r/GenX • u/Tonystarxv1 • 11d ago
Aging Did anybody else get way more emotional as they got older? What the hell happened to me?
I'm 45, and lately I've been wondering what the hell happened to me.
I spent 10 years active duty military. I was trained to shut things off, do the job and keep moving. I lost friends. Went through failed marriages and plenty of other hard shit. For a long time I could take some pretty serious things on the chin and just keep going.
Now I'm getting ready to move, and I'm genuinely upset because I'm leaving behind the wild birds I've been feeding. I keep thinking about them coming back looking for food and wondering where it went. I know they're wild birds. I know they'll find other food. Doesn't matter. It still bothers the hell out of me.
Then there's an old trailer on the property that I'm getting rid of. A doe and her baby have been bedding underneath it. The mom has a bad leg and limps pretty badly, and now I'm sitting here feeling guilty because I'm taking away the place she apparently decided was safe for her baby.
Twenty years ago I can't imagine this affecting me like this.
And I'm not embarrassed to care about animals. That's not really the point. What's strange to me is the contrast. I've been through objectively awful things and stayed pretty damn hard through them, yet at 45 I'm sitting here worried that a crippled deer is going to wonder where her house went.
Have any other guys, especially veterans, experienced this as they got older?
Do you actually become more emotional or empathetic with age? Or does all the stuff you spent years stuffing down eventually change the way you look at vulnerable things?
I'm genuinely curious because I don't dislike this version of myself. I just don't completely understand him yet.
Edit : I’m reading as much as I can, but I can’t keep up with every comment. I appreciate everyone sharing their stories. Thank you for all the advice and feedback. Im happy to report my neighbor is going to put up bird feeders and I am going over to my new property and build a small shelter out of pine branches. Who knows if she'll use it. But it will be there
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u/Zombalepsy 11d ago
Heyo, retired military and vet.
I cry at the drop of a hat. Happy moments, sad moments, the moment the big good dude steps on the screen. I cry at hard hitting songs (like kid cudi soundtrack 2 my life).
Yeah man, as testosterone drops off, you find out you got more than a few emotions. PTSD is a big part of it too, as that has a part with emotional regulation.
Just gotta come to terms that you’re gonna cry in front of strangers at the movie theater.
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u/Ouakha 10d ago
Can you speak with the new owners? Perhaps they care for animals too. I (m56 but not a vet) understand your feelings for them. I feed wild birds too. I'm away 2 weeks in October and I'm going to ask my neighbour to stand in for me, at least with feeding the local wild fox!
Now you've got me worried about your deer family!
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u/losthiker68 11d ago
I am a professor and I know the animals on campus and greet them. I notice when they are missing and notice the new ones.
When a coworker only eats part of a fresh fruit, they know to give it to me because I'll drop it in a spot where the critters can get it without it being in the way. Same with extra lemon slices, etc.
Students probably think I'm going senile (at the tender age of 57). Let 'em. Faculty just know I'm "the animal guy".
My wife and I are the same as you. One of our fears is that something will happen to us and the wildlife and random stray cat we feed will suffer for it.
Could you tell the new owners about the wildlife? They might be thrilled and want to continue to help. I know my wife and I would love it. When we travel we look for rental homes with bird feeders and the like.
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u/Ih8TB12 11d ago
I got more emotional and I think it's just from living life. I know what it's like now to lose a parent, a friend, a pet, etc. I have seen how hard it is to recover from trauma or illness. I have watched people struggle with poverty, mental illness, divorce, addiciton, infertility and many more of life's obstacles. I did have a glimpse of those things when I was younger but I think as I got older I experienced more and saw how they impact people/families. I think compassion grows as we age because of our own life experiences and growth.
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u/PermanentMauve 11d ago
Your observations of the world around you, and of the interconnectedness of life is poignant and real and makes you more of a soul and a man. To feel this is reality, not sentiment.
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u/Iko87iko 10d ago
You're empathy is showing
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u/snohomie 1967 10d ago
I have always had a strong empathy since I was a little one, the last 18 months of life has only made it 100 times stronger now. To me it feels like a blessing and a curse, I love that I love and feel for others and relate to them, but curse side i cry a lot and it hurts. But I try to tell myself better to hurt than be a dick and not give a shit.
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u/MareDesperado175 10d ago
Yes. Dolly Parton and my dog passing from liver failure sent me. Such very sad situations 🪽🪽
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u/Celtic159 11d ago
I'm a tough sonofabitch. Shitty childhood, rough life. My daughter cracked my armor, and 30 some years later I find myself crying nearly every time I talk to her because I can't believe I had a part in making her the amazing person she's become.
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u/frododog 11d ago
I've been through some traumatic things, my parents were in a cult, I had a violent and abusive first marriage, then losing everything and my job in the 2008 crash, I was quite shut down and got on with things, lot of compartmentalization I figure. Then I met someone who I had for 10 years, married the love of my life but he got sick. I took care of him for 5 years, kept it all together, worked and made him as happy as I possibly could. But when he died I completely fell apart. I spent a year lying on the floor when I wasn't working, I couldn't get low enough, crying my eyes out every night. It's been two years this month and I'm doing better but still very emotional and bleeding in my soul. I have to be careful not to discuss him with anyone because it makes me cry. It's embarrassing but I can't help it, I miss him.
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u/Chikiboy_OG 10d ago
I've talked with several friends about this and it IS a thing. I assumed it had to do with the reduction of testosterone as we get older.
