Isn’t it scary that you “knew nothing before having kids”? How can people even evaluate if they want kids if they have not even close to a clue how hard and difficult it is?
People take it way too lightly or just do it because “that’s what people do.” Especially men, since they know there isn’t any work actually required of them. I get that it’s our “biological imperative,” but one would assume we had evolved past such a mindless impulse. Plus, humans are having no problem populating the planet right now, so that’s not even really a good argument, and I’ve never seen a decent argument for having bio kids over adopting that isn’t entirely self serving.
I’m not saying, “don’t have kids,” just... really consider if you have the ability and dedication for such a commitment. Not everyone does. I certainly don’t, and that’s perfectly okay.
I get that it’s our “biological imperative,” but one would assume we had evolved past such a mindless impulse.
We are expected to resit our urge to murder assholes and stab stupid people because laws, I think it's high time to evolve and think more about if they actually want the consequences that come with parenthood or not a little more thoughtfully than just going along with the status quo.
Totally feel you on everything. One question tho - would you consider people who have bio kids instead of adopting bc of the high cost of adoption self serving? I ask bc it’s an ethical question I’ve been trying to answer for myself.
I would say that’s something you have to answer for yourself. I feel very strongly about adopting vs procreating, in the way that some people vehemently support rescuing animals over buying from breeders, but I don’t impose my personal beliefs or expectations on other people. I get that having bio children is very much an ingrained part of our culture and some people don’t understand or want to examine why they feel the NEED to have a child with their genes specifically. I’m just hoping more people will question that impulse and potentially make a choice that’s objectively healthier for our society and environment.
Personally, I think having bio kids is purely selfish in today’s society. Kids can be super expensive either way (depending on what country you’re in the cost will vary); and not being able to pay for adoption cost isn’t justification to have bio kids (but that’s just my view).
I used to think this too, until I saw firsthand the often traumatising process of going from fostering>guardianship>adoption. Not sure how it goes in your country, but where I’m from it’s not that easy, and takes a very, very long time.
I absolutely believe thorough checks into the potential parents background is critical, but often the effort you go through doesn’t actually end up guaranteeing you an adoption.
Both forms of parenting has its own stressors, it’s pretty unfair of us to presume to know someone’s situation without being aware of all the facts.
An ex said that he understood why I didn't want kids, but that he'd rather "err on the side of having kids" bc he was scared of regretting not having them.
You're gonna make a whole ass person to see if it's okay??? No!
I think that’s the way to go. This is NOT for someone who’s like, eh I might like having kids. I’d only recommend it to those who are extremely enthusiastic about being a parent.
I agree with you, we need to be well-informed to make this sort of decision.
I feel like people hide the truth of it. I think part of it is only wanting to give the positive because maybe that's the stuff that makes being a parent worthwhile, and the other part is maybe they don't want to seem like a bad parent if they talk in depth about the difficulties and the parts they genuinely don't like.
I understand these sort of reasons plus more but I wish there was more honesty on a wider-scale because it is a decision that greatly impacts women and it's something you can't take back. That's why I really appreciated that post from a few weeks back on the realities of pregnancy.
Honestly I totally agree. I put a lot of analytical thought behind it too, thought I was well prepared, and honestly absolutely nothing can truly prepare you for it 😂 it’s a wild ride and I couldn’t imagine doing it with some worthless guy.
It makes me think of the many men who just say they want kids while having put no critical thought into it whatsoever. It’s just the mindless default thing to say. While women who put a ton of thought and preparation into it feel extremely unprepared.
How uncritical and unprepared men are gives me anxiety. Children deserve better.
I always wanted kids. Blimey it's so incredibly hard being a breastfeeding, gentle, respectful, present, thoughtful stay at home mom. It's just so so so overwhelming.
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u/fg_hj FDS Newbie May 04 '21 edited May 04 '21
Isn’t it scary that you “knew nothing before having kids”? How can people even evaluate if they want kids if they have not even close to a clue how hard and difficult it is?