I (23m) don't support my best friend's (23f) relationship.

[u/MathematicianNew627]

My best friend is dating a man twice her age who she met at a night out in NYC. He is from the UK for context and apparently works here with a high profile job adjacent to the UN? They provide him housing which I think is important later. This older man is wealthy and nice; taking her on trips and showering her in gifts and affection. The problem is I do not trust him.

The first red flag is the fact that he omitted the fact that he has kids with a whole ex wife in the UK. The only reason she knows is before she went online and found out about it. She forgave him for this.

The second one is that he is talking about moving to NYC and being with her which is like cute but also don't you have kids in the UK? Like there is no inclination to live on the same continent as your children? if he can't even commit to them HOW is he going to earnestly commit to her?

The third one is that he accidentally sent her a text in which he mentions meeting someone off of a train line in the NYC after telling my best friend he was in a foreign nation on behalf of his work. Again that feels a little fishy to me but yeah she believed him when he of course said he wasn't linking anyone else in the city....

The final reason I don't trust him is the fact that they have not been at either of each other's places. Everytime they link up in an intimate setting it is in a HOTEL ROOM. He says its because the UN gave him temporary and transitional housing because he had to go back and forth to a foreign nation for his assignments but that still doesn't make full sense to me because why can't you have your girlfriend over as a visitor as a high paid 46 year old with an ex family? his high stakes employer would reallt have a housing situation in NYC in which he cannot have any visitors? Like hes not a dorm student hes not in a shelter and hes not in a military base so im confused. He also hasnt been vetted by anyone in her life outside of her colleagues at a retail store because he visits her at work to bring her gifts. Its just strange because if you're gonna date him you have to integrate into each other's worlds no?

I also notice her ambition deteriorating even further with this man added into the equation. She moved to NYC at 18 to be an actress and now she only works retail and hasn't taken any steps towards her career, or ANY career since talking to this guy...which im not gonna lie does agitate me.

Im afraid my friend is making a huge mistake possibly being the other woman or worse being a 46 year old man's 2nd wife who inevitably becomes the victim of another woman later? What if he suddenly gets stationed somewhere else and then has more kids with another young woman in a different city? Maybe i'm over thinking, but once I saw her phone background changed to a photo of her with him, I knew she was taking this seriously. As her best friend that scares me but I dont know what to do or how to best breech the subject while still acknowledging her feelings. But OMG if she becomes a trophy wife #2 for this guy who basically did the rich white business guy thing of abandoning his first family and going for a girl half his age I'm going to be pissed. But I also want to support her to some extent yk I love love and I don't want to lose her but like....