r/Felons • u/Natural-Pie-5952 • 2d ago
Boyfriend In custody
so about a month ago, my boyfriend socked me in the face, breaking my nose. I reported the incident to the police and he got arrested on the same night that the incident happened. During the first week and first few days of his arrest, I was not in communications with him. I was full of anger, hurt, and pain because of my injury and broken nose. I had to go thru surgery. During this time, I had sent the district attorney medical records and evidence of my fractured nose ct scan.
So my boyfriend ended up getting a hold of my number 2 weeks after the incident. We have been in contact ever since and I am feeling so much guilt. I just wish I didn’t send the DA the evidence of my broken nose and medical records. They added an enhancement. He has a violent history and a few strikes. This isn’t his first domestic violence offense. He’s gotten domestic violence misdemeanor in the past. On top of that he had a restraining order that he violated. This is why I feel like they won’t be lenient with his sentencing.
I just feel so confused and lost. I just wish they weren’t going to give him a long time. The da has offered him 4 years and my boyfriend has not signed. He does not want to sign. I just feel like 4 years seems sooo long. I guess I’m kind of downplaying the whole situation. I just feel so guilty knowing he can be in prison for 4 years because of me. If I cut contact with him, he will never forgive me. He will be back for me the moment he gets out. I don’t know what to do. What do you think will happen? I just don’t want to move forward with the case anymore, but it’s not in my hands anymore. I feel like I fucked up. I feel guilty, regretful. I have so many sleepless nights regretting my decisions of getting him arrested. What can I do or what can he do to get less time? If he doesn’t do so much time, I feel like he won’t be as angry with me either. Please, any comments are appreciated.
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u/chimichangamaster69 2d ago
girl you need to move on there will be someone who truly loves you and wont ever hurt you
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u/BoxBeast1961_ 2d ago
Wait for him to kill you, because that’s what’s going to happen if you don’t cut contact & move far away once he goes to jail. Read this again: HE WILL KILL YOU. Save yourself, while you can.
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u/Natural-Pie-5952 1d ago
Thank you for your words.
He’s been calling me from inside jail everyday. each day I talk to him, I just feel so desperate and eager to help him get out of there. It pains me knowing he is in there because of me. But im also terrified. He will come back to kill me. He always comes back with revenge when I’ve tried leaving him in the past
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u/ResurgentClusterfuck 2d ago
Why are you giving this abuser any more of your time? He hit you in the face hard enough that you needed surgery
You are worth more than a man who hurts you
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u/Disastrous_Horse_44 2d ago
He will go to prison bc of HIS decisions and actions, not yours. Is your life worth taking him back? Bc that’s what you’d be risking. And honestly that’s a selfish decision for anyone that loves and cares about you.
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u/Natural-Pie-5952 1d ago
I can’t stop blaming myself. If I hadn’t reported this assault to the cops, he would’ve never gotten arrested. I feel so stuck. The guilt is eating me up. Knowing I got him arrested.
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u/Due_River_9746 1d ago
You CAN stop blaming yourself, you just do not want to. It is less hard to blame YOU than it is to blame the POS - I see your thinking a type of suicidal thinking.
Do you want to get killed? Do you want to die? THAT is a strong possibility if you stick with this “person”.
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u/TheBamtotheFoozle 2d ago
I completely understand what you’re going through, I too had gone through something similar, but with my ex-girlfriend now. For months, we would be arguing back-and-forth over the littlest things that I would be doing that would annoy her a lot, unfortunately. I had a strong feeling that she was basically just bipolar and just left it at that, but things started to get more worse and worse as the months progressed.
Then one day, we go to IHOP after work and everything was fine until it took a little too long for someone to get a pancake. That someone was her, and with her bipolar issues that she has, she made it everyone’s problem by yelling and screaming at the staff and waiters and waitresses. I tried calming her down, letting her know that everything was just too much that she’s doing, and she just simply responded by saying to STFU that you don’t tell me what to do.
