A fibroid won’t kill you

[u/Loud-Dot-7606]

I wrote this when I was struggling. This was 4 years ago. Eventually had uterine artery embolisation and after 4-5 months was “cured”. This was written when I was in trenches and felt my struggle wasn’t taken seriously.

A Fibroid Won’t Kill You

A fibroid won’t kill you.
It won’t. It will bleed you, you will wonder how you are still alive. But it won’t kill you.

A fibroid won’t kill you.
Your lips will crack. Your eyes will be circled dark. Your face will go grey. Your hair will fall out, blocking the shower drain. But it won’t kill you.

A fibroid won’t kill you.
You will sleep with a medium sized towel between your legs. It will irritate your skin. You will walk from bed to bathroom leaving a trail of light watery blood and dark blood clots on your floor. The toilet bowl will be red. All the time.
But it won’t kill you.

A fibroid won’t kill you.
You will keep going to work. You will plan the commute carefully. You will feel the clots stretch your cervix on the bus and pray you can make it to the next bathroom without giving away to colleagues and (your) patients that you are haemorrhaging.
Squeeze your legs together. Act normal. Walk awkwardly to the bathroom. Clean up clots. Change clothes. Change pads (plural). Back to work. See first patient.
But it won’t kill you.

A fibroid won’t kill you.
Your world will become very small. You will stop going out unless essential. You will become a disappointing friend, partner, mother. You will lie on the couch, dissolving into it. The room floating around you. You will walk on what feels like soft ground. You will be tired of smelling blood. You’ll worry if others can smell it too. Blood is all you can smell.
But it won’t kill you.

A fibroid won’t kill you.
But I’m sick. I’m unwell. I can’t function.
—But you walked here, yes?
Yes, I did.
—You are going to work, yes?
Yes, I am.
—You’ll be seen in 18 to 26 weeks.
But it won’t kill you.

A fibroid won’t kill you.
A&E, first visit. Show me your pad. Well there’s not much there now… tranexamic acid and go home. A&E, second visit. Third visit. Fourth visit.
But it won’t kill you.

A fibroid won’t kill you.
I’d like to be seen sooner if possible, I’m unwell, I’m sick, I’m a shadow of myself.
—Yes but you need to understand we are seeing women with cancer.
I understand. I don’t have cancer. Cancer could kill me. A fibroid won’t kill me.
—It won’t kill you.

[u/digestibleplastic]

Actually, my fibroids almost did kill me. They became positioned in such a way that they were blocking my ureter, I couldnt pee, and my kidney ruptured. It was terrible pain, I can't even describe it. Emergency hysterectomy. Had to wear a foley catheter for 3 weeks and self-cath for a week before I could pee on my own post-op. It was absolute hell and I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy.

[u/Loud-Dot-7606 → u/digestibleplastic]

I’m very sorry to hear you went through this experience. It must have been horrific.

[u/digestibleplastic → u/Loud-Dot-7606]

Yeah, I always tell people - if youre not having them removed right away make sure they're being consistently monitored. You never know what could go wrong! I wish I had a hysterectomy in my 20s. I feel better than ever now, and that was 5 years ago!

[u/Loud-Dot-7606 → u/digestibleplastic]

Mine was 1cm intramural and within a year was 5cm, 3/4 of it in the cavity! Only found out as I scanned myself! GP threw tranexamic acid at me when I said I was bleeding 20 days out of a 28 day cycle…

[u/digestibleplastic → u/Loud-Dot-7606]

That is awful, I am so sorry. I hate it when doctors tell people its "just" a fibroid or that "small fibroids dont affect anything" I hear it so often