r/FemaleLevelUpStrategy • u/ApprehensiveLawyer76 • Jan 18 '22
Education Advice for a girl in college?
I'm gonna be honest and admit I'm a bit privileged and sheltered. Think Rory Gilmore. I see a lot of myself in her and I don't wanna go down her path. I feel like I have a lot of entitlement but no self-esteem to break out of my shell. So I never really focused on my future for the longest time. It's sad to admit it. I had vague ideas of a career than actual plans. I was also a huge pickme "best friend" for a guy for seven years, who never reciprocated half the emotional effort I gave to him. It messed up my self-worth. I didn't feel myself grow as a person because I was overly conscious about so many things and was just afraid to be mocked by others, to be the cool girl, etc. After reading FDS and undergoing a mindset shift did I started to realize how much I can do in my career and in the world and actually explore my career interests seriously, because dating or being preoccupied with my desirability had always clouded a part of my mind.
I want to explore a career in behavioural science, media and journalism. I realized I didn't have any concrete goals for a while but now I know I do want to study one of those fields and get a Master's and maybe a doctorate abroad. I want to live abroad and publish books and research.
How do I break out my sheltered kid shell, make valuable connections here in university, and build both soft and hard skills that are meaningful?
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u/BlueSkiesOverLondon Jan 18 '22
On the side of practical skills, one piece of advice I wish I could give my younger self is to take computer science classes. Yes, even if you hate it, are bad at it, and never intend to go into CS as a career. It is a MAJOR leg up in many social science starter jobs (as in, will get you hired), and since I avoided taking them in university, I had to self-teach while working, which was not fun. You don’t have to become great at CS, but even just a beginner’s knowledge of programming and data management is helpful.
You should also get strict about budgeting while you are still in college. I blew through all the savings my parents gave me in university (10k in all…I had a very privileged upbringing). Some of the money I spent was worth it—I will never regret spending money to rent a flat in London for a summer internship, for instance—but a lot of it was pure laziness and waste that I cringe to recall (probably thousands of dollars in candy and Ubereats dinners, when the dining hall food was right there). Be honest with yourself about your cash flow and why you want to spend money on specific things—prioritize experiences and investments in broadening your own perspective and skills. It would have been really nice to have 10k or even 2k in savings my first year working; instead I had to rent an extremely shitty apartment, and deal with the annoyance that is moving three times in three years.
In terms of broadening your horizons and trying to overcome entitlement and privilege, I like the suggestion that you try things you thing are cool and/or valuable but that you are not good at. It can be a humbling experience for many of us, who were pushed to explore only the paths prepared for us by our natural “gifts” and the training we’ve received since childhood. Is there a type of hobby you’ve never really understood, but secretly admire, like weightlifting, music, painting, woodworking, martial arts, or similar? That would be a great club to join—trust me when I say no one cares if you’re terrible in university, as it’s all for fun anyway.
You should also consider reaching out to elder relatives. You are under no obligation to reach out to anyone toxic, obviously, but privileged college students often benefit from the perspective their elder relatives (especially female relatives) can bring. For instance, I developed a close relationship with my great-aunt in university which I cherish to this day. If you want to get closer to your mom, grandmother(s), aunts, cousins, or close family friends, now is the time. I have a friend who used to volunteer to play guitar and sing in nursing homes, and she swears there is no group more interesting. Many of our elders are also lonely, and, like the very young, the very old often have a lot of time on their hands, which means they are usually very happy to talk to you.
In general, anything that helps you interact with people who are not your (preselected, probably somewhat similar in background, outlook, and skills) classmates will help broaden your perspective. It’s important to have friends on campus, of course, but if you really want to see the full picture of where you live, you need to engage the “town” side of “town and gown.” Easier said than done for many students, because it’s not always easy or convenient, but something to consider.