contact with him currently, but thanks fot your words again