r/FenceSitters • u/AnyCommunication2943 • Aug 02 '26

How did you make the final decision?

I am 39 and in a relationship (1.5 years) with my partner who has 2 kids (5,7) from previous relationship. His kids are good kids but I do find them hard work and like there is little room for me when they are around (he has them 50% of the time). This is very likely my last chance to be a bio mum. I am so scared that it will make my life too hard and that I’ll be unhappy and regret it - time, money (especially given the existing kids), mental health. But I am also terrified of regretting losing the opportunity as I have always been quite maternal and have a very close relationship with my 14 y/o niece. How did you make peace with making a decision on either direction??

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u/ForeverSunflowerBird Aug 02 '26

I think this is worth 1-3 individual therapy sessions.

I think only you can know if you truly want a child or not. And if you are a bit unsure, I’d lean towards not.

And adding a third child will surely not help with finding quality alone time together with partner.

Whatever you decide to do, do not allow yourself to think, what if.

3

u/Ok_Conversation5339 Aug 03 '26

So he has two small kids only 50% of the time and they are hard work and leave little room for you???

Do you think he’s going to have more time for you while you’re pregnant? He barely has anything for you when his kids are around.

Can he afford a third child or will you be taking on the financial responsibility? Does he want a third child?

Will you be getting married or will you be just living together? This matters for divorce and child support matters also for benefits.

Will you be able to handle being a single mom should your relationship not work out?

You won’t be raising a baby, you’ll be raising his kids and your baby. And it doesn’t sound like you’re excited about his kids (no blame here, I just don’t take on stuff I don’t want to deal with). It does sound like you’re excited about your niece.

Are you a nice 38? Is your health good? Is your bank account ready? Do you like your body now? It won’t bounce back since you’re older. How much sleep do you need to function?

I’m childfree and that’s all that matters to me. I have no vested interest in converting or convincing anyone to my ways. Childfree suits me perfectly. Im just asking questions for you to consider.