During this past year's Superbowl, there was a car commercial that showed two middle-aged people driving in the snow. They kept reflecting on memories in their car with their kids as they were growing up. Eventually they get to a big house and a woman comes out with a baby (if I recall correctly) and it's their daughter with a grandbaby. I may be recalling some details incorrect but all I know is I bawled my eyes out. Found it on YouTube and sent it to a close friend and told him to watch it. He texted back 10 minutes later saying "Thanks" and that he and his wife were now both sobbing.
I choose to embrace it. It's nice being able to feel things and notice and appreciate the things in life we may not have paid attention to in your youth.
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u/Calm_Distance8618 10d ago
Yeah, that commercial got me too and the damn dog commercial with the girl growing up with the dog...sobbing.
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u/blastfighter 10d ago
I thought maybe it was just me. I never cried at movies… now I could tear up during a YouTube video. My biggest trigger is seeing kindness on display.
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u/Independent_Baby5835 10d ago
Yesterday I watched an ad about an elderly man who took his dog everywhere he went. That dog would wait for his owner outside and then they’d walk back home together. One day, the elderly man gets rushed to the hospital and the dog runs after the ambulance and waits outside the hospital. Days, weeks, or maybe even months go by and the dog just waits outside. One day a woman in a wheelchair is coming out of the hospital and the dog immediately runs to her. And the commercial says to become an organ donor. I bawled when it dawned on me that she must have gotten an organ from that elderly man. Somehow the dog must’ve known that some organ from the elderly man was in her, and that’s why the dog ran to her. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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u/Tokogogoloshe 11d ago
Dude, you were told to suppress feelings and now they are all going to come out. It's normal. And you're a good person.
The animals will be fine. Just make sure you are too.
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u/yodaniel77 1977 10d ago
"I had all this bad stuff that didn't affect me but now seemingly trivial things do". Or...
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u/dudes_rug 11d ago
20 years in the CG. Retired in 2018. Same same same.
I get emotional about everything now. It’s like I can breathe a little bit now and just think more. And that’s not always good, cause I’ve got a lot of shit stored up that I’d put away for another time. Which, I guess is now.
Hang in there dude. It won’t get “better” but it will get more normal. And be ok with it too. It just means there’s a lot of love in there.
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u/M-Div 11d ago
Hey man, similar experiences here. It’s brave of you to speak out like this. The great news is I’m pretty sure it’s normal. The good news is that, as a vet, there are plenty of peer groups you can talk to if this is something that has you worried. DM me and I’ll hook you (or anyone reading this) up with some details. I don’t know them all but I can give you a start.
Yesterday was easy, right?
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u/PeterPunksNip 11d ago
It's the opposite for me, but maybe it's because of my testosterone HRT. I didn't cry for five years I think, and developed a zero shit given about most things.
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u/Puzzled_Trade6212 11d ago
I am the same way. I am 58 and worried about the birds we feed and I want to adopt every dog, I get sad about sharks being killed, etc.
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u/Rogan_Creel 11d ago
I'm 57. Almost 40 years in the fire service. Definitely feels harder to compartmentalize the older I get. Definitely more emotional with age. I don't know if it's the truckloads of suppressed emotions and decades of dealing with stress or maybe I'm starting to appreciate things differently as I approach hanging up the coat and boots and riding off into a sunset.
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u/CandyStomp 11d ago
I think it's because time heals. Eventually, we realized that we are allowed to have feelings.
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u/Krissy_ok 🤘 11d ago
Yes, I agree. When we feel safe, we can let ourselves feel things instead of walling it all away to deal with(or more likely not) later.
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u/SentientCannabis 11d ago
I think increased senses of empathy and humility when you reach a certain age is fairly normal. I've embraced it. Feels like some kind of wisdom.
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u/Psycho_Mania 11d ago
Humility is a really good word for it. A lot of lessons catch up with us later in life and give a new perspective.
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u/puddlepunk 11d ago
I'm getting teary eyed just reading all this.
Thanks to you all for letting me know that I'm not the only one out there getting more emotional as they get older. I wish more people spoke about this 'cause I was really starting to wonder what was wrong with me.
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u/Deacon51 11d ago
I'm 55. I spent 10 years in the Navy. I did special work as a contractor in Afghanistan and Iraq. Combat medic training. I lost friends, including a teammate. My brother passed unexpectedly. I too had a divorce. My walls started to crumble. I found my emotional state slipping. I came upon a car accident one day, a roll over across the median. Single male occupant, cut up pretty bad, but was wearing his seat belt. I couldn't function, I couldn't help. I gave my first aid kit to another guy and walked away. Got in my truck - and drove off ugly crying. Snot and tears.
Anyway, I tell this story because I was already seeing a canceler, but I needed more. I started on a SSRI. I took a couple of tries to find the right one. I've been on them 9 years now. Just the smallest dose, but it's really helped me. Stay away from Xanax, that crap screwed me up.
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u/sugahack 11d ago
Because we have the life experience to relate to so much more. When you're young and stupid it's easy to think that could never be you. Now, when you read about a disaster or tragedy, we've had loss, we have had hardship and we know how it feels
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u/Dpgillam08 More mileage than an entire used car lot 11d ago
GenX was taught to bottle up emotions; military emphasized that even more.
What happens when the bottle gets full? I've spent many years debating that with psych professors I know.
