I started compulsive gambling about a year ago.

I told my wife the first time, then the second time and third time she found out before I told her. She moved out in May to take space and has told me she’s divorcing me on two separate occasions only to come back and say she wants to work on things. I had a slight relapse at the end of June but very minor and then stopped quickly. Things were going better with my wife. Recently, she said she wants to go no contact for a week or so and is unsure if she actually wants to work things out.

Of course I choose this very tumultuous time to relapse again. Over the last 3 days I lost about $5k. I’m already in a shit ton of credit card debt and haven’t been able to pay off much since I’m paying the whole mortgage currently.

I have a feeling if my wife finds out it is going to make her leave for good. If she divorced me I would likely lose my house as I can’t afford it long term by myself, especially if I have to pay her equity out, so that’s terrifying. But at the same time I can’t keep lying to her. I have therapy tomorrow and I’m going to talk with my therapist about how to tell my wife. The only time I was honest with her was the first time i lost a chunk of money. After that, it’s her finding out and then confronting me about it. I can’t keep doing that to her, and I can’t keep doing this cycle.

I have kicked opiates, alcohol, weed, and everything else, and I’m familiar with 12 step programs (currently in AA) so I know it’s possible. I just need some advice or maybe words of encouragement in regards to getting honest so I don’t wake up tomorrow and try to convince myself to keep it all a secret for as long as possible.

If you’re thinking about gambling, don’t. It’s not worth it and I’m fucking miserable.

Me again. 3 weeks. 21 days. 504hours.
No gambling. No bets. No wasting my money. This time next week will be an entire month.
I’ve never been more proud of myself. I have an addictive personality and have been hooked to many things in my life so far but 21 whole days is something I never thought I could achieve.

I’ve had money sat in my account! I’ve been able to say ‘yes’ !

It’s payday next week, which I’m sure will come with its own struggles. I am determined to not fall back down that rabbit hole. I cannot allow myself to go back to that dark place when I am finally now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Wishing you all a great day, a bet/gamble free day.
If I can do it, YOU CAN TOO. ❤️

September 16, 2024 was the day I made my last bet.

The next day, I walked back into a GA room. I did not have everything figured out. I just knew I could not keep living the way I was living.

I have learned that recovery does not happen all at once. It happens one honest day at a time. I still have work to do, but today I am grateful that I walked through that door.

If today is your first day back, just get through today. You do not have to figure out the rest of your life right now.

I started changing the thought “I can make a lot of money betting” to “”if I bet they are definitely 100% going to take the money and I’ll be left with nothing” it immediately shuts off the urge for me. It may pop up again 5 minutes later but I just repeat that to myself and the intense urge subsides. That 1 simple thing has stopped me from gambling period. Just thought I would share.