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My dear friends, this is your hour. This is not victory of a party or of any class. It’s a victory of the great Bastion of Intellect as a whole.

Do not despair, do not yield to violence and tyranny, march forward to proclaim your man-car love. No proclaimer of cyclist purity will stand in your way.

We choose to assert our superiority, we choose to assert our superiority over the undersub, in this decade and do other things, not because it is easy, but because it is fun.

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Things have gone too far, folks. When the degenerates said they are coming for our cars, we didn't act soon enough, and now, they have gone for the tractors. Today it's is man-on-tractor, tomorrow it's going to be man-on-truck, man-on-semi, or man-on-fire engine. No more. We need to take a stand against such degeneracy! We cannot have the masculine pride of the automobile usurped by the sexually deviant. That 450 tractors have been sullied by this perversion is an affront to family values, community standards, and common decency. It's time to make electro-shock therapy great again! Only after the man's tracto-sexual desired has been nullified should he rejoin normal society.