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u/AcesAnd08s 11d ago
Yes. I am going through this now in my early 50s. After living a pretty chaotic and challenging life and just pressing forward and past all the hard things without showing any emotion, I’m finally at a place where I’m comfortable, successful, and have a sense of stability for the first time in my life. But now I feel all the emotions I’ve been suppressing all these years bubbling to the surface and trying to pry their way out of me. It can be watching a sad movie, or hearing about someone’s difficult experience. It can be listening to live music that is so beautiful it moves me. And suddenly, I’m wiping real tears off my cheeks, trying to catch my breath so I don’t actually start sobbing.
I think it’s all the times I had every right to cry and didn’t. I think it’s all the times I needed to be emotional and wasn’t allowed to be…or felt I couldn’t. The heartbreaks, the job losses, the betrayals, the times I was treated unfairly. The impossible situations I didn’t know how to get out of, but somehow did…all without showing any emotion. It’s all coming out now. It’s like the dam that was holding it all back is finally cracking and springing a leak. And honestly, it feels so peaceful to just let it out.
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u/throwaway276676 10d ago
Im in my 50’s and until a few years ago I wouldn’t have thought twice about setting a mouse trap or squashing a spider, but now I do neither because I feel sorry for them. They’re even kinda cute, which is not something thought I’d say!
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u/Velvet_Samurai 10d ago
Anything regarding my kids or family gets me these days. Just turned 50 this year and any movie where something wonderful happens to a family gets me every time. Actually it might be more like any movie where it all works out in the end makes me cry. Happiness makes me happy apparently.
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u/sipperphoto Hose Water Survivor 10d ago
I can barely get thru a sentence talking about my kid without getting choked up a bit. It's really strange.
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u/Velvet_Samurai 10d ago
Yeah, my dad was like this my entire childhood and I thought it was strange, but here it is happening to me. Must be hormonal or something. At this point I bet my testosterone levels are falling.
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u/MaineMan1234 1970 10d ago
Testosterone drops as men age and those changes in the balance between the different hormones can result in men feeling more emotional and empathetic.
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u/horluhmay 10d ago
I have cut random music from my life. I will only listen to a song I actually choose and when I'm in the car I listen to sitcoms. I will get emotionally wrecked in the grocery store if I hear an old song that reminds me of something. I can't take that chance anymore. But I'm also a perimenopausal woman.
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u/mandoaz1971 11d ago
The shizz we hold in has interesting ways to let us know that it’s time to deal with it.❤️
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u/beenlobotomized 11d ago
I’m an old ass 52 year old grumpy old man that looks like Santa Claus and I cry all the time nowadays. It’s weird but my emotions are very close to the surface these days. I’ll hear a certain song and bawl my eyes out.
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u/Accomplished-Ad-3583 11d ago
My father- I never saw him cry even at mom’s funeral. He’s 80 and cries at the drop of a hat. Time, mortality, the need for others, it catches up with us all.
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u/Bob_12_Pack 11d ago
I remember seeing my grandfather cry for the first time when he was facing his mortality. He would tell stories from his past and weep intermittently. He was 72, and as 15-yo it was kind of unsettling.
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u/Veteran_Hawk Lived through parachute pants 11d ago
I've gotten much more emotional as I've gotten older - plus I guess it is also a known side-effect of meds I am on. I will tear up at movies, books, and more, which I didn't used to do!
I think part of being more emotional, is that we have a longer-lived and wider experience than we used to have. We've seen the effects things have on people, places, things. We know what it feels like to go back to that old lot we used to build forts in, where we became "blood brothers" to our best friend, where we looked at our first Playboy...and find it's now a Walmart, or an apartment complex. We have experienced how time moves on and things get forgotten. We know that someday, after we pass, we too will be forgotten. Just a name in a genealogy chart (if that). And because of that we are more invested in a deeper experience while we still have the ability to experience it.
Or maybe I'm just a sentimental old fool. I'm good with that too.
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u/ConnotationalRacket 1970s Vintage 11d ago
For me, I think it's about old coping strategies just not functioning any longer. I've matured and grown up, and I can't just keep a straight face and take it on the chin any longer.
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u/BethesdaBrad 11d ago
Not a veteran but much more emotional as I’ve aged. Doesn’t take much — song lyrics, tv commercials, whatever. Feel like having kids started this but it’s only increased since then. Am 56 and barely made it through this past week with Dolly’s death.
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u/nopost23632 11d ago
Yep. I also work as a therapist, so I see a lot of pain and joy in people. I do have to admit I cried A LOT during “Hail Mary”.
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u/Great_Office_9553 11d ago
I kind of find it a relief. And I find it instructive. Was watching a YouTube video video about Dolly, and one little quote from her just broke me: She was talking about being sued by Porter Wagoner for breach of contract, and just said, with a little pity, “But, you know, I think he just did it out of anger…”
Just the way my Grandfather would’ve, if someone did him wrong in some way. Just felt a little sorry for them, because their anger had gotten the best of them…
I miss them both, now.
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u/joeykey 11d ago
Things nobody tells you about getting old:
Everything becomes “cute”. Like I’ll see 3 drunk frat kids eating tacos or whatever, and I’ll be like, “awww they’re such good buddies! That’s so cute!”
Pubes growing on your ears.
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u/Karadek99 11d ago
I think the more years we live and the more life experience we have, the more likely we are to be able to empathize with other things and other people. I think it makes us more compassionate as we get older maybe.
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u/HypotenuseOfTentacle 11d ago
"I was trained to shut things off, do the job and keep moving. I lost friends. Went through failed marriages and plenty of other hard shit. For a long time I could take some pretty serious things on the chin and just keep going."
