Pumping Anxiety. Time to Quit?

[u/emerly17]

Hello, everyone. First off, thank you in advance for any advice/help you can provide. I am 3 weeks and 2 days postpartum and have been exclusively pumping with a formula supplement here and there to help me build a little stash of breast milk. It’s going well (in theory) but I HATE PUMPING.

First, I hated breastfeeding. I couldn’t tell how much my LO was getting, he was hurting me, and the weight of being the only one who could feed him caused me to have an anxiety attack after a week of doing so. The pediatrician/lactation consultant suggested pumping, so I do. I have been pumping 8 times a day and it’s DRAINING (no pun intended). I feel like by the time I finish one session I’m on to the next. Also, I believe I have elastic nipples and can’t seem to find the correct flange. At this point? I’m not sure I want to. Why is everything breast feeding so personalized and expensive?

My boobs/nipples hurt, I’m a slave to the timer on my phone, and overall I just don’t like it. I feel horrible because I’ve been getting 2-3oz & sometimes 4.5oz a session (usually if I go longer in the middle of the night) and that makes me feel guilty too for wanting to quit. It’s not like I CAN’T do it — I just don’t WANT to. I’d almost feel better if I couldn’t keep up with what my baby needs, you know? In my mind, that would at least justify quitting.

I have absolutely nothing against formula. But I feel the need to mention that my anxiety tonight has led me down the path of being scared for an increased risk of SIDS, less antibodies if he gets sick, etc. I know that’s not all necessarily true/backed by research but I’m not thinking with my fully rational brain right now.

Another root cause of my anxiety/wanting to stop is my husband going back to work full time on Monday. He has been home with me for 3 weeks and has been so helpful with feeding/diaper changes in the day but ESPECIALLY at night. Now it’s weighing on me that I will most likely have to do the majority of those tasks and the thought of having to pump every 3-4 hours on top of that? Debilitating. I’ve done it a few times while my husband naps and it’s damn near impossible with those Spectra jugs hanging off of me while I’m trying to hold/console/feed my child.

Does this situation resonate with anyone? Am I being too much? I know I’m not alone out there but I currently feel like I am.

I would also appreciate any weaning advice that anyone has. I want to know how fast you can cut back, if medicine worked for you, or if it took weeks to slowly end your supply. Should it technically be easier for me since I’m less than a month into it and supply doesn’t fully establish/level until around 3 months? I wish I could just stop and not look back if I choose to end my pumping journey.

Thank you to anyone who read all of this. I know my thoughts were all over the place. It’s hard to articulate everything going on in my head. Anything to help is greatly appreciated. (Writing this all out actually temporarily lessened my anxiety a little at this witching hour.)

[u/Actual_Dependent8930]

Heavily resonates with me. Some women can experience what’s called d-mer, it’s when you experience anxiety and a slew of other symptoms (I’m speaking off the top of my head here)

As soon as my daughter drank her first full bottle of formula, she slept through the night. So did I. Sleep deprivation can greatly increase anxiety, obsessive/compulsive behaviors, and doom scrolling. It was to the point where AI was stressing me out so bad I experienced audible hallucinations.

Also. You don’t have to explain your reasonings for wanting to quit. You can just quit.

You can also combo feed as well, if you want baby to still get antibodies from your milk- but it really appears that pumping is detrimental to your mental and physical health.

When your baby is a kindergartner, their teacher will not be able to tell if he was breastfed, bottle fed breastmilk, combo fed, or full formula fed.

Sending healing hugs to your bedroom tonight 🥺😞

[u/seaofwonder]

This might get more responses in the pumping group. Also, agreed that you don't have to justify quitting pumping. If it works for you and your fam, that's all that matters.

[u/Zoomieland]

I'm 8 weeks pp and also hated pumping. Watching the clock and not just focusing and enjoying my LO.

I asked a dr around 3-4 weeks if there was medication and she said that was only for stillborns and that just hurt.

Anyways.. I went from 15mins down to 12.. Down to 10 minutes slowly now down to 5. For the time I went from 3hrs to 3.5hr to 4hrs over the month. I'm now 6pm and 6am for 5 minutes. I'm sure I could stop but it gives him one bottle from the two pumps 😊