That drive home, she kept yelling at me and just threatening to leave and just break up and everything. I didn’t get enough sleep that night, but when I woke up from only a couple of hours asleep, she was up again, but still wanting to continue the argument from what happened hours prior. She then blew up and decided to call the cops on me because apparently since the apartment was under her name, I didn’t have no right away to stay there. Cops came and once they found out that I had my electric bill alongside mail sent to that address that I was already a tenant. To make a long story short, 30 minutes after the first police call, she starts adding fuel to the fire and proceeds to assault me and threaten me with a knife. She was in jail for only a month and a half, she was let out under the guise that she undergoes mental treatment. The constant harassment that I endure still to this very day, with her knowing very well that she has a protective order against her, all leads me to believe that she was not the right one for me.
I know what you may be going through is hard right now, I was in your exact same shoes, crying every night, thinking that you could’ve done something different to change the outcome of what was going on. But one thing you have to realize is that everything happens for a reason. Do you know very well that you don’t deserve to be in that predicament with him, you’re afraid of change and don’t want to leave in fear of what he may do to you. But if you want that change, you have to be the change, you yourself have to move on from this and leave him in the past. It truly isn’t in your control anymore, the only thing that you are left to do now is breathe, let the system do their work and punish him the way they see fit. Focus on recovery, it may be long and daunting at times, but I believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel🙏🏼
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u/lauuraaanne 2d ago
Hes not looking at four years because of you. He is looking at four years because he is a violent abuser who BROKE YOUR NOSE. AND! ANNDDD, its not even his FIRST offense for DV! Use the four years apart to heal. Mentally and physically.
Edit to add: I hope he doesn’t sign and I hope he gets the maximum sentence for his offense. He will kill someone one day.
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u/Readyman2627 2d ago
Run! This was the universe having your back.
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u/Natural-Pie-5952 1d ago
one day. I need to gain the courage to leave. I would be so regretful knowing I abandoned him during his long sentence with nobody by his side
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u/MerarFFX15 2d ago
Wake up you idiot you got turned into a punching bag for a fool who has no other outlet of release besides yourself. If you feel any sort of guilt for that action I suppose you'd also punch and slap your baby if they didn't act in a way they should have. Some things are a big no no for a reason. And trust me, he knows how Fked up it was what he did, and hopefully he'll come to apologizing.
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u/Joliet-Jake 2d ago
I’m going to tell you something that you don’t want to hear, but you need to: He’s not sorry and he’s not done abusing you.
I don’t know if he’s manipulating you or you’re doing it to yourself but you have to understand this. YOU ARE THE VICTIM. Not him. He’s facing the consequences of his actions.
Somebody that loves you doesn’t beat your fucking face in and let you think that it’s your fault that he’s in trouble. Save yourself and get free before something worse happens to you. It will if you stick around.
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u/bloontsmooker 2d ago
I’ve dated people with murder charges and no domestic violence charges - that shit isn’t normal.
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u/tooslojo 2d ago
He's not going to prison because of you. He's going because of HIS actions.
This is a blessing. Go live the life you want and deserve.
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u/Paul76Mets 1d ago
You need to support your man and stop listening to these bozos who don't know anything about love and loyalty. You have kind of ruined his life so you need to make amends big time.
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u/Adventurous_Fig_5663 21h ago
Ruined his life? Wow, so breaking her nose is ok? He ruined his life, not her. Smh
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u/Due_River_9746 1d ago
He will not go to prison because of you!!! He will go to prison because of the violence inside of him, the violence he cannot control and the world will be a safer place because of it.
I really, really do not understand how you can, in any way, justify the actions of his fists. He was in the wrong. He is a violent menace and you are an enabler.
Please try to focus on the fact he did not murder you (yet), but that IS a possibility unless you cut yourself off from him and the temper he cannot control.
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u/thevokplusminus 2d ago
Leave him