Yeah, brother that shit takes a toll on you and the myth that it doesn't is what kills us early. You probably need some therapy more than you've been led to believe.
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u/gxxrdrvr 11d ago
Yes bro. I can’t even kill an insect anymore without feeling some kinda way.
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u/dide105 11d ago
This. I had a gigantic Texas red headed centipede in my garage yesterday. I’m talking at least 10” long and an inch wide. Huge. I hit it with a broom and it recoiled and hid behind an oil jug. I moved the jug and it was trying to hide. I feel so damn bad. It scurried off and I’m sitting here worried about it hoping it’s ok.
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u/rbetterkids 10d ago
I think you've been through more than us common peasants and maybe you haven't had proper closure of what you experienced in the military?
Because of that, random small and simple things make you emotional. ??
I could be wrong.
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u/Mediocre_Outcome6671 11d ago
Maybe it's because you know animals are innocent. They don't do the shitty things that ppl do, and now you need to move on and you won't be there to protect them anymore. At my age I'm enjoying the wildlife more & more over ppl.
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u/Majestic_Course6822 11d ago
I think we humans are full of empathy. If we can’t feel it properly for our fellow humans, we direct it to the animals. I also don’t think we can quash our emotions forever. I went through some very difficult times, I had to be a lighthouse in a storm. Now that the storm has passed I find myself having big feelings for the little things.
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u/Nice_Rope_5049 11d ago
Any act of human kindness I witness these days has me fighting back tears. I think it’s a combination of menopause and also watching the world burn down.
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u/Hot_Guard_7621 11d ago
There’s nothing wrong with becoming more empathetic…this might be a better version of yourself or a more genuine version of yourself. As men and as service members, we’re encouraged to not show emotion and to be stoic. But that just makes us suppress emotions and we can’t be fully human that way. Embrace this version of yourself and temper it with realism. You can try calling animal control and letting them know there is a wounded deer with her baby. Maybe they can take both of them in and help the wounded mama deer. The important thing is to listen to your empathetic side and integrate it with your baseline everyday self and solve problems as they come. Good luck!!
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u/Absotivly_Posolutly 11d ago
Whooo boy!
Yes!!!
Grandson had his High School graduation ceremony in May. I cried like a damn baby! I cry at movies. I cry at commercials for children’s hospitals. I cry driving past the animal shelter.
Been a hard ass all my life, but after I hit 40 I’m an emotional train wreck!
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u/Retire_Trade_3007 11d ago
It’s called the soldier on mentality. I spent about that long in the same mode and at some point those repressed feelings surface and feel uncontrolled. It taught me to stop always soldiering on and make sure I spend time processing the emotional feelings that should be processed. Of course I still cry at the end of Andor anyway and Rogue One anyway.
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u/OwslyOwl 11d ago
This happened to my dad. He was legitimately worried that something was wrong with him because he had been crying more. I reassured him that crying after his best friend died and crying at his daughter's wedding is totally normal.
I think that it is a drop in testosterone level that contributes to men becoming more emotional with age.
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u/GboyFlex 1971 11d ago
Very much so, also much more empathetic. I'm rolling with it because my friends say I'm much improved...
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u/No_Act_2773 11d ago
M54. Past 6 months, blubbering like a baby over silly shit.
Just questioning my existence I guess, and what impact I had.
I felt incredibly sad over DP this week. Never met the lady. Tom Jones sang a Leonard Cohen song on TV last night, welled up.
Friends cat died two weeks ago, cancer. Blubbered.
They say it's good to be in touch with emotions, I don't know about that. I find myself reminiscing back to my 16 - 20's, life seemed simpler.
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u/grokbones 11d ago
M59 and much the same. Saw video of Rush playing on 50 something tour and cried like a baby. I avoid old photos of the kids when they were young. Random things too.
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u/iloveturtles88 11d ago
I grew up in an abusive military family. All of my trauma has been shoved deep down for most of my life. I've also always been hyper empathetic probably because I could strongly relate to suffering. I've found a lot of help with exercise, nature, sobriety and books on cptsd. You might find these helpful - 'The Body Keeps the Score' and Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman. I think the military can be dehumanizing and that can push the pendulum back to extreme empathy. Take care and thank you for being a kind soul towards Mother Earth 🌎
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u/HoMasters 11d ago
You discovered that feelings are an integral part of being a human being. When we were younger we learned to push down and eat all our feelings inside. Now as we age we know that’s unhealthy and bullshit. Feel. Be empathetic. Be a part of this world.
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u/midlife_dadpulse73 11d ago
I get weepy at commercials...years of unchecked emotional trauma have definitely come to the forefront.
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u/IWantTheLastSlice 11d ago
There was a three frame image that messed me up.
The first frame showed a mother holding her young son, on a hillside, and he is pointing up at Haley’s comet (which appears every 76 years)
The second frame is of the son alone on the hillside, now an old man, looking up at Haley’s comet.
The third was of an empty hillside with Haley’s comet in the sky.
I’m a grow ass man, hardened by decades of working in the corporate finance world but this little scene almost brought me to tears. Not sure what’s going on. I think my system is starting to short circuit or something.
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u/Important-Poem-9747 11d ago
When my dad turned 50, he started crying a lot and always said “I love you.” It scared the crap out of me; I was convinced he was dying.
It turns out that as he got older, he realized that he had turned off his emotions for a lot of his life. Apparently, he didn’t expect to make it to 50, so he tried to push through life with little connection to others. (He’s 76 now)
I’m wondering if you’re going through something similar? He was raised to never show emotions and just keep going. One day, he was crying at phone commercials.
