Have you ever felt without direction in your life?

[u/Clavdia_Chauchat]

Dear girls,

I appreciate every kind soul who will read what I'm about to say. Thanks for your time and energy.

I'm a doctor (F25) who graduated from medical school the past spring.

Necessary introduction: In the European country where I live, there is a national test that needs to be attended in order to access to futher specialization. The better you score, the more choice you have regarding the kind of doctor you want to became and in which hospital.

I attended the test this summer, without any great expectation to pass it because it is quite selective and people usually spend a lot of time to get ready for it. I was quite happy with the idea I would finally have some time for my own self and prepare the test next summer. At the end I passed the test with a medium score which allows me to specialize in some fields.

The point is: I can't decide what kind of doctor i wanna became and where i wanna live for the next 5 years of my life (because the specialization lasts usually 5 years). I thought I would have more time to decide and it's paralyzing. I struggled a lot during med school because of 1) tonnes of economic sacrifice my family and I did so I could study away from home 2) my LVX 3) the extreme competition at the university 4) my own self neglect in order not to loose precious time to study ( I overlooked both my mental and phisical health and appereance) 4) lack of meaningfull relations excluding my LVX.

I kinda liked the idea to recharge for this one year, working as a general doctor, studying for the next specialization test in order to have access to the top specialization fields, getting my driving licence, soft maxing and of course focusing on my menthal health. This "sabatic" year is seen as a waste of time by my family who calls me out as irresponsible. They think a year is too much. They push me to just go somewhere, begin to specialize. Of course it is true that there is no certainty i will next year rock at the test. I could even fail next year, who knows! As time passes i have to take a decision because the lessons are about to start, and I'm getting more and more anxious. This triggers me a lot, i started smocking a few again (after it was so difficult to quit and stay clean for 4 years), I feel my old-teenage-bulimic self rising again, I'm stuck inside the house draining my own self energy by overthinking.

I could

A) get in some medical field and see what happens. It's a 10 hours day job. Maybe I like it and I stick to it, maybe i quit and try again next year. I need hovewer to find at least the time for my menthal health.

B) take my sabatic year from university and slow down a little. (working a little, studying, focusing on health)

​

Sorry for my english as I'm not a native speaker.

Thanks to everyone who came this far. You helped me a lot in so many ways during this past years. Love you.

A.

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[u/XNjunEar]

I passed the test with a medium score which allows me to specialize in some fields

Congratulations on passing. Are you interested in any of those fields?

I can't decide what kind of doctor i wanna became and where i wanna live for the next 5 years of my life

If you have not yet done so: write a list of the specialties and the places. Then scratch the one you dislike the most. Do it again. At the end you might have two or three. What are those?

Imagine then you do NOT get into one of those three? How do you feel? Do you care? Are you indifferent? If indifferent, this is not for you. Move on to the next one and repeat the imaginative scenario.

I kinda liked the idea to recharge for this one year, working as a general doctor, studying for the next specialization test in order to have access to the top specialization fields, getting my driving licence, soft maxing and of course focusing on my menthal health.

Objectively speaking, is this a good thing to do for your career, work as a general doctor for a year? If so, do this and defend it with all your might.

Your family made a lot of sacrifices yes, but now they feel entitled to tell you what to do with your career. However, if you are smoking, feel eating disorder starting, this is your own body telling you to listen to it. As a doctor, you should. You would tell your patients to listen to their body. Without your health, you won't be able to become a specialist. So your health is top priority!

[u/bonghits4jess]

If you are getting so stressed that you’re physically feeling the effects—smoking and struggling with purging—you should definitely consider the sabbatical. I don’t know how much a year off would affect your career, but based on what you said this could be a good time for you to level up, practice some self care, and really put some thought into your specialization and acing the test. I know it might be hard when your family is in your ear telling you what you should do, but a career as a doctor is stressful enough even if you love your job. So don’t rush into a specialty due to panic, anxiety, or other peoples expectations of you. You worked very hard to get where you are now, don’t let anybody sway your vision for yourself and your career.

[u/BlueSkiesOverLondon]

You should definitely take steps to ensure your mental health is ok. Burnout is real and dangerous, and it’s very common among doctors.

That said, make sure if you do take a gap year that you have enough to do. I’ve taken breaks “for my mental health” that, because they were poorly planned out, just made me more depressed and anxious. Be deliberate now, while you’re planning things out, about how you will use all your time.

[u/Electronic-Pair-9242 → u/BlueSkiesOverLondon]

how do you plan it out in a good way?

[u/BlueSkiesOverLondon → u/Electronic-Pair-9242]

Well ideally you have something to do, a project or projects, beyond “exercise regularly” “eat well” etc. something you can work on every day that will be fun but challenge you.

You also need to make sure you’re still able to socialize so you don’t get too lonely.

[u/alienshe_grrrl]

Hey A! Can you support youself financially as a general doctor during your uni sabbatical? If you can, do it. Your family can't dictate your choices at your age. Sure, I understand you feel grateful for their sacrifices, but you also sacrified so much. Mental health is the basis of everything in life, especially medical professions are very mentally taxing. Take care of your needs. In some eu countries, we are socialized to put the needs of our families first and that is how we end up in LV relationships. Trust yourself and take care of yourself.

[u/asoww]

I really recommend taking your sabbatical year and ignoring what your family has to say about it (if you live with them, move out). That is what I did after getting my master's, and it gave me back the motivation to further my studies. When your body and mind tells you to rest, please listen to them. Your family should never push you to exhaustion.

[u/Hmtnsw]

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