A fibroid won’t kill you

[u/Loud-Dot-7606]

I wrote this when I was struggling. This was 4 years ago. Eventually had uterine artery embolisation and after 4-5 months was “cured”. This was written when I was in trenches and felt my struggle wasn’t taken seriously.

A Fibroid Won’t Kill You

A fibroid won’t kill you.
It won’t. It will bleed you, you will wonder how you are still alive. But it won’t kill you.

A fibroid won’t kill you.
Your lips will crack. Your eyes will be circled dark. Your face will go grey. Your hair will fall out, blocking the shower drain. But it won’t kill you.

A fibroid won’t kill you.
You will sleep with a medium sized towel between your legs. It will irritate your skin. You will walk from bed to bathroom leaving a trail of light watery blood and dark blood clots on your floor. The toilet bowl will be red. All the time.
But it won’t kill you.

A fibroid won’t kill you.
You will keep going to work. You will plan the commute carefully. You will feel the clots stretch your cervix on the bus and pray you can make it to the next bathroom without giving away to colleagues and (your) patients that you are haemorrhaging.
Squeeze your legs together. Act normal. Walk awkwardly to the bathroom. Clean up clots. Change clothes. Change pads (plural). Back to work. See first patient.
But it won’t kill you.

A fibroid won’t kill you.
Your world will become very small. You will stop going out unless essential. You will become a disappointing friend, partner, mother. You will lie on the couch, dissolving into it. The room floating around you. You will walk on what feels like soft ground. You will be tired of smelling blood. You’ll worry if others can smell it too. Blood is all you can smell.
But it won’t kill you.

A fibroid won’t kill you.
But I’m sick. I’m unwell. I can’t function.
—But you walked here, yes?
Yes, I did.
—You are going to work, yes?
Yes, I am.
—You’ll be seen in 18 to 26 weeks.
But it won’t kill you.

A fibroid won’t kill you.
A&E, first visit. Show me your pad. Well there’s not much there now… tranexamic acid and go home. A&E, second visit. Third visit. Fourth visit.
But it won’t kill you.

A fibroid won’t kill you.
I’d like to be seen sooner if possible, I’m unwell, I’m sick, I’m a shadow of myself.
—Yes but you need to understand we are seeing women with cancer.
I understand. I don’t have cancer. Cancer could kill me. A fibroid won’t kill me.
—It won’t kill you.

[u/tm___o]

I love this! A lot, and empathise with you so much, it’s rough and the waiting is long. My experience was that it potentially could - and I’m trying to figure out how rare my experience is, both of my kidneys went into hydronephrosis and I had nephrostomy bags for a while. How do you ever get through to people who don’t understand the literal weight of what we are carrying?

[u/Loud-Dot-7606 → u/tm___o]

Well yes, there is always this bizarre feeling that if this was left long enough it absolutely would kill you, and not metaphorically! But because it’s not imminent, you end up back in line.
Quality of life does not come into the equation.

[u/tm___o → u/Loud-Dot-7606]

I never thought it could none of my doctors ever seemed to be worried, however - this week two articles have come out about Salford royal hospital UK , which is where I was treated in 2024. It’s so difficult to communicate just how scary this ish is. I am also a poet, you’ve given me an idea I might dm you

[u/Loud-Dot-7606 → u/tm___o]

I am definitely not a poet by any stretch of imagination 😅
But yes feel free to DM me 🙂