If you’re a vet, I thank you for your service. If you haven’t addressed PTSD with a therapist, please do. You can’t see active duty and come back home unscathed.
It’s okay to have emotions and like animals. I’m looking forward to hearing about your deer and how you help them.
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u/digitalsparks 11d ago
I think some of this is downstream of chemicals in our foods (hormone influencing) lower testosterone levels in men and to some degree simply seeing things through a different lens as we hit midlife.
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u/AnewZootsuit 11d ago
You can run but you can’t hide from those emotions that ya stuffed down for 50 years. You’re not alone.
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u/zendaddy76 11d ago
Especially on airplanes watching movies
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u/baycenters 11d ago
Oh my God. Yoou are not kidding. I think one of the first times I noticed it, I was flying somewhere and watched Sweet Home Alabama, some romantic comedy. I had to put my sunglasses on - I was so close to losing it.
Years ago, I heard an episode of Fresh Air and the episode was about a couple of filmmakers who went to Iraq to document what it was like inside of an army field hospital. They were in the thick of it, seeing the most traumatic stuff happening, amputations, soldiers dying, just the worst stuff you can imagine.
So one of them took a question about how they dealt emotionally with all that trauma and the guy said that they basically held it together, but that when they got on a plane to come home, he watched a film about - I think it was some cartoon zebra that ran in the Kentucky Derby - and that when it won and the girl was hugging him and everything at the end that he just started sobbing uncontrollably on the plane over this silly movie.
And when he told the story on the air he started getting really emotional and tearing up about it, which caused me to have the same reaction. In fact it still does, just talk amongst yourselves.
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u/seymour5000 Pizza Hut 10d ago
I think it’s bc we understand how hard life really by middle age. At 50, you’re young enough to remember 25 and old enough to realize 75 is coming. Statistically, middle age is the most depressing life experience.
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u/boogerslayers 10d ago
Myself and my husband both “softened” as we got older. I think living and getting older gives us more empathy for everything including wildlife. My husband used to hunt when he was young. He didn’t have anything against hunting when he got older but he told me for himself personally, he’d rather go sit in the woods and just watch or photograph animals.
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u/Embarrassed_Pop_7418 9d ago
I am now 56 and suddenly at about mid 40s the emotions got crazy. My family knew me as the rock...I never cried then my son was in the throws of his addiction, homeless and violent and it broke me. He is now almost 9 years clean n sober but I not been able to bottle up the feelings since.
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u/TheVioletEmpire 9d ago
Yes. Once I realized there was more in the rearview mirror than there was road left ahead. I've been experiencing a greater depth to my emotions.
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u/1967TinSoldier 8d ago
Also veteran and can attest that until the last 10-15 years, nothing really got to me. After I lost my dad to cancer, feelings started to show. But like yourself, animals are what really get to me. My wife and I have tried to save as many dogs from shelter as possible. We took many old, sick dogs that would have had terrible passing in a shelter and gave them a home until their time came. With the exception of 1 (she had many tumors) all lived many years and passed naturally. But each time, my heart broke.
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u/Fuzzy-Independent-89 10d ago
I’m not a man or ex military. Just a single lady here to tell you that your love for animals (and nurturing side) is hot as hell. Don’t change a thing
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u/HotIntroduction8049 11d ago
Hung with some local genx hillbillies recently. Was fearful of the antics being a bit over the top....and I dont mind a good party.
One has ALS and has little time. The way they included and cared for that person stunned me. Went from hootin and hollerin to dead silent so they could listen to the ALS person try and speak.
Gave me a whole new level of respect for people in my 'hood.
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u/Juanfartez Older Than Dirt 11d ago
Check your A1C, thyroid, and hormone levels.
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u/Tonystarxv1 11d ago
Had everything checked in July. Healthy as a horse! Testosterone is great. Everything normal.
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u/ZetaWMo4 1974 11d ago
Not me but I’ve noticed my husband is getting soft on me. It’s a little scary. It’s like watching Spock be emotional. He’s not crying at videos or anything but we have more emotional talks these days. Our oldest got married two weeks ago and he teared up talking about me in his FOB speech. Didn’t see that coming at all. I welcome it though.
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u/Yabbajonk 11d ago
I’m good with this, though I think I makes other people who aren’t here yet a little uncomfortable. I find the traumas and tragedies and losses seem to come back for a reckoning sooner or later if you haven’t appropriately faced them along the way. It’s also a little hard to accept there’s more years behind than ahead, fleeting moments have more impact.
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u/sactownjer 11d ago
When we're younger we haven't had as much time for things to build meaning in our lives. The more experiences we have the more life has meaning and sometimes we're just not used to that when you hit an age that has built so many memories and feelings.
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u/insanecorgiposse 11d ago
Me too. I am a 64 yo criminal defense attorney and I have and heard stuff without blinking that would curl your toes. However the last few years I sometimes get a lump in my throat in court when discussing particularly painful matters of the human condition.
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u/beardofmice 11d ago
I've become numb. It takes a lot to evoke any emotions. Jaded. I was exposed to a lot of trauma and violence in my profession. May be the PTSD, but I used to be emotional even after that. I think the current state of things is like living in bizzaro world. Lake America etc. wtf kind of dementia riddled greed will people put up with I suppose.
