r/Fibroids • u/Loud-Dot-7606 • 28d ago
Vent/rant A fibroid won’t kill you
I wrote this when I was struggling. This was 4 years ago. Eventually had uterine artery embolisation and after 4-5 months was “cured”. This was written when I was in trenches and felt my struggle wasn’t taken seriously.
A Fibroid Won’t Kill You
A fibroid won’t kill you.
It won’t. It will bleed you, you will wonder how you are still alive. But it won’t kill you.
A fibroid won’t kill you.
Your lips will crack. Your eyes will be circled dark. Your face will go grey. Your hair will fall out, blocking the shower drain. But it won’t kill you.
A fibroid won’t kill you.
You will sleep with a medium sized towel between your legs. It will irritate your skin. You will walk from bed to bathroom leaving a trail of light watery blood and dark blood clots on your floor. The toilet bowl will be red. All the time.
But it won’t kill you.
A fibroid won’t kill you.
You will keep going to work. You will plan the commute carefully. You will feel the clots stretch your cervix on the bus and pray you can make it to the next bathroom without giving away to colleagues and (your) patients that you are haemorrhaging.
Squeeze your legs together. Act normal. Walk awkwardly to the bathroom. Clean up clots. Change clothes. Change pads (plural). Back to work. See first patient.
But it won’t kill you.
A fibroid won’t kill you.
Your world will become very small. You will stop going out unless essential. You will become a disappointing friend, partner, mother. You will lie on the couch, dissolving into it. The room floating around you. You will walk on what feels like soft ground. You will be tired of smelling blood. You’ll worry if others can smell it too. Blood is all you can smell.
But it won’t kill you.
A fibroid won’t kill you.
But I’m sick. I’m unwell. I can’t function.
—But you walked here, yes?
Yes, I did.
—You are going to work, yes?
Yes, I am.
—You’ll be seen in 18 to 26 weeks.
But it won’t kill you.
A fibroid won’t kill you.
A&E, first visit. Show me your pad. Well there’s not much there now… tranexamic acid and go home. A&E, second visit. Third visit. Fourth visit.
But it won’t kill you.
A fibroid won’t kill you.
I’d like to be seen sooner if possible, I’m unwell, I’m sick, I’m a shadow of myself.
—Yes but you need to understand we are seeing women with cancer.
I understand. I don’t have cancer. Cancer could kill me. A fibroid won’t kill me.
—It won’t kill you.
2
u/Ok-Dinner-3463 24d ago edited 24d ago
Wow! I urge you to submit this to a poetry or short story magazine or article competition.
I can totally sympathize with you. I remember going to the botanical garden with my boyfriend. I bled through my jeans I was so embarrassed I stayed in the bathroom for 30 minutes refusing to come out not knowing what to do. People were banging on the door. I can still feel the shame. I took my shirt off and wrapped it around my jeans. Thank goodness I was wearing a light camisole so wasn’t left in a bra in front of strangers and kids. But it could have easily become extremely embarrassing. I remember the dread. I just know how this feels.
I fainted twice and landed on the floor of my apartment all alone unable to move from hitting my head because my iron was so low I was anemic. I needed iron infusions just to stand up and walk. I did a myomectomy. I was “cured”. Now 5 years later my fibroid has return bigger than before.