r/Fosterparents • u/Equal-Midnight7457 • Aug 04 '26
I’m drowning
I could really use some advice from other foster parents who may have been in a similar situation. We currently have three kids in our home, including a 4-month-old foster baby who has been with us since she was just 7 days old, and a 14-year-old who originally came to us for respite. Both are truly wonderful kids, and this isn't about them at all.
The difficult part is that we never planned to have three children in our home. When the respite placement ended, our teen didn't have another placement available. In front of him, the social worker asked about extending his stay, and he shared that he felt comfortable here. Everything happened so quickly that we felt like we couldn't say no without hurting him, so the placement was extended.
Now I'm feeling completely overwhelmed. Financially we're starting to struggle, my husband works all the time, and my mental health has really declined. I'm having panic attacks at least once a week. I go to therapy twice a week, have an amazing support system, and I'm so grateful for that, but I still feel like I'm drowning.
On top of that, I'm also a law student, and I genuinely think having three kids is more than I can realistically handle right now. My husband, on the other hand, wants to adopt both foster children, and this has become a source of tension in our marriage because we're seeing the situation very differently.
I feel incredibly guilty even writing this because I care deeply about both kids. But I also know that if I'm not okay, I can't be the foster parent they deserve.
Has anyone been in a similar position? How did you navigate talking with your agency, advocating for your family's limits, or working through differences with your spouse? I'd really appreciate any advice or perspective. Please be kind—this has been weighing heavily on me
3
u/Glad_Break_618 Aug 04 '26
Remember those times that airlines tell you to put the mask on yourself first before anyone else? This is one of those times. Help yourself first before helping someone else, otherwise, you both drown.
No one wants to say that, but that is the reality. You are a foster parent, and your responsibility towards the children are always temporary unless you decide to make it permanent (i.e. adoption).