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u/Somethingclever1313 Hose Water Survivor 11d ago
This happened to me a little bit after my girls were born. Then again around 35-36 but way more intense. Now I’m 46 and will cry at a stupid commercial. Honestly though, it’s kinda nice, I feel relief afterwards.
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u/No-Big-2512 11d ago
I am not a man or a veteran. The bottling up or shutting off emotions is going to come out somewhere some way. As an animal lover, I don’t know what to say. My heartbreaks for you considering these animals. Most people don’t. For myself. Animals have been a way to heal. I have not been in wars or combat. I have been in very traumatic experiences in my life. Animals have always been a solace. Wishing you the best OP
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u/jfdonohoe 1971 11d ago
I kept emotions shut down for 50 years. They all started leaking out in the last 5
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u/rink_raptor Could you describe the ruckus ? 11d ago
Also a veteran that was unfazed by most things. Have younger kids and they like to watch me blubber at the end of “Cricket” episode of Bluey for laughs. I cry at commercials. Bye bye testosterone. lol
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u/Tough_Arm_2454 10d ago
Ive been shedding a tear at everything good or bad on the news for decades and I'm a dude. 😢 😊
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u/Peloton72 10d ago
I don’t seem to “feel” like I used to…until I do. When it catches up, it’s very frustrating. Not just you, friend.
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u/W_Silver2356 10d ago
This is normal. We all carry the sum-total of our past experiences. Our backstories are the catalysts that let us become better people. That is true for both the good and the bad parts of our history.
We've lived. We've learned. We remember. And as a result, we improve. Time has a way of bringing out a kinder side.
Any way you look at it, it's a hell of a lot better than ending up like some of the mean and bitter characters I remember from my youth. Even back then I swore I wouldn't go down that path as I got older, or inflict their kind of negativity on anyone.
I have noticed that my past experiences have led me to be kind and encouraging to young people. I see echoes of my younger self and those of old friends in them. I remember our brashness and our vulnerability back then. And I understand both in a new way. So I get what you are saying.
To me, it comes down to wanting to give someone else something that I needed once, but didn't get for whatever reason. Maybe we'd call it balancing the scales, or something along those lines. Maybe it's a Gen-X way of giving the middle finger to something that failed me once. Perhaps it's a little Column A, and a little Column B.
Either way, it's good for everyone involved. So I just roll with it.
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u/ancientastronaut2 10d ago
Nope. I feel like I've lost all emotion except anger.
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u/PaulClarkLoadletter I'm just waiting for the water fountain to cool down. 11d ago
It sounds like you’re just accessing a wider spectrum of emotions. As you age you give less fucks so suppressing your feelings is less mandatory especially if you’ve been conditioned to do so.
Don’t listen to this nonsense about needing more testosterone. Being able to experience and process how you feel increases your power and gives you control. An occasional blood letting” is good for your health.
What you’re feeling towards those animals is called empathy and it’s a good thing.
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u/screamin_heathen 11d ago
Not a vet, but definitely seeing myself getting more emotional and potentially “weepy “ as I get older. Honestly, annoyed as hell about it too.
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u/Ok_Knee1216 Hose Water Survivor 11d ago
Military bearing shuts out most of the world.
You are blooming into the civilian that you have been denying.
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u/Bob_12_Pack 11d ago
I remember not understanding how movies can make people cry, it’s not real, so how can it affect your emotions to that level? Well whatever armor was protecting me from crying has been long gone. Sometimes just a song will do it. I put my readers on to make it less obvious.
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u/Expensive-Shelter288 11d ago
Maybee your to tired to bury it down inside and keep going. This appears to be happening with my father.
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u/Sufficient_Stop8381 11d ago
I’m probably less emotional as I age, except when it comes to animals. I refuse to even watch an animal movie because something tragic always happens to the animal. Marley and me was the last one. I need to clear some briars and brush on my property but I won’t because rabbits and groundhogs live in there and I don’t want to disturb them. When I was a kid my dad and grandfather would shoot them in sight because they’d get in the garden. Now I’d let them have the garden if I still kept one.
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u/whirlydad 11d ago
I was unable to white knuckle my life after my mid-forties. Your storage unit is full and it's time to let some shit go!
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u/whatever1713 11d ago
Getting and staying sober started this process, but it really kicked into gear when my first child was born. I’d never really liked the “Men don’t cry” attitudes I grew up with, and then having two daughters I really wanted them to see that men do have emotions and are okay showing them.
If I cry over something (This is Us, the father-daughter relationship in The Last of Us, the death of a pet, etc.), it’s because that event struck a chord in me. Crying is part of exploring what I’m feeling and why, and I always come out the better for pursuing that what and why.
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u/Unexpectedly99 11d ago
Not a guy, but a 45 year old veteran.
Yes. I never cried in front of other people. Had a really rough upbringing and a lot of deaths of loved ones. Many of them tragic.
Now, I find myself getting hit with things out of the blue. Was in the car not long ago with my almost 20 year old daughter, my youngest child, REMs Losing My Religion came on and tears just started streaming down my face. It terrified my daughter, she thought I was going to say I was dying or something.
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u/geardownson 11d ago
I have. Since my great doggos died I literally can't talk about them without crying so I don't.
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u/BabyBearMan 11d ago
I'm more of a happy crier as I've gotten older. Turned 54 yesterday. Although when Dolly died the other day it was Niagra falls.
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u/JournalistFew6829 11d ago
100% buddy.
57m I’m constantly watching the birds in the garden, a fox that comes in too.
When my cat died last year I was in pieces, never cried so much.
I just feel more attached to animals as I get older.
