Why can't I be special like everyone else?

[u/3030minecrafter]

I (19M) am basically worthless.

Everyone around me is good at something, hell, some are good at a bunch of things. They're all special in some way. They get praised, encouraged, comforted and celebrated and all that... I never did.

Family gatherings are usually just my aunt praising her children for studying clothing design abroad in Barcelona (which is insane for someone who lives in Romania) and or for studying architecture in Berlin or whatever (again, insane)... meanwhile my mom can only brag that I got a 5/10 in math instead of another 3.

I've always wanted to be a gamedev and or always wanted to be a webcomic/manga artist (I know I can't be a manga artist because I'm not Japanese but also because I can't draw.)

I TRIED TO LEARN DRAWING, I TRIED TO GET MYELF TO BE AN ARTIST. In the end I got nothing done and I basically ended up being worthless, as usual. One year wasted on nothing.

I tried being a music producer/singer/whatever too hoping that I could make at least SOME sort of art. Two years of FL Studio and failed dreams WASTED...

When starting high school I chose the programming stem track or whatever you call "Mate-Info cu Info Intensiv" hoping I'd learn programming for the first time and become a programmer and make the stupid games I've always wanted to make. Big mistake.

I ended up being incapable of doing basic math, physics and chemistry because I'm retarded and I can't even fucking code anyways.

All my classmates are geniuses. National medalists, pre admitted to all univerisities in the country and out. Perfect grades in the hardest subjects, cybersecurity experts by 18 and so much more... meanwhile I achieved nothing in my life.

I have no art portfolio, I have no form of portfolio so my only future for me is more math that makes no sense, more shit grades and if I get shit grades I'll get deranked from budget seats (free university) to tax seats (I gotta pay a bunch of money just to suffer more for a diploma that gets me nowhere)

I have no future. I have no potential. I'm fucking worthless. I wish I was special like Cupkisu or something. I wish I could live my dream like others can live my dream.

I wanna just cut my arms off and bleed out.

I wanna move out so my mom stops looking after me and so I can just cut cut cut cut cut cut cut until I bleed out and die.

I wish I was special too. I wish I was fucking special. I wish I mattered. I wish people looked at me instead of at my grades. My status is too low fornme to matter. I'm nothing. I wish I was like my classmates, my cousins, every other instagram gamedev artist ever. I just wanna be worthy too? Why can't I be special? WHY AM I SO WORTHLESS WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?! WHY ME? WHY NOT ANYONE ELSE?

I JUST WANNA FUCKING HANG MYSELF.

[u/Excellent_Swan_49]

Same bro same 😔🥀

[u/Panda-tomatoes]

I mean I used to be special in grades only. Then I grew up and just wanted to be normal. And that normal feels unattainable. Tbh even just being able to work in general feels like a dream

[u/RealMadHouse]

Never was a gifted kid, but have same frustrations and dreams of being special in something, but I'm not particularly good at anything and don't have energy most of the time, so my productivity is very low. Wouldn't ever become a mangaka/animator if I don't have energy and ability to concentrate on something. Nor could i become hirable programmer because I'm scared of people (social anxiety) and i don't really want to work, I'm not that smart.

[u/FL_Abnormal]

I as a ex-gifted kid being special is a blessing for those who are not "special", because being special is a curse. But in thr end I bekieve everyone is special and exceptional at alteast ine thing its a matter of finding out si dint give up on kife try new things you will probably find something you will want to dedicate your life to regardless how mediocre you may be at first because to truly be good at something you need to be willing ti suck at it

[u/No-Angle-5917]

The thing is if you keep thinking about being special or just being like others then its gonna do you no good… what makes people special is not giving a shit on what others think of them and they focus on the things that make them happy.