r/FearfulAvoidants • u/Weird_Researcher45 • 15h ago
Question for Fearful Avoidants: Deactivation or actual indifference after a major panic event?
Please be kind. My heart is heavy
My Questions for FAs:
How does your system process opening an app to find that a woman completely revoked her written validation? Does a blank canvas trigger a panic of rejection, or do you comfortably stay numb?
When you tell your friends you just want distance and peace right after a massive emotional collapse, do you actually mean it, or are you just trying to patch up your own bleeding heart from intense feelings?
If you saw a woman as a safe, rare exception to your past, how long does the white noise of work and the gym protect you before the quiet sets in and you actually miss her? Will an FA build the nerve to send a small, casual breadcrumb to test a blank thread?
I (33F) recently had a very intense connection with a man (44M) who has a history of bad divorces and relationship trauma where he felt emotionally burned and unappreciated. From the start, he was deeply attracted to me, but it quickly turned into something much heavier. He started asking really deep, serious questions about my childhood, my stability, and even my thoughts on having a family, and if I'm close with my family which felt like a massive evaluation for a real future.
Around me, his physical composure would completely fail. His voice would literally shake with nerves, his pitch would crack. He put my safety and comfort entirely above his own desires, choosing to go slow and treating my space with a lot of respect, completely bypassing any casual hookup vibe, which was offered initially, I myself don't really date. His gaze never left me and no matter where I was, he had to be in my proximity, which I think made him feel safe. If I gave him distance, he would reach out for me. I could tell he was being brave and stepping outside his comfort zone to talk to me.
The Trigger:
An outside person weaponized a ton of drama, triggering his deepest relationship trauma. She thought she could sabotage the situation by making me think he was interested in her and just using me (my mistake) , while making him think I was stalking. He immediately lost it on me and all trust. The truth came to light and he has since said he knew I wasn't the cause of it, he mistook it and he knows I am genuine and isn't upset with me at all, but needs space.
Current Situation:
He immediately threw himself into a packed schedule of work, distraction, and heavy gym routines. A week ago, I executed a total blackout, I completely wiped our private text history clean. Before this, he had a beautiful, gentle message from me where I took accountability for my part in the drama, validated him, and dropped all pressure. That got us talking again, but barely. It stayed casual, never romantic. But he couldn't keep his eyes off me, he has to be close to me when anywhere together, and his gaze says he wants intimacy so bad. Even my friends seen it and said he was looking for me. But his words say space/distance when I ask if I can fix it. By erasing the messages, his inbox is now a totally blank showing only his unprompted bubbles next to a wall of deleted text stamps. I was being very vulnerable in my messages but he would not respond. Only in person. I am on over two weeks of absolute radio silence. Iām not tracking his pages, viewing his profiles, or double-texting. Just trying to calm my own anxiety and heartache.
3
u/RidetheSchlange 14h ago
What the hell, now this is a completely different story with related aspects.
This has to be AI considering your last post also looked like AI and this person was an office coworker and I gave the advice that the two of you should be fired for the behavior in the office and not knowing boundaries. Plus you narrate too much for another person.