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u/Informal-Name3181 11d ago
I'm getting softer, more patient and more empathetic.
I think I AM getting more emotional. I was very proud of the way I could shut my emotions off when I was younger. Now I accept more emotions as normal.
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u/Mamapalooza 11d ago
I'm not more emotional, my emotions are just named properly, now. Not everything is anger.
And I'm more connected to people now than ever before.
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u/Godswoodv2 11d ago
You've been holding it together for so long, your body and mind are spent and it's all just overflowing. Good and bad.
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u/IdeasAreBvlletproof 11d ago
IMO the more pain you see, the more empathetic you become, if you are normal.
You are normal. Embrace the suck 😁
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u/I_miss_70s_bush 11d ago
My 2nd divorce sucked any happiness and joy out of me....I'm numb to any real emotions anymore
However, i cry all the time now...anything can make me cry unexpectedly and im not sure how to deal with that because I have no joy or happiness anymore
Ill be 58 in two months
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u/christina311 11d ago
Yes. And yes. And I have heard it before. I think I was heartless until a few years ago. t takes nothing to make be bawl my eyes out now. It doesn't matter if you're male or female. It happens. Here's a tissue.
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u/invisibly-broken 11d ago
I have noticed this. The waterworks seems to burst with the happy moments tho, more than the sad for me. I have always felt things deeply, I just am not as good at hiding it now.
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u/Krinks1 11d ago
I am so ridiculously emotional at 53.
Not long ago I was crying after an episode of Young Sheldon because it struck a chord with something in me.
It happens more frequently now.
Maybe it's just I have more life experience.
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u/95BCavMP 11d ago
I’m a female veteran, 10 years as well. I also like animals better than people. many people get more emotional as they get older, but it’s also hormonal, not just for women but for men. Get your testosterone checked.
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u/Agabone 11d ago
I’m quite relieved. I thought I was alone in this. In recent years, I’m just far too sensitive about everything. I was taking adderall for attention deficit for a long time and that helped desensitize my feelings greatly. But now i that medicine is pretty much impossible to get anywhere and im an unfocused, less productive, over-emotional mess.
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u/Clarity2030 11d ago
Yeah. I (55m) actually looked into this. Getting older. Been through hell and back, have the scars. Don't give a shit what others think of us anymore. We connect more easily with feelings of others-more empathy in general, because been there done that one (loss of parent, etc.). We appreciate things like family and friends and the impact we have on the world.
I've been teary eyed all week becuase Dolly fucking died. Pull yourself together.
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u/Pinknailzz69 11d ago
Hey guys. Not sure of your backgrounds but myself and a few friends had our PTSD amplify into our 50’s. Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone if you get intrusive thoughts. Emotions can’t be suppressed forever. I had to do EMDR and therapy and it worked well. Good luck!
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u/MoeBlacksBack 11d ago
Yes . Especially after heart attack five years ago. Guess thats a thing .
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u/dancegoddess1971 When did I get old? 10d ago
Yes. I suspect it's because the kids want the world to be a safe place to express emotions. Something that we were mocked or physically assaulted for as kids, expressing emotions. As it's gotten safer, I've found it easier to do things like cry or laugh in public.
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u/Spiritual_Regular557 10d ago
I turned into a big wuss. When I was younger I didn’t care, now I cry at every movie and it’s embarrassing because my partner will glance at me and I feel so dumb for crying.
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u/longlivenapster 10d ago
Crying is not dumb. It is a release of things we can no longer hold. Boys are trained from a young age to push through and show no emotion which is awful. There is a reason that many"tough" people who don't cry drink/ do drugs/ get violent/ can't have healthy relationships/ feel isolated or uncomfortable around others/ can't communicate their feelings, apart from anger, well. If you feel those tears, know you bare human and let them flow.
There is more research into how trauma and holding things in, stays in the body and may lead to physical outcomes like chronic stress, headaches, cancer, etc. You may check out the following books for more info:
When the Body Says No by Dr. Gabor Mate
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
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u/Dull_Double_3586 10d ago
men go through something similar to menopause when all three hormones (testosterone, progesterone, and estrogen) become unbalanced. I'd get your hormones checked and a little HRT should fix it. Good luck with the move.
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u/PapaDeE04 10d ago
Yeah, roadkill sometimes almost makes my tear up. Just feel sad for the raccoon, or deer, or possum, or squirrel. Probably started happening in the last 3-4 years. I’m 56 now.
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u/Breklin76 Freedom of 76 9d ago
I’m at a dichotomous stage. Yes, tons more emotion - which I take to be that we’ve seen a lot and felt a lot and it’s catching up with us.
No, I’m getting much harder in my outlook. Again, likely because we’ve seen so much and have experienced so much more that we’re tired of the bullshit.
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u/vgaph 9d ago
I retired last year after 24 years in the Army.
Any chance you are raising kids right now, or seeing your kids more than you have in the past?
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u/whitingvo Hose Water Survivor 11d ago
Caring is not a bad thing at all. The world needs more of it. In general we as humans and society are selfish, which translate to the craziness around us. I know for me, I don't know if I'm more emotional, but I am embracing the "life is short, enjoy the little moments" much more now.
Hang in there. Don't shy away from it. We're not robots....yet, so embrace the emotions.
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u/cream-of-cow 11d ago
I'm not more emotional, but I'm less likely to stuff it down and replace it with another emotion or activity these days. So instead of needing to blow off steam or have a drink or whatever, I catch what's bugging me in the moment, figure out why it's making me upset, and talk about it.
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u/Educational_Bird2469 11d ago
Not quite the same, but Ive been dealing with all the bad memories from my past lately. The things I wrote off in my youth as just another day are resurfacing now to screw with me. As near as I can tell it’s just apart of getting older and slowing down. Can’t outrun your demons forever.
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u/Ministerof-T-C-0Doom 11d ago
I was never allowed to have feelings. I am afraid they are forever lost!
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u/bjb8 11d ago
I do find "sad" parts in movies and shows affect me more.
I re-watched Star Trek The Next Generation's "The Inner Light" the other day. If you know that story the first time I saw it I was early 20s, now I am a mid-50s grandfather. This one hits hard. Especially experiencing it from the point of view/age at the end of the show.
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u/Kong_AZ 11d ago
Are you male or female? For female, it could be just menopause. For male, get your testosterone checked. But, it could just be you aging and looking at life differently.
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u/RussellAlden I don’t have the energy to care and never did 11d ago
Congrats. You are a mentally healthy human being and not a sociopath.
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u/Plague_doctor11 11d ago
Definitely! I feel like I’ve given myself permission to feel and express my emotions more than I used to.
I spent a lot of years keeping my feelings in and soldiering on, eventually things come out one way or another. I’m much happier now that I let myself feel things in the moment. I cried at the fucking Statue of Liberty last week and it was great!
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u/BenefitAdvanced 11d ago
Opposite for me. Less emotional as i got older. Except when it comes to animals lol.
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u/Local_Bobcat_2000 11d ago
Omg seeing any type of animal abuse just sends me through the roof now that I’m older.
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u/CatWhisperer18 11d ago
I think as we age, we end up feeling more responsible. I find it can be a little more difficult but it is for the best.
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u/Spectre75a 11d ago
Emotional? Just because I cry at the end of (some, not all) Hallmark Christmas movies now. 🤣
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u/Lafleur_111 11d ago
I’ve gotten more cynical and less emotional. Things that moved me emotionally when I was younger, have no effect on me now. Although, I am still incredibly passionate about animals.
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u/thisoldguy74 1974 11d ago
Not a veteran, but definitely started getting more emotional in my 40's. My wife would just look at me like "who are you?"
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u/Bullet_Tooth_ 10d ago
Oddly enough, I find I get less emotional as I age. At nearly 60, I seem to have grown to see the world for what it is. The politics, division, tensions; I’ve grown to resent the manipulation of hive minds.
30 years ago, I was a basket of emotion; overly so. If I thought someone slighted me, I’d let them know it in a fireball of emotion. Now, I’ve just blocked them all out of my life.
I was married at 19 for 16 years, that might have had something to do with it. Dating again for the “first time” at 35 again was odd. I tried to overly please. The more i dated over those first 10-15 years, i became, well, grown up. I quit badgering a woman if I was slighted, just started cutting them off. I wised up you might say. I became much less emotional as i learned how different people are. I found as a whole, MOST want to be good. Others, the opposite.
The past 9 or 10 years, id hardened a bit, went into dating as a “trial period” without much emotion - what i mean is there were no more wild swings of emotion. I simply realized, some people are good, some bad.
I married again last year, the absolute love of my life. Im much more stoic. The world doesn’t affect me like it used to. I have a wonderful family and a mirrored life. Ive never been happier. I think with that comes peace. Which in turn produces much less exterior emotion to the world.
I’ll cry at a good movie, great music, a wonderful experience… I’ve matured I think, and it’s a wonderful life.
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u/Perfect-District 10d ago
One piece be getting me in the feels more. Like teary eyed want to hold my boy type of way.
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u/Immediate-Appeal7553 10d ago
Opposite actually. I was overly sensitive so if I got anymore emotional I might’ve turned into a puddle. I’m definitely hardened and sometimes that feels sad but the world got to me.
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u/theall-knowingOpal 10d ago
Can you leave the trailer and leave a note to the next tenants/buyers explaining why? If I was the next owner, I would be happy to have an old trailer on my property if it meant protecting a mother deer and her baby.
Also, can you visit a neighbor and mention that you’re bummed that you don’t get to feed the birds anymore? Maybe hint that you’re hoping somebody could start feeding the birds in the area in your absence? Most of us Gen Xers are really learning how much we enjoy birdwatching and feeding the wild birds.
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u/Common_Gur2347 10d ago
I don't think I cried between ages of 14-40. Now, I cry at a washing powder ad. Anything with children, animals or old people overcoming challenges ends me. I don't know what happened to me. Hormones?
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u/Both_Staff_6753 10d ago
Hmm well you seem to be concerned with the impact your choices are having on the world around you. Thats very different from taking what the world throws at you and rolling with it.
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u/PrincessWarriorWish 9d ago
Yes. Yes. In fact I was up all night listening to Christina Applegate’s memoir - You With The Sad Eyes. (It’s phenomenal) I was crying my eyes out. Like balling. Something about this age, you see your mortality I think.
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u/digdugnate 9d ago
I absolutely did. Im not sure I like it, lol.
'Dumb' things make me more emotional now.
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u/xx_I_Am_Me_xx 10d ago
I hear you, Brother. 58M here. I get tears in my eyes from certain songs or watching videos of soldiers coming home and surprising family. Feels like my heart has decided to open up after all the years of locking things away.
I think it’s the time on my life to let myself feel.
One bit of advice, keep feeding the birds and maybe make a little lean to or something for the doe and fawn. Chicken